Top Ten Funniest Asian Jokes

ToptenPizza
This isn't meant to be offensive to any Asian TopTenners or visitors.

The Top Ten

1 Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident

Damn! LOL!

No matter how many times I hear this joke, I think about the past decade on the road...the only bad drivers I've encountered are primarily white people lol there was people of ALL races, but mostly whites...they think they own the damn road and break road rules a lot

American eyes are wide open shouldn't they be watching it instead of heading off to McDonald's?

Asia protecc
Asia attacc
But dis time America will YEET dee second attack.

23 Comments
2 God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.

God is Good, and he never gets bored!

You shouldn't use God as a joke and/or an insult.

Asian or not, I still find that joke offensive.

That is not true. Everyone is different, I'm Asian and yes, everyone in my school is different.

17 Comments
3 How do you know if a Chinaman robbed your house? A: your homework is done and your computer is upgraded, but two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway.

I would love to have my homework done, saying this as I am procrastinating doing my homework. - Pegasister12

I was really hoping for this to happen to me.

Well at least he had the courtesy to upgrade your computer and do your homework, and since he's still in the driveway you can arrest him. - ToptenPizza

This is so funny!

15 Comments
4 Hardest job in the world, police sketch artist in China

Actually Chinese look quite different from each other. We just don't put on make up - MChkflaguard_Yt

More like South Korea because of all the plastic surgery there, but this is still funny.

Haha I'm Asian and that's hilarious

Finally someone who is not offended! (Asians are awesome by the way) - SenpaiNoticeMe

Well, I don't think it would be much hard, all he needs to so is to get a ready-made sketch(as they all look same) "made in China".. - Ananya

7 Comments
5 How do the Chinese come up with names for their kids? They throw a tin can down the stairs.

A lot of these jokes are about China. lol - Misfire

Excuse me, we throw chopsticks. - keycha1n

I feel bad but I burst out in laughter! You are extremely creative and original! - Flowersocks2137

I don't think I'm supposed to laugh at this but I couldn't hold it back. I'm Asian and that was amazing

10 Comments
6 You know you're screwed when the Asian says "s***" during the test.

true dat - scienceLover10

Haha!

They probably got a B+

What if they say it because there is no extra credit on the test? All Asian parents don't settle for a 100

12 Comments
7 Don't make Asian jokes, it's wong

Haha! - RogerMcBaloney

Funny!

This is so funny

I like turtells shells

16 Comments
8 You're friends with Asians? Did you learn any of that ching chong language?

Ching chong! we love lil pump

Everyone can speak English cause it ain't a challenge...English is a simple, brainless language, even whites ask me how to spell and write for them...one language and they can't even handle that HAHA! Hmm, I just realized that I've never been asked for help with Mathematics EVER

I am American (english native speaker) and I know Chinese, but that's kind of funny because I found Chinese to be challenging yet easy at the same time. I guess most other people in America and England have difficulty with it. - SenpaiNoticeMe

How would you English feel if we said something similar?

More like the "ching chiang chong" language. LOL

9 Comments
9 If Japanese pop is Jpop, is Chinese rap Crap?

All rap is crap! End of story! - ToptenPizza

I've listened to everything so I know a lot about music (not everything). If you listen to a few songs that isn't a concise opinion. I hate country but I've listen to it still since I was in middle school and I know it isn't all bad. Close mindedness isn't what this world needs. Try understanding other cultures.

Some rap music is very crappy nower days.

Yes it is. And it's weird. - keycha1n

13 Comments
10 Wear full body armor, die in one shot. Probably made in China.

Should've voted for this. - Misfire

Ha LOL!

Body Armor won't help you if you get hit by an AK or higher damage weapons. - Marine_Soldier

But whose fault is it? The white person because he gets low grades and can't check where it's made

8 Comments

The Contenders

11 Do the Chinese realize when they are buying souvenirs in America, they are buying things made in their own country?

Not only in America, but in other countries too. Seriously, almost everything is made in China! - Misfire

I shared this with my friend.
So every time we walk by an Asian person at the mall we have to hold in our laughs.
;-; Suggestion : mExIcAn JoKeS

Asians love their own kind.

Hmmm... doesn't this makes sense? - BorisRule

9 Comments
12 I have a new cleaning service that hires Asian cleaning ladies, it's called Maid in China.

More like MAD in China!

Why do some people think Chinese is the only thing that's asian?!

Sounds like a Filipino ad. - Fandom_Lover

With Filipinos as maids?

2 Comments
13 In english grammar class, you had to write a word and its opposite. The kid wrote: good bad, black white, original China.

This is why people think something made in China is of low quality. Look at paper, it easily gets torn apart. And it was made in China.

