Top Ten Funniest Asian Jokes

ToptenPizza
This isn't meant to be offensive to any Asian TopTenners or visitors.

The Top Ten

1 Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident

No matter how many times I hear this joke, I think about the past decade on the road...the only bad drivers I've encountered are primarily white people lol there was people of ALL races, but mostly whites...they think they own the damn road and break road rules a lot

American eyes are wide open shouldn't they be watching it instead of heading off to McDonald's?

Hey! Don't make fun of Asian drivers! It's not their fault they have their eyes blocking out the vision! - ToptenPizza

Should never talk about other people's race because that's not eyes and Americans are bad drivers to

V 25 Comments
2 God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.

That is not true. Everyone is different, I'm Asian and yes, everyone in my school is different.

He got bored with everyone. Explains why we have our DNA 99.9% the same, but yes, he was even bored when he got to asians.

Asian or not, I still find that joke offensive.

Lol I laughed like hell seeing this... I don't know why these racist jokes are funny. - Greatness_Forever

V 14 Comments
3 How do you know if a Chinaman robbed your house? A: your homework is done and your computer is upgraded, but two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway.

I would love to have my homework done, saying this as I am procrastinating doing my homework. - Pegasister12

I was really hoping for this to happen to me.

Well at least he had the courtesy to upgrade your computer and do your homework, and since he's still in the driveway you can arrest him. - ToptenPizza

This is so funny!

V 17 Comments
4 Hardest job in the world, police sketch artist in China

Sketchman: so what did he look like?
Me: well...long black hair, very white skin, tall, young looking, black eyes...
Sketch man: *draws* time to line up the suspects!
*every women in China old enough to commit a crime is in the building*
Sketch man: so who is it?
Me: oh god,they ALL look the same! - ToptenPizza

More like South Korea because of all the plastic surgery there, but this is still funny.

Actually Chinese look quite different from each other. We just don't put on make up - MChkflaguard_Yt

Not funny

V 7 Comments
5 How do the Chinese come up with names for their kids? They throw a tin can down the stairs.

Excuse me, we throw chopsticks. - keycha1n

I feel bad but I burst out in laughter! You are extremely creative and original! - Flowersocks2137

I don't think I'm supposed to laugh at this but I couldn't hold it back. I'm Asian and that was amazing

No they drop a spoon ching bang chong

V 9 Comments
6 You know you're screwed when the Asian says "s***" during the test.

Asians may be smart, but why do they mock us by doing math with their eyes closed? - ToptenPizza

What if they say it because there is no extra credit on the test? All Asian parents don't settle for a 100

I'm not offended by this. I'm asian and I laughed

The grade must be a 99 or below on a math test

V 11 Comments
7 You're friends with Asians? Did you learn any of that ching chong language?

Everyone can speak English cause it ain't a challenge...English is a simple, brainless language, even whites ask me how to spell and write for them...one language and they can't even handle that HAHA! Hmm, I just realized that I've never been asked for help with Mathematics EVER

I am American (english native speaker) and I know Chinese, but that's kind of funny because I found Chinese to be challenging yet easy at the same time. I guess most other people in America and England have difficulty with it. - SenpaiNoticeMe

How would you English feel if we said something similar?

More like the "ching chiang chong" language. LOL

You bad bad man
cyber bullying is bad
p.s I'm offended

Don't take things on the net seriously... There are just funny so laugh. - Greatness_Forever

V 8 Comments
8 Don't make Asian jokes, it's wong

Asians with the Downs be like: "They call Wong. Sum Ting Wong."

Haha! Although I'm Asian, I find all of these hilarious. - Fandom_Lover

They're too funny so yes I'll keep making them

I like this one. - KKwing

V 11 Comments
9 If Japanese pop is Jpop, is Chinese rap Crap?

All rap is crap! End of story! - ToptenPizza

I've listened to everything so I know a lot about music (not everything). If you listen to a few songs that isn't a concise opinion. I hate country but I've listen to it still since I was in middle school and I know it isn't all bad. Close mindedness isn't what this world needs. Try understanding other cultures.

Yes it is. And it's weird. - keycha1n

Chinese rap is pretty bad in my opinion - styLIShT

V 13 Comments
10 Wear full body armor, die in one shot. Probably made in China.

To be fair, KIDS make these products - ToptenPizza

But whose fault is it? The white person because he gets low grades and can't check where it's made

Just like china peeps they all look like the real slim shady because there eyes

Body Armor won't help you if you get hit by an AK or higher damage weapons. - Marine_Soldier

V 6 Comments

The Contenders

11 Do the Chinese realize when they are buying souvenirs in America, they are buying things made in their own country?

Considering 99% of our products are made in China I think they should know that. - ToptenPizza

But this time, They get something written in English! "Made in China! " - Ihaskitty1234

Well, my life is Made in China - CerealGuy

My life is made in China

V 4 Comments
12 I have a new cleaning service that hires Asian cleaning ladies, it's called Maid in China.

