Funniest American Dad Quotes

The Top Ten
1 If you're going to do that do it where everyone else in this house does it. Steve's bed. - Francine Smith (After finding Jeff masturbating in the bathroom)

Francine is an IDIOT for not letting Jeff smoke his weed.

2 AHHH! Oh, It's just the baby. It's just the already dead baby. - Stan Smith
3 You're fat Helen! - Roger
4 By the way, Hayley, oh my god, these Chocidiles, these Chocidiles Hayley, oh my god, these Chocidiles, oh my god! - Roger
5 Help! The raccoons stole my penis! - Hayley Smith
6 Hayley! The neighborhood! What are you two doing here? - Stan Smith
7 God, please watch over the dead body of this dog and carry him to heaven... because he sure as hell can't walk... he's dead.Amen. - Stan Smith
8 Boil water. What am I, a chemist? - Stan Smith
9 Where's my BJ? I want someone to give me a BJ......My Breakfast Juice - Stan Smith
10 I hope your friends don't just eat p***y! -Steve Smith
The Contenders
11 I'm German. It's what we do. - Klaus
12 Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face? - Stan Smith

Talk about a father abusing his daughter.

13 It's obvious what you have to do, Steve. You have to kill yourself. - Roger
14 Can we have one breakfast without somebody flashing their bodies - Hayley
15 The only goo you will be having will be goooood time. It was a stretch but I made it work kids. didn't I? - Stan
16 Don't hurt me! I know it's cliche but I mean you no harm - Roger

Just imagine Roger saying this with his homosexual alien voice.

17 Is this as big as they're gonna get! - Hayley

Hayley going through puberty.

18 Hayley, you heartless bitch. I'm kidding. - Stan Smith
19 I hate Steve so much! - Roger
20 Klaus you know I don't like that l language, now put a quarter in the penis jar.- Francine Smith
21 MYAAAAAAAAH! - Roger
22 Unless Stan wants a bigger hole than the one in his butt! - Klaus
23 I'm already down! - Steve Smith
24 Die Dream Stealer! - Roger
25 This time it was toast, Hayley. This time. - Stan Smith
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