Top 10 Funniest Insults


The Top Ten

1 You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.

, that is a genius come-back! That is so SMART! Even I wouldn't have thought of that, though I am really bad at comebacks.

Great comeback used it so much at school

I'm using this one on The next person I see I hate

Well I got a joke that will kill you god made rivers god made lakes god made you hell everyone makes mistakes

Roast: Put a condom on your head if you want to act like a dick to dress up like one

V 41 Comments
2 Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Another one is:Roses are red and violets are blue: I thought I was ugly until I met ya

Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers the middle one's for you - PewDiePie

Why on earth are you here?! School doesn't allow litter.

Roses are red violets are blue,I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I saw you

V 84 Comments
3 Hey, I looked up a hobo in the dictionary and the definition was you

Don't work out so will

Ha ha laugh out loud

Laugh out loud so funny!

So funny

V 17 Comments
4 We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

Laugh out loud great for my main enemy that lies A LOT

I know you lie your lips are moving tell me do you think I'm dumb

Used it on my bro he got peed off

Looking at you, Donald Trump

V 17 Comments
5 The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

Wow this is perfect. "Yo mama" jokes are cruel and unfunny. But this? This is comic GOLD!

That is a true burn. The one true burn. BURN! Be it Indian, Chinese or just leant on a soldering iron, it's a BUR! - PositronWildhawk

Laugh out loud this is hilarious!

What if the bloke you say it to says: 'You're good with the chicken's arse, I'm virgin by choice.'?

V 31 Comments
6 Dumbass

My ass smells like cherry coke on a sundernesday because of the time I drove my donkey to work on a twinkie plane... I just said mommy in the bath tub with batman

I started laughing my ass off when all I saw was dumbass. That's a word not a insult

Just classic use of insults since it always leaves your enemy slack dropped of and pissed off. I did this on my mates and they were owned


V 11 Comments
7 Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality

I'm so gonna use this classy one

I am cracking up with my friend ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oh yeah, it must be very VERY BIG! But not bigger than my personality, I am the biggest PERSONALITY EVER!

oh my lol

V 12 Comments
8 You married Barney

"your birth certifercet is an apology for the condom factory"

You so ugly that santa paid you to kill yourself

I don't get it but I'm sure someone will find it funny...

Hahahha yes this is the best!

V 20 Comments
9 Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident

I love this one totally using it on someone from my school, totally gonna shut them up!

This is so funny I and totally going to use this when my uncles disses me again you wait because this insult will be used. I garden tee you that this is the best insult ever to be found please use it because I am

This is so funny! I am so going to use this on my friends when they're making fun of me again. I'll bet this will make them shut up.

Dude this is actually so good. this is the best roast that I have see in a very long time. too good!

V 12 Comments
10 Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror her reflection walked away

I love this so much

Laugh out loud so funny

I usually hate yo mamma jokes but this one is decent - Leaftail


V 21 Comments

The Contenders

11 Your so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper

Not a good one man

This one was so bad that I laughed - RedTheGremlin

Me every day lol

I'm a skinny boi - GleamingShadow

12 I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

This joke is way better than the ther ones. I t's funny it makes sense and it doesn't sound like some three year old isn't trying to make fun of you...

So good! This is probably one of the only comebacks which would actually work when it's not inside your head - reality stinks

That's awesome without being to insulting or hurtful to someones family or looks! I will use this today.

Self explanatory

V 16 Comments
13 You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back

So funny laugh out loud

You were so ugly when you were born that the doctor told your mom what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

Love it used it on my friend he was lost for words! Thanks man


V 14 Comments
14 Ahhh!!! Run a bear, oh wait that's just your mom

Laugh out loud funny as ever

Well, my mom is a bear, that is why she weighs 1000 pounds. I am half human and half bear.

I always use this when I met my girlfriend's mom

Lol so good

V 3 Comments
15 Oh, I'm sorry did I give you the impression that I wanted your opinion? It won't happen again

This one is nice comeback lol

Lol this is hilarious


16 Everybody makes mistakes, even God did when he made your face

God doesn't make mistakes. Don't reply that He's not real because I won't believe you. He is real and nothing can tell me otherwise. - RedTheGremlin

Whoever said God isn't real if you were to insult me try to take a guess what finger I'd put up

Everybody makes mistakes even your mum when she forgot condoms

Oml this is SaVAgE

V 18 Comments
17 You have enough fat to make another human

Man, this is so offensive but it's also at the same time hilarious

Just thought of it

But they need the body parts!

Best comback

V 6 Comments
18 I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

Nice one! :P Always wanted to try this, just waiting for the chance to try it! I totally agree with this one though.

Laugh out loud I should say that to my worst enemy!

I love this joke it is so funny. This kid who lives behind me always insults me and I insult him back!

Nice one

V 19 Comments
19 Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

I love you man! This is the best come back of all time

So hilarious I can use it on m enemies who have dates and break them up

Worst date ever!


V 2 Comments
20 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

I'm gonna say this to my bro!

So funny it brought tears to my eyes

Damn funny! My favorite until now!

Lmao best roast ever M8

V 5 Comments
21 I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Used it already! Very good insult to use on people, love it you should use it to it messes people up a lot. Amazing!

Haha that's funny it would take a while for the person to catch on! Laugh out loud

its funny! plus.. Who whould say that?

That's from beauty and the beast

V 2 Comments
22 You want the stick? Fetch!

That's insulting towards dogs!