Why do some people think Chinese is the only thing that's asian?!

With Filipinos as maids?

Sounds like a Filipino ad. - Fandom_Lover

Funny

V 1 Comment
13 In english grammar class, you had to write a word and its opposite. The kid wrote: good bad, black white, original China.

This is why people think something made in China is of low quality. Look at paper, it easily gets torn apart. And it was made in China.

Chinese people actually didn't event paper. Egyptians did 1000 years earlier than those people. And ice cream is invented in Europe and no one knows who invented the wheel.

Let's hope the teacher isn't Asian, or he'd get in HUGE trouble, lol. - ToptenPizza

I’m Chinese and I didn’t not find this one bit funny. Why is this website full of racist rubbish?

V 2 Comments
14 Apple has a new product for Chinese people, it's called the IOpener

Understood after a couple seconds, this is the best one in this list (should be #1)

Well I'm Asian and this is good told it to all my Asian friends and they beater me up...

Got in guest reading...loved it

R.I.P. Stove Jeebs

V 13 Comments
15 Why do Asian girls have small boobs? Because only A's are acceptable

I don't get this.

You're laughing at our boobs, we're laughing at your future, xo

Sexist joke I hate it

Number 1

V 4 Comments
16 How do you blind fold an Asian? With dental floss.

Actually that would've gone into my eyes, so maybe a proper blind fold would be fine

My eyes are not squinty yet I'm Asian.

Hmm, at least you will not get made fun of much. Most are both slanted and squinty but I guess some are just slanted. - SenpaiNoticeMe

If that works, then they can't even see, so that is obviously wrong.

LOVE THIS

V 7 Comments
17 How can you tell Mario is racist? He's an Italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, grabs coins like a Jew, and is blinded by a steering wheel so he walks everywhere.

I bet Donald trump would like this

Isn't he the OPPOSITE because all the countries he is affiliated with represent diversity? - TwilightKitsune

Haha! This is the funniest one! - BlueTopazIceVanilla

amazing!

V 5 Comments
18 My homework brings all the asian boys to the yard, and they're like "It wasn't that hard."

This is the funniest joke I ever heard

Well done! Well done!

This is hilarious!

Funny as hell

V 4 Comments
19 What do you call a billionaire Asian. A: CHA CHING!!!!

More like Chi Chang - MChkflaguard_Yt

I'm so gonna say this to my Asian friends why? they were racist to Mexican people my friend ella she Asian she said mo my lawn to me

Yes

Lol

V 3 Comments
20 What rap song do Asians like the most? Rice Rice Baby

Apparently this white person can't make a decent racist joke

21 What did Asian parents name their retarded baby ? ... Sum ting Wong

That would actually be a good name

Lol! This is one of the funniest

lol

The actual joke is “ two Chinese couples had a black baby, what did they name it? Sum Ting Wong

V 2 Comments
22 The problem with North Koreans is that their missiles are as small as their penises

How do you know if they have small penises? Do you stalk every asian men amd take pictures of them because you know its bigger than yours?

I'm Asian and this is the best joke so far lmao

True

Great, so funny and I'm north-east-south korean!


J.K I am south korean

23 How can you tell if an Asians eyes are open or closed? You can't!

Damn you racist people...

You can, but only if you have an electron microscope

Of course you can! You just need a very powerful microscope

I have big eyes. From chinese - MChkflaguard_Yt

V 4 Comments
24 Two wongs don't make a white.

Because asians have yellowish skin. Nothing wrong. But plastic surgery is wrong - MChkflaguard_Yt

If 2 Wongs get together, they'll lead a very happy life

Their is allways adoption

25 What's the dog population in China? 0

Well cows, chickens and pigs are animals too, just like a dog. I mean Americans don't complain or think twice when they slaughter those animals to eat. It's the same in China, however, the dog population just happens to be larger so they eat dog meat instead of cow, chicken or pig. Honestly, it's narrow minded to think eating dogs are shameful because Chinese people are technically animals themselves because like I stated at the beginning, in America, it's the same, just different animals. Geez, so many people being idiots posting this crap online. Honestly, India probably thinks Americans are disgusting since cows are sacred in come on religion in India. I'm an Asian-American and I'm proud that I eat cow, chicken, and pig meat, but I'm also proud that my relatives in Asia or my ancestors have probably eaten dog meat.

