Top Ten Funniest Examples of "Ass" Appearing in the King James Version of The Holy Bible
For reference, "ass" simply means donkey in this case. Yet even with all that sacred holy knowledge, it still becomes Godly bloody hilarious.As the per usual, vote for the Top Ten Funniest Examples of "Ass" Appearing in the King James Version of The Holy Bible YOU think deserve a high holy spot on this list...
The Top Ten
1 And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times? Behold, I went out to withstand thee, because [thy] way is perverse before me. - Numbers 22:32
Finally, a man who gets it. Kinkshame that unholy ass beating ass.
2 And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff. - Numbers 22:27
Oh yeah Balaam. Smite that disgraceful ass...
3 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour's. - Exodus 20:17
You heard it you filthy heathens. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass.
4 And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you. - Genesis 22:5
My man Abraham had his priorities straight.
5 Thou shalt not see thy brother's ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift [them] up again. - Deuteronomy 22:4
God has spoken people. You shall not see your brother's ass.
6 If the theft be certainly found in his hand alive, whether it be ox, or ass, or sheep; he shall restore double. - Exodus 22:4
Imagine the terror of living back in those days, and the fear of waking up robbed blind and without your ass.
7 And he went and found his carcase cast in the way, and the ass and the lion standing by the carcase: the lion had not eaten the carcase, nor torn the ass. - Kings-1 13:28
Ah yes. The lion had thankfully not torn the ass.
8 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee. - Numbers 22:29
Methinks Balaam had his face way up in that ass.
9 But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man's voice forbad the madness of the prophet. - Peter-2 2:16
It appears Dumb Ass was used as a trendy insult long before trendy insults were even a thing.
10 And he spake to his sons, saying, Saddle me the ass. And they saddled [him]. - Kings-1 13:27
Who's the ass now? Not Jacob that's who...
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