Chinese people actually didn't event paper. Egyptians did 1000 years earlier than those people. And ice cream is invented in Europe and no one knows who invented the wheel.

Let's hope the teacher isn't Asian, or he'd get in HUGE trouble, lol. - ToptenPizza

Jokes on you, we invented paper, wagons, ice cream, the wheel... - keycha1n

China probably did not invent those things but I know China invented many more great things. - SenpaiNoticeMe

2 Comments
14 Apple has a new product for Chinese people, it's called the IOpener

Lol that's pretty good. - Misfire

. That's a good one. - RogerMcBaloney

Understood after a couple seconds, this is the best one in this list (should be #1)

Well I'm Asian and this is good told it to all my Asian friends and they beater me up...

14 Comments
15 Why do Asian girls have small boobs? Because only A's are acceptable

I'm glad I have small boobs I wouldn't be sexually assaulted by some pathetic perv anyways - 123fortandbree

Bad, dirty classic - BorisRule

I don't get this.

Sexist joke I hate it

8 Comments
16 How do you blind fold an Asian? With dental floss.

I think this list should be called "Funniest Chinese Jokes". Or "East Asian jokes". Somethin' like that. - Misfire

That would kind of hurt their eyes.

Actually that would've gone into my eyes, so maybe a proper blind fold would be fine

My eyes are not squinty yet I'm Asian.

Hmm, at least you will not get made fun of much. Most are both slanted and squinty but I guess some are just slanted. - SenpaiNoticeMe

8 Comments
17 How can you tell Mario is racist? He's an Italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, grabs coins like a Jew, and is blinded by a steering wheel so he walks everywhere.

That's the funniest one on the list by far! - RogerMcBaloney

I bet Donald trump would like this

Isn't he the OPPOSITE because all the countries he is affiliated with represent diversity? - TwilightKitsune

Haha! This is the funniest one! - BlueTopazIceVanilla

7 Comments
18 My homework brings all the asian boys to the yard, and they're like "It wasn't that hard."

They're right, and maybe you should try challenging yourself?

Nice!

I don't get it!

This is the funniest joke I ever heard

7 Comments
19 What do you call a billionaire Asian. A: CHA CHING!!!!

More like Chi Chang - MChkflaguard_Yt

I'm so gonna say this to my Asian friends why? they were racist to Mexican people my friend ella she Asian she said mo my lawn to me

Yes

? Obviously

1 Comment
20 What rap song do Asians like the most? Rice Rice Baby

Apparently this white person can't make a decent racist joke

21 What did Asian parents name their retarded baby ? ... Sum ting Wong

That would actually be a good name

Lol! This is one of the funniest

amazing

Yup

1 Comment
22 The problem with North Koreans is that their missiles are as small as their penises

So Kokaine Jong Un can't make bigger missiles?! - BorisRule

How do you know if they have small penises? Do you stalk every asian men amd take pictures of them because you know its bigger than yours?

I'm Asian and this is the best joke so far lmao

True

1 Comment
23 How can you tell if an Asians eyes are open or closed? You can't!

I have big eyes. From chinese - MChkflaguard_Yt

Damn you racist people...

You can, but only if you have an electron microscope

Of course you can! You just need a very powerful microscope

4 Comments
24 What's the dog population in China? 0

This isn't funny. :/ - Misfire

Well cows, chickens and pigs are animals too, just like a dog. I mean Americans don't complain or think twice when they slaughter those animals to eat. It's the same in China, however, the dog population just happens to be larger so they eat dog meat instead of cow, chicken or pig. Honestly, it's narrow minded to think eating dogs are shameful because Chinese people are technically animals themselves because like I stated at the beginning, in America, it's the same, just different animals. Geez, so many people being idiots posting this crap online. Honestly, India probably thinks Americans are disgusting since cows are sacred in come on religion in India. I'm an Asian-American and I'm proud that I eat cow, chicken, and pig meat, but I'm also proud that my relatives in Asia or my ancestors have probably eaten dog meat.

That is cruel towards dogs! How dare you!

Not Asian, but this is um pretty racist, not everyone eats dogs in China.

7 Comments
25 Two wongs don't make a white.

Because asians have yellowish skin. Nothing wrong. But plastic surgery is wrong - MChkflaguard_Yt

If 2 Wongs get together, they'll lead a very happy life

Their is allways adoption

26 What drug do Asians like most? Crystal Math

Yes. Crystal Method is a drug.

Probably inspired by the misspell in the news headline: "5 arrested in math lab"(they were trying to say meth lab)

Funny stuff. Crystal meth is a drug?

True story

27 Where do Asian go for lunch? KFC (Kentucky Fried Chihuahua)

Sanders don't cook dogs - BorisRule

Blacks go for chicken

No. Asians go to dim sum for lunch.