Because there are more dogs than cows. If Americans complain us for eating dogs, why do you eat cows and chickens? Hypocrisy confirmed - MChkflaguard_Yt

But they banned eating dogs in most parts of China

To the commenter below: One day someone will explain what a joke is to you. - Xean45

V 4 Comments
26 Where do Asian go for lunch? KFC (Kentucky Fried Chihuahua)

Blacks go for chicken

Where do Americans go for lunch? McDonald's isn't it obvious?

Nah we go to Cha Lou and order lots of dim sum. Or eat at home - MChkflaguard_Yt

No. Asians go to dim sum for lunch.

V 4 Comments
27 What do Asians put their birthday candles on? Rice cakes

WRONG! Asians put durian and taro and fruit on their birthday cakes.

At least we don't add sugar and a lot of other bad stuff for you

Well nice jokes

Yea

V 3 Comments
28 What drug do Asians like most? Crystal Math

Probably inspired by the misspell in the news headline: "5 arrested in math lab"(they were trying to say meth lab)

Funny stuff. Crystal meth is a drug?

True story

29 What happened to the Chinese man when he walked into the wall with a boner? He broke his nose.

That should have hurt

That was funnh

YO that's the best one I've seen here all I see is lame ass jokes and I'm not even asian when I say that
they really are lame
but yours are pure gold man xDD

30 What do you call Asians running down a hill? Asian invasion

Or maybe our youngsters are happy playing with their non-racist friends

Very funny

31 Asian face + stove = frying pan

Not funny. Just really racist.

More like cringe - MChkflaguard_Yt

32 What is the most common crime in China? Identity fraud

Their second name I guess... - Ananya

Lol

33 Which rapper do Asians like the most? Dr. Dre

Get it because he's a DOCTOR

The best of the lot and funny too! LOL YOLO

Wut is it supposed to mean

I don't get it

V 1 Comment
34 I like how Chinese people are good at solving mathematics problems and doing the Rubix's cube, but doing it with their eyes closed, that's a bit too much.

Best one period

I have some friends who CAN do a Rubix's cube with their eyes closed. I wanna see you try!

I am Asian and the rubix's cube is easy

35 Asian diet includes rice, rice, sushi

Japanese, Korean, and Chinese are not the only asian countries you guys know? There's even countries in Asia that Sushi isn't popular

Actually, rice, vegetables, fruits

What about yunnanese noodles then? And tonight yam soup? - MChkflaguard_Yt

They eat da noodle, too!

V 2 Comments
36 Why can't Asian people have white children? Because two wongs don't make a wight.

"white" not wight

ha

37 What do you call an asian with a small penis? Normal.

One thing I don't understand is why people of the asian race would be viewing jokes about themselves. This is really tmi but mine's bigger than the international average;4.7 " mines 5 1/2". I'm 12 but it only makes sense since I'm incredibly healthy and 5'6

Okay that's not funny

Appearantly my penis is bigger than most of my white and black friends and I'm Asian

I'm koren I have a 7 in

38 What do you call a black Asian? An undercover cop

Or an Asian who had a horrible sun burn

lol

39 How do you blind an Asian? Put a steering wheel in front of him.

Actually... if you put a blind fold over us, we might not be able to see

How do you blind a white? Flash a damn white light infront of them

Damn true

40 What tests do Asians usually fail? Driving Tests

What do Americans usually fail on? Diet plans

Some are really good drivers, idiots

You do know that some Asians are good at driving!

Because we get around with CRH not your retarded booze cars. - MChkflaguard_Yt

V 1 Comment
41 How do Asians play drums? With chopsticks

I used to drum with chopsticks at restaurants as a kid!

I used to do that!

That was me when I was a kid lmao chopsticks for the win. Forks suck! Lol

42 Yo mama so fat, she has more Chins than a Hong Kong phonebook

Good one

43 What is the hardest job for asians? A: Driver's Ed

Some jobs are actually hard to do...

44 What's an Asians favorite meal other than dog? Pi

Not all Americans eat McDonald's, not all Asians eat dog.

More like racist stereotyping, and not funny at all. - MChkflaguard_Yt

Well yep it was obvious happy racist everyone anti chinese

Not all Americans eat maccas some eat KFC

V 4 Comments
45 How do asians name their kids? Throw pots and pans in the air.
46 What did the Asian say when he ran over a dog? "FREE FOOD!"

That is very cruel!

47 What do Chinese do during an erection? They vote
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List Stats

2,000 votes
47 listings
3 years, 77 days old

Top Remixes

1. God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
2. Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident
3. How do the Chinese come up with names for their kids? They throw a tin can down the stairs.
Metal_Treasure
1. God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
2. Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident
3. You're friends with Asians? Did you learn any of that ching chong language?
ToptenPizza

WRemix

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