Joe Teti


Guy was food service contractor overseas for a couple months, decided he was a war hero. Then he came home and drove past the woods, saw some trees through the window and decided he was a survival expert. This guy is a nothing but funny to watch - gets really nervous when put to the test. Skins dead animals for no apparent reason, drinks urine when he has a Gatorade in his pack. Likes to play with snakes for no reason one can see. I am pretty sure the Discovery Channel put him on the air as a dark spoof to real survival shows. I am waiting for his stand up comedy act, the guy is funny to watch -- but not a survivalist.

He was NEVER a combat vet. Being part of the CIA mission is not being a combat VET. He can't start a fire, he has his co-star start them and he and anger management issues. He is responsible for the deaths of 3 men in a helicopter accident on a show that did not air on Discovery. He is accused of stealing from the military. He was an idiot on the show in Mexico with Matt when he jumped back down into the water to look for glasses. Matt is awesome at building a fire... they didn't need them. He also attacks and threatens women and children. HE HAS NO INTEGRITY!

In season 3 of Dual Survival, Joe and Cody find a dried up dead cow and Cody cuts away some usable hide and makes sandals. Then Joe finds a bloated, stinking rotten cow full of maggots and decides it'll look "cool" if he skins it for no reason but for the cameras. The stinking hide was not usable for anything. He almost threw up several times. If he had, he would have lost vital fluids as they were in the Chihuahuan Desert. And this is just one of many idiotic stunts the guy has done... a moron who brings nothing to a "survival show" but how to get yourself seriously sick, injured or killed.

Joseph teti is not a survival expert, nor an expert in anything other than pressure washing trucks. Without Len baby and I'll get you my pretty for comfort, he is a lost soul. He is most likely to be the first "survivalist" to be eaten by a bear, while they film it. His only knowledge appears to be jumping in 30 foot holes and climbing trees - which coincidentally any monkey can do

Joe, with no survival skills, threw a childish hissy fit when he couldn't hack it in Norway and got his partner fired, the real survivalist who saved his ass. Where would something so stupid be allowed? Oh Discovery Channel.. that's where! Keep drinking your urine straight from the tap, Loser!

I'm a female from Chicago, now in the Rockies. I'm in my late 60's and was born with common sense - something Joe Teti seems to be deficient in.
Joe doesn't fool me. He grandstands for the unknowlegeable audience who, apparently, eats it up, judging from the tweets during the episodes. If he didn't have the support of the production crew, he would most likely NOT survive many of staged situations if they were real. Rappelling down a loose, shale cliff face? Give me a break! Take a little time to find a safer way down. In that same episode in the Appalachians, Joe is obsessed with imminent danger from black bears! I live in black bear country and hike alone most of the time. I've seen bear poop, ripped-apart logs, bear tracks but have not yet been eaten by a black bear. Several have come to our neighbors' houses, attracted by garbage and dog food. The wild ones avoid humans, not stalk them. Joe doesn't instruct; he bullies. I learned a lot from Cody Lundin but all Joe has taught me ...more

Biggest farce ever to be put out there as an expert on anything. Fail is the only word to describe this loser accurately. But through the Discovery Channel he has managed to lie his way onto, he comes off as a know nothing lunatic. Piss drinker with no skill set to even make a fire. Complete waste of time watching this Toto tard if you ever wish to learn anything. Egotistical, maniacal windbag with nothing to offer. He needs to be fired and go back into obscurity.

The guy can't even sit on a horse without someone holding the bridle - survive in the wilderness? I am surprised he can survive in civilization, never mind the wilderness. We take regular bets which episode he will be bitten by a snake he is screwing with. Guy is a joke on many levels. Funniest thing I ever saw was him screwing with a rattle snake in the dessert. Funny. His co-host and mentor could not stop laughing - neither could I.

You could give Teti a key to the supermarket and a can opener, and still not be sure he would survive. I think the guy would starve to death without waitress service. Spent too much time in high altitude low oxygen areas. No skills, no vocabulary, no original thoughts. Really just a cheap momentary thrill. Like pet rocks in the 70's.

Ha ha ha ha general joseph horatio gates teti a survival expert - funny stuff - guy can only survive in the military because they feed you. Once Smithy has had enough of him he will open a hot dog truck side of the road. He will charge $2.00 for an autograph picture of himself holding a hotdog in Afghanistan, telling you he paved the way for apple pie and hotdogs all through the world, at the presidents invitation. Guy is somewhat off I think.

This Joe Teti Has never done anything ever to impress me, I reviewed his resume and foodservice was the only training not listed... But every other school he attended, he would never made it to battle if he really attended all that training... He sure pulled the dead wool over the show producers. Eyes!... Laugh out loud... There are allot of liars out there that claim they know how to survive but there are some of us that know better men to learn from...

Ok folks - lets get the show moving shall we- today we pay special tribute, not to chicken joe fire starter extraordinaire- but to the one and only, loved throughout purgatory- SMITHY! Yes smithy come on down, don't be bashful now. OK folks now smithy here is the #1 fan of chicken joe, and his official hatchet person. Official, she got a little name tag and everything. Now smithy excels in baking cookies, telling Grimm's fairy tales and- running completely amok upon the average and well meaning American viewing public. She has a grown up vocabulary, and knows how to use it. She is not above calling people names, cyber bullying, Facebook harassment on the dual survival page or calling people a drug dealer. That's why we love and pay tribute to her. If she had teeth, well she probably would bite you. Smithy has the distinction of being the one who started the whole chicken joe scene. Actually called and booked Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show herself. Then she invited thousands ...more

Joseph doofus teti could not survive in a walmart with a pocket full of hundreds, never mind in the wild. Guy has no skills, improper temperament lack of basic intelligence. DOOFUS

Joe Teti feels no shame at getting a real survival guru fired so that he can take the gurus position and teach the world all about his miniscule knowledge on survival. His skills include taking off his shirt, yelling whenever someone upstages him and buttering up the producer with fake credentials. A joke

This guy and the whole "Dual Survival" show is a complete sham. It's entertainment, and I get that, but it's ridiculous. Trying to pass off mealworms as pine beetle larvae? Come on, it was obviously planted. Not only that, but if you notice anytime these "experts" catch fish, they are either dead or near dead? Teti acts like he is scared all the time in situations where a real survivor would be confident. He doesn't even get the basics of fire building using fuels like gasoline. I've watched him try to ignite liquid gasoline with a battery, when liquid gasoline does not ignite. It's only after vapors collect near the gas that he finally gets a fire. Simple concept that should be understood by a survival expert.