Nah we go to Cha Lou and order lots of dim sum. Or eat at home - MChkflaguard_Yt

4 Comments
28 What do Asians put their birthday candles on? Rice cakes

WRONG! Asians put durian and taro and fruit on their birthday cakes.

At least we don't add sugar and a lot of other bad stuff for you

Well nice jokes

At least rice cakes are healthier

3 Comments
29 What happened to the Chinese man when he walked into the wall with a boner? He broke his nose.

That should have hurt

That was funnh

YO that's the best one I've seen here all I see is lame ass jokes and I'm not even asian when I say that
they really are lame
but yours are pure gold man xDD

30 Asian face + stove = frying pan

Lol that's hilarious - Ananya

THAT really racist

Not funny. Just really racist.

More like cringe - MChkflaguard_Yt

31 What is the most common crime in China? Identity fraud

Actually, it's probably pickpocketting.

Their second name I guess... - Ananya

32 What do you call Asians running down a hill? Asian invasion

Or maybe our youngsters are happy playing with their non-racist friends

Very funny

33 Which rapper do Asians like the most? Dr. Dre

Get it because he's a DOCTOR

The best of the lot and funny too! LOL YOLO

Wut is it supposed to mean

I don't get it

1 Comment
34 I like how Chinese people are good at solving mathematics problems and doing the Rubix's cube, but doing it with their eyes closed, that's a bit too much.

Best one period

I have some friends who CAN do a Rubix's cube with their eyes closed. I wanna see you try!

I am Asian and the rubix's cube is easy

35 Asian diet includes rice, rice, sushi

What about yunnanese noodles then? And tonight yam soup? - MChkflaguard_Yt

They eat da noodle, too!

Japanese, Korean, and Chinese are not the only asian countries you guys know? There's even countries in Asia that Sushi isn't popular

Actually, rice, vegetables, fruits

2 Comments
36 What do you call an asian with a small penis? Normal.

Now that's not funny - BorisRule

One thing I don't understand is why people of the asian race would be viewing jokes about themselves. This is really tmi but mine's bigger than the international average;4.7 " mines 5 1/2". I'm 12 but it only makes sense since I'm incredibly healthy and 5'6

Okay that's not funny

Appearantly my penis is bigger than most of my white and black friends and I'm Asian

2 Comments
37 Why can't Asian people have white children? Because two wongs don't make a wight.

"white" not wight

38 What do you call a black Asian? An undercover cop

Or an Asian who had a horrible sun burn

39 What tests do Asians usually fail? Driving Tests

I'm not aware there are actually jokes that Asians aren't good at driving. - Misfire

What do Americans usually fail on? Diet plans

You do know that some Asians are good at driving!

Some are really good drivers, idiots

2 Comments
40 How do you blind an Asian? Put a steering wheel in front of him.

How do you blind a white? Flash a damn white light infront of them

Actually... if you put a blind fold over us, we might not be able to see

Damn true

41 How do Asians play drums? With chopsticks

I don't use chopsticks unless I go to Chinese, Japanese, or Korean restaurants. - Misfire

I used to drum with chopsticks at restaurants as a kid!

I used to do that!

That was me when I was a kid lmao chopsticks for the win. Forks suck! Lol

42 Yo mama so fat, she has more Chins than a Hong Kong phonebook

Good one

43 What is the hardest job for asians? A: Driver's Ed

Some jobs are actually hard to do...

44 How do asians name their kids? Throw pots and pans in the air.
45 What's an Asians favorite meal other than dog? Pi

Come on! Why these jokes has to sound like racial stereotypes? - BorisRule

Not all Americans eat McDonald's, not all Asians eat dog.

More like racist stereotyping, and not funny at all. - MChkflaguard_Yt

Well yep it was obvious happy racist everyone anti chinese

5 Comments
46 What did the Asian say when he ran over a dog? "FREE FOOD!"

That is very cruel!

That's insulting towards dogs!

Loolll that's true though because they eat anything (just like pigs)

Jesus, why?! - BorisRule

1 Comment
47 What do Chinese do during an erection? They vote

what!

Uhh... I don't get it! - BorisRule

48 When an Asian looks at Facebook, what happens? I want your face in a book, so study hard.

"Facebook? Go face book and study! " -High Expectations Asian Father

49 What did the Asian Do when he went to the pound? He had a buffet.
50 What social media do Asians use? Facebook

Americans use Facebook too! But Asians use WeChat the most.

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Top Remixes

1. God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
2. Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident
3. How do the Chinese come up with names for their kids? They throw a tin can down the stairs.
Metal_Treasure
1. God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
2. Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident
3. You're friends with Asians? Did you learn any of that ching chong language?
ToptenPizza

WRemix

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