Top Ten Funniest Actual Complaint Letters

PositronWildhawk

The Top Ten

1 (To a Norwich Rail Firm) "Thank you for your letter explaining that you were 'unable' to refund my cancelled train ticket. You may notice that I have taken the liberty of rolling up the letter which should make it easier for you to stick up your arse."

Someone finally had the guts to do this. My hopes are high for this gentleman. - PositronWildhawk

Puhahaa... Seriously?! Crazy funnyman... - Britgirl

2 (From Royal Mail) "Dear Sir, We appreciate your actions are in humour but complaints were made about jumping from bushes yelling 'Beware the Giant Bees', appearing naked and asking for 1st class, and claiming to be attacked by crack addled Oompa Loompas."

This was at the Royal Mail branch in Gloucester. Who knows what that nutjob did next? - PositronWildhawk

3 (From WeBuyGold) "We are sorry to inform you that the gold coins you sent were in fact chocolate, therefore we could not warrant £30000.We couldn't accept Gold: The Best Of Spandau Ballet regardless of you stating that you lost your virginity to track 1.
4 (Notice in elevator) "If you are going to shoot porn in the elevator, please clean up after you're done. Thank you - Management."

Haha, that will keep the elevators clean, maybe. - Kiteretsunu

5 "Dear Sainssssssssbbbbbbbburyyyy's; Why is tiger bread called tiger bread? It should be called giraffe bread. Love from Lily, aged 3 1/2."
6 (Notice in Park) "Hi. If I catch you neglecting to pick up your dog's poop I'm going to throw it at you. I have good aim. It may end up in your mouth."

The guy who wrote this must have been very annoyed. Well, frankly, I don't like that stuff either, and flinch when I have to clean up. - PositronWildhawk

7 "Welcome, new neighbour. From the sounds of my ceiling being shaken since you got here you must be a dinosaur."
8 "Dear Neighbours, I apologise for any loud commotion and loud slurs and profanities you may have heard over the past 3-4 weeks. You see, I recently acquired Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. No need to call the cops again. P.S. Invest in some ear plugs."

So sweet of the snob! - HezarioSeth

9 "This letter is to notify you that a complaint has been issued by a fellow employee. The following is what you are not permitted to do in his office. Change the thermostat, dance on or glue anything on his desk. And do not refer to him as Fuzzy Bob."
10 (From Cat Food Firm after cat became ill from food) "We want to say now that your cat could not have been harmed by our product and is probably nervous from adoption. We suggest granting her web access to trace and contact her ancestors."
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4 years, 252 days old

Top Remixes

1. (To a Norwich Rail Firm) "Thank you for your letter explaining that you were 'unable' to refund my cancelled train ticket. You may notice that I have taken the liberty of rolling up the letter which should make it easier for you to stick up your arse."
2. (From Royal Mail) "Dear Sir, We appreciate your actions are in humour but complaints were made about jumping from bushes yelling 'Beware the Giant Bees', appearing naked and asking for 1st class, and claiming to be attacked by crack addled Oompa Loompas."
3. (From WeBuyGold) "We are sorry to inform you that the gold coins you sent were in fact chocolate, therefore we could not warrant £30000.We couldn't accept Gold: The Best Of Spandau Ballet regardless of you stating that you lost your virginity to track 1.
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