No real survival skills. His "run and gun" attitude puts him and his partner at risk frequently and in a real world situation would surely get you dead. His military resume is seriously in question. He is the worst survival host of all time.

Hey its not easy putting on the SHOW with this crew- I got 16 chickens runnin around willy nilly out of boredom, a monkey who took off on the little bicycle, an elephant that ate the microphone, and 8 small clowns who thought it was a good idea to take the little car apart to see "how" it works. Plus some joker over here played with the high wire, and the acrobats are kinda on a mini strike. This ain't Vegas you understand. We got a union blowing up a huge rat out front, and the dumpster provider is demanding cash under the table. Ralph is having wardrobe malfunctions, and I can't find the night goggles anywhere. Plus to top it off the sun seams to be rising from the south, and my watch stopped. The only thing on schedule is Chicken Joe, who is here, and is digging holes all over the place. Now he is calling the shovel a "bad guy" and I think he is about to lose it. Be patient.

This 'man' if one can call him that, never once went camping let alone spent the night outside during the 5 years I knew him. He told me and many of my family and friends that he was Delta, was in Desert Storm and Lebanon just prior to the barracks bombing. He has ruined many lives along the way. The Christian claim is also BS! I know from personal experience! So not only is he not a survivalist, he is a liar, a thief and an overall con man.

Guy is an actor of sorts ( eye roll) plays a survival guy on T.V.. The problem is it turns out this "survival " guy talks up his service as if he was Rambo, but in fact he LEFT THE SERVICE two months after 9/11. Guy did not respond to the nations call, fine, but then he pretends he was a super soldier in the war on terror. Now that is disrespectful to all who served. My Grandfather died in France fighting the Nazi's and I am damn mad this guy is walking around talking garbage. Any company including Casio that backs this guy ois gonna be just as famous as chicken Joe. Count on it. Ralph Chicken

I think many people are confused (or can't read properly) and wrongly voting for other survivalists that are not necessarily "fake." But make no mistake Joe "Master douchebag" Teti wins this fake list by miles. There's no "I" in team, but this guy certainly thinks so. There's only his self-centered ways and he is quick to point out unsafe practices by others, but not his own stupidity. He just wants to rush for rescue cause he knows there's population near the places they are dropped off at instead of being innovative with the resources given. If it wasn't for Cody and Matt, Teti would've perished long ago. About the only thing he can do is fire a rifle and be a pain in the ass meat-head. Please send him packing home already.

Greetings and Salutations - I see chicken joe is still #1 over here. Round of applause people. So while the dual ridiculous program is off for the summer - whats going on in tetiland you ask. Well on the good side chicken joe is rated the #72 best T.V. survivalist. Haha yep I knew you would like that. On the great side - those yoyo supporters of his are about to make a big announcement. It turns out they are also very important people and will be proving it by filling out papers, signing them and - well then who knows. Are they really stupid enough to have taken the bait? Will they invite Ralph- well that's the big question ain't it. We have tried everything under the sun including dissing a fool lawyer named christie brinkly from California in our attempts to make em mad enough to do it. Now we see what we see. I can't wait to bring my circus and singular perspective to the next level and write this stuff in papers that a judge's law clerk has to read. haha yep, shop at home bought ...more

Joe is a man of stolen valor. And on top of that, he has absolutely not survival skills, unless killing an obviously drugged boar, surviving.

I think Joe has been very much maligned and held up to ridicule and attacks for a variety of reason. Personally, I think all the people calling his a fake survivalist are missing the point. He was a soldier and came to the show with that as his credentials. I did note that as he had more time doing Dual Survival, he did soak up a lot of knowledge and really began to connect with Matt Graham's way of thinking. I think the guy has a lot of good points going for him and people just need to lighten up and cut him some slack. As for all the others taking shots at his military record, it's easy to talk smack, hard to produce any proof. My faith is on what Discovery did to vet him before he joined the show and he is the real deal. All I can say to Joe is this: Thanks for your service.

Joseph Teti perpetrates a fraud every time he opens his mouth. He lives in a constant state of telling lies, to protect the lies he has already told. Everything he does is tainted by his dishonor and stolen valor. The Discovery Channel was very negligent to promote an improperly vetted soldier as "War Hero" and survival expert. And because of this, I no longer watch the Discovery Channel.

Chicken joe teti, survivalist extreme, terrorist expert, home security guru. Chicken joe is funny. Rents himself out as a home security expert, goes on YouTube and extolls his expertise in this field. Gives up important info on past clients, but hey, he got paid. Here's a joke for ya- in 2008 someone went to chicken joe's house and stole all his foundation vents. Serious - they went right up to his house and pulled off pieces and took them. There is a police report saying this happened. Maybe chicken joe was playing Rambo in the backyard and didn't hear them. Maybe he was pressure washing the driveway. I think he sold that home, bad neighborhood and all, little scary for joe wearing a skirt.