1 Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
I think he/she got a bit carried away while writing the description.
I am familiar with...
2 He was as tall as a 6'3" tree.
Therefore, he must have been something like 5'7".
3 She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
4 He looked like a person trying to spit watermelon seeds and pop his eyeballs at the same time
5 John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Duude... I'd like to know how much experience this guy has with hummingbirds!
6 I Wanna Go Home Dudez
I honestly can't blame that kid.
7 His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
What an interesting simile!
8 She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
Awesome... I have the feeling we could be friends.
Yes, K, I guess you should call him/her a nerd.
Should I call him/her a nerd?
9 "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
I feel kinda weird on thinking what could have been the reaction of the teacher who read this.
This is just bizarre. Why did you put it so low down, tell me true?
Teacher may have called the parents
How old was s/he ?
10 She had just left for school, looking like an idiot
The Contenders
11 The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Why would you know that?!?
12 Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Just use it in the climax of a really romantic novel and wait for the response from its readers.
This was so very funny! How would a student have the nerve to do this?! He must have been a romantic Wodehouse fan!
The hummingbirds one was also real funny, lolz!
Oh God! I love this list.
13 She would eat a booger.
14 The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
This guy really hates his brother-in-law.
Wait how does phil "not work"?
15 He was playing Football like Brazil did against Germany
16 This is Stupd
17 Because of the plot, the conflict is the effect.
18 THIS. IS. SPARTA.
19 I'm just writing an essay just to get a good grade