23 Yo mama so stupid she still can't figure out how to tie her shoes

Maybe because they're Velcro :L

I didn't know how to tie my shoes until I was 11. :(

I'm 9 and can't tie my own shoes. Quite Sad :(

24 Please take a break from fooling yourself
25 Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Ohh! Major burn! I will have to try this. People always make fun of my pixie cut and the size of my nose so now i, ll always have a comeback!

You mom is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

I love nature but when I hate someone I wish it left

Oh my gosh
Someone call the fire department because u just got burned!

V 9 Comments
26 Hey, I just met you, girl you look crazy, what's brand's your makeup, crayola, maybe?

Saying this to nearly every girl I know

I'm a girl myself, but I must give this insult credit.

Lol I'm a girl but that's funny


V 11 Comments
27 I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

He or she might only be confused because she is stupid enough to be your enemy. You are too good to waste your time on that person.

Very cruel. What if I tell my boyfriend this...

My enemy is going to be so confused when I tell her this

28 I think you need a licence to be that ugly

Brother told that to me and we laughed together

I love this roast
Definitely gonna use it

Oh lol that's way too funny

good one

V 1 Comment
29 Your so fat that the equator is 20000m times shorter than your belt

English tricky language...

Its: Your so fat that the equator is 20000 time shorter OR 20000 times shorter, not both mate

Are you Australian? You said the word 'mate. ' It's fine if you R. I'm attracted to cute Australians. Forget British accents!

I don't get this

I peed my self of laughter

30 Oxygen thief

Lol my brother always says I'm a waste of oxygen
I like this one

31 Your mums so fat not even Dora could explore her

This made me laugh but the others did not really

Dora annoys the crap out of me. Hope I'm not alone

Yo momma so fat she needs Google earth to find her ass hole

Whoever said Dora annoys the crap outta them don’t worry your not alone

V 4 Comments
32 It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails, with a hunting knife, and he ran into me, backwards, 17 times.

Sounds extremely disturbing and awkward

Lol this is funny but if you actually said that to a cop man are you ever in trouble

Honestly, I don't find this very funny, I have been cleaning my finger nails with a giant knife and you know maybe somebody ran into it, maybe they didn't. People just need to be more careful. YeeeHaaaw

That's sick (as in DISGUSTING)

V 2 Comments
33 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from a condom factory

This insult is very good to use for my enemies, my former best friends and my exes. Ha!

I love this one


Love it too

V 2 Comments
34 Did your mum drop you on your head when you were little cause you don't seem that bright

I hear this all the time no you didn't

I personally made this up. It's spool funny

35 Your family tree is a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

I love this one. One time I got into a fight with someone on a field trip and I roasted him in front of like fifty people

This is true just ask my friend kyle he has the same situation as all of you reading

This is the funniest comeback of all time!

I love this bro

V 5 Comments
36 Yo mama so poor she had to get her clothes from a dumpster

That's not so great.

That is very poor laugh out loud

I'm gonna stick to the laffy taffy jokes

I'm sorry but I don't like this😖

V 2 Comments
37 “My husband and I divorced over religious differences.”He thought he was GOD and I didn't.

This is why most women are taking custody of their own kids.

38 Your so lazy that you ask someone to come to your house to change the tv channel

Really? I've heard popsicle jokes funnier

Really. not to be rude bit I've heard better comments than this

39 Bunny kisser

Can't you put an animal more disgusting on there? Like a cow

So funny I haven't read any funnyer jocks worlds funnyest person

Funny with a capital F!

40 I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Kind of like "I miss you, but my aim is improving. " - usmc650736

I'm doing this to this girl that is always a b*tch to me and my friends she is really fat and ugly and tries to fit in but she can't because she takes up the whole hallway oo burn

You always have that one friend that secretly annoys you.

Good one! I'll use it on this really annoying kid.

V 1 Comment
41 Yo mama so stupid she ate cereal with a knife

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store overnight and starved to death

Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save the milk, now that is funny

He messed up the cereal

I have one for u if your dad is gonna acts like a dick would mite as well dress like one.

V 3 Comments
42 Fartpooh

Oh my lord this is just... Brilliant...

REEE - GleamingShadow

43 I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I am gonna use this on annoying person in my class

haha lol

44 People who are stupid, are one of you

Oh lol brill


U mean meh? YAY

45 Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

Telling that to my dictator teacher. Probably get suspended but what eves. My private school sucks anyway. GO PUBLIC SCHOOLS

I dare you to use this on your mother!

I would not have the balls to say that to my mom...

I would though

V 2 Comments
46 I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

Your family tree isn't a family tree it's a cactus because they're all pricks

Great. I used this as a 'comeback' at school when someone called me ugly.

Haga this reminds me of SHAUN BARLETT

47 Yo mama so dumb she got knocked down by a parked car

Laughed the heck out of me it's so funny!

Too funny I was laughing so hard...

That is an sick burn!

That is just HALIRIAS

V 1 Comment
48 Your so weak that you can't hold a grain of salt

I've heard funnier jokes like what is this a grain of salt? Come on. Be more original

How would you hold up your body your legs will brake

What about half an atom? :(

This is an insult, really.😐

49 You look like Justin Bieber

That is so cruel

Lol I'm using this because I hate justin bieber especially when he breathes

I hate who wrote this to him I love justin

Ughh who would like him

V 6 Comments
50 Grow a backbone. Then you can be human.
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List Stats

3,000 votes
265 listings
8 years, 225 days old

Top Remixes (12)

1. Oh, I'm sorry did I give you the impression that I wanted your opinion? It won't happen again
2. Your so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper
3. You want the stick? Fetch!
1. Dumbass
2. Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality
3. You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.
1. You married Barney
2. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
3. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

View All 12

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