Top Ten Eminem Lyrics to Not Say at a Funeral

Some good, some bad, all inappropriate for a funeral

The Top Ten

1 It feels so fackin' good

I've heard this Eminem guy memorized the dictionary. - RockFashionista

2 So long, Bitch you did me so wrong, I don't wanna go on living in the world without you
3 Imma kill you and them loud a** motherf****** barking dogs
4 Shove a gerbil in your a** through a tube

Haha it's funny 'cause you wouldn't wanna say this anywhere in front of anyone.

5 Bleed Bitch bleed!
6 I'm C******!
7 My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips, and if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss
8 You make my pee pee go a-doing doing doing
9 Hi kids, do you like violence? Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Nails through each one of my eyelids?
10 There's a four year old boy lyin' dead with a slit throat in your living room, ha-ha!

Ugh. That’s just sick. This was actually censored in the explicit version, just because of the graphic depiction of toddler murder. No joke.

The Contenders

11 One day I was walking by with a walkman on when I caught a guy giving me an awkward eye so I strangled him off in a parking lot with his Karl Kani
12 We ain't nothing but mammals.. Well, some of us cannibals who cut other people open like cantaloupes (SLURP)

Just don’t say that ever.

13 Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all dangling from his neck, while his head barely hangs on. Blood, guts, guns, cuts, knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts
14 I stand seven kids from columbine stand them all in line

Especially during a candlelight vigil for kids who died in a school shooting

15 And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

This is especially bad to say at Dr. Dre's funeral.

16 Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's t**s off and smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris Kross
17 You and your husband have a fight one of you tries to grab a knife and during the struggle he accidentally gets his Adam's apple sliced
18 And while this is goin' on his son just woke up and he just walks in, she panics and he gets his throat cut
19 So now they both dead and you slash your own throat so now it's a double homicide and suicide with no note
20 Sit down, bitch! If you move again I'll beat the s*** out of you
21 Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to, I just found out my mom does more dope than I do, I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper, Make a record about doing drugs and name it after her
22 And by the way when you see my dad? Tell him that I slit his throat, in this dream I had
23 Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records; Well I do, so f*** him and f*** you too!


Do not say this at Will Smiths funeral

24 My English teacher wanted to flunk me in Junior High, Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be thirty-five, I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler, And stapled his nuts to a stack of papers
25 My favorite color is red, like the blood shed from Kurt Cobain's head when he shot himself dead
26 Walked in the strip club, Had my jacket zipped up, Flashed the bartender, then stuck my d*** in her tip cup
27 When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits, How you gonna feed me mom? You ain't got no t**s!
28 This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph, So I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, A**HOLE!'
29 I lay awake and strap myself in the bed, With a bulletproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (BANG!)
30 Oh, now he's raping his own mother. Abusing a whore, snorting coke, And we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?
31 I said you don't wanna f*** with Shady (cause why?) Cause Shady will f***ing kill you (ha ha)
32 Put your hands down, bitch, I ain't gon' shoot you. I'ma pull you to this bullet and put it through you! Shut up, slut, you're causing too much chaos! Just bend over and take it like a slut, okay, Ma?
33 Pinching nurses a**es when I'm j****** off with Jergens
34 And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
35 Tyler create nothin', I see why you call yourself a f****t b***h
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