1 If you're going to do that do it where everyone else in this house does it. Steve's bed. - Francine Smith (After finding Jeff masturbating in the bathroom)
Francine is an IDIOT for not letting Jeff smoke his weed.
2 AHHH! Oh, It's just the baby. It's just the already dead baby. - Stan Smith
3 By the way, Hayley, oh my god, these Chocidiles, these Chocidiles Hayley, oh my god, these Chocidiles, oh my god! - Roger
4 Help! The raccoons stole my penis! - Hayley Smith
5 You're fat Helen! - Roger
6 Hayley! The neighborhood! What are you two doing here? - Stan Smith
7 God, please watch over the dead body of this dog and carry him to heaven... because he sure as hell can't walk... he's dead.Amen. - Stan Smith
8 Boil water. What am I, a chemist? - Stan Smith
9 Where's my BJ? I want someone to give me a BJ......My Breakfast Juice - Stan Smith
10 I hope your friends don't just eat p***y! -Steve Smith
11 Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face? - Stan Smith
Talk about a father abusing his daughter.
12 I'm German. It's what we do. - Klaus
13 The only goo you will be having will be goooood time. It was a stretch but I made it work kids. didn't I? - Stan
14 Can we have one breakfast without somebody flashing their bodies - Hayley
15 Is this as big as they're gonna get! - Hayley
Hayley going through puberty.
16 It's obvious what you have to do, Steve. You have to kill yourself. - Roger
17 Don't hurt me! I know it's cliche but I mean you no harm - Roger
Just imagine Roger saying this with his homosexual alien voice.
18 Hayley, you heartless bitch. I'm kidding. - Stan Smith
19 I hate Steve so much! - Roger
20 MYAAAAAAAAH! - Roger
21 Unless Stan wants a bigger hole than the one in his butt! - Klaus
22 Klaus you know I don't like that l language, now put a quarter in the penis jar.- Francine Smith
23 I'm already down! - Steve Smith
24 Die Dream Stealer! - Roger
25 This time it was toast, Hayley. This time. - Stan Smith
26 I've been a bit consumed with one of my other patients. Hes a complicated teenage drug addict who's being molested... by me - Roger Smith
27 No! No! No! No! Don't ruin my booby holiday with god stuff! - Roger
28 There's something you should know about me by now, Roger. I don't learn lessons. - Stan Smith
29 Godzillaaaaa!!!!!!!!! - Toshi
30 Guns defend people against people with smaller guns. - Stan Smith
31 Pen gun, mightier than the sword. Sword gun, mightier than the pen gun. - Stan Smith
32 She can do me. Then you can do her. Then I can do her while you watch - Hayley
33 Steven Anita! - Stan
34 I was receiving an award for, oh what was it dear, ECONOMICS??!! - Roger Smith
35 What do you mean, every month! - h]Hayley
It is very hard to be a woman.
36 Music slut! - Stan Smith
37 No, Mr. Pibb earns his paycheck. He's the type of soda I'd have a beer with. - Stan Smith
38 I took a detour on Hayley - Avery Bullock
39 His legs are shorter than his feet - Stan Smith
40 The Boob Strikes Again - Roger
41 He took all the syrup - stan
If I were in Stan's situation and that happened to me what Jeff had done, I'd be pissed off as well.
42 AKA Baby Legs - Roger
43 Your Mother! - Steve
44 Trip-trip-trippity. Dem ol' Trippin' Balls. - Roger
Best and funniest line from cartoon history
Should be in the top ten best ever
Should be at 3 at LEAST
Trip trip trippity dem ol' trippin balls
45 I'm sorry Francine, but Steve's just so bad at moving his body. - Stan Smith
46 Trump: (clears his bullfrog-like throat) stan: I'm not gonna pay you, trump.