Top 10 Funniest Insults

Celestius

The Top Ten

1 You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.

Roast: Put a condom on your head if you want to act like a dick to dress up like one

My classmates are to stupid to get it

I was laughing so loud I couldn't hear the fart coming out of my ass! - Rick201

Nice insult I am going to use on this dude

V 41 Comments
2 Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Another one is:Roses are red and violets are blue: I thought I was ugly until I met ya

Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers the middle one's for you - PewDiePie

Roast: Roses are red and violets are blue: I haven't lost my virginity... I can't say the same for you

Lol I am going to use this at school to get my fake friend ps I'm at school!

V 90 Comments
3 Hey, I looked up a hobo in the dictionary and the definition was you

Said it to my dad and got grounded

It's funny because it was true. I used to live under a tarp with my bicycle.

So funny

Don't work out so will

V 19 Comments
4 We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

Looking at a friend of mine who always takes me for granted like a HUGE JERK and is a horrible unapologetic excuse of a human being (I would call him an animal but I don't want to insult them because I LOVE animals).

Laugh out loud great for my main enemy that lies A LOT

Looking at you, Donald Trump

I know you lie your lips are moving tell me do you think I'm dumb

V 19 Comments
5 The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

Wow this is perfect. "Yo mama" jokes are cruel and unfunny. But this? This is comic GOLD!

What if the bloke you say it to says: 'You're good with the chicken's arse, I'm virgin by choice.'?

That is a true burn. The one true burn. BURN! Be it Indian, Chinese or just leant on a soldering iron, it's a BUR! - PositronWildhawk

Ha ha ha get recked you said that to

V 31 Comments
6 Dumbass

My ass smells like cherry coke on a sundernesday because of the time I drove my donkey to work on a twinkie plane... I just said mommy in the bath tub with batman

art

I started laughing my ass off when all I saw was dumbass. That's a word not a insult

Just classic use of insults since it always leaves your enemy slack dropped of and pissed off. I did this on my mates and they were owned

V 11 Comments
7 Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality

good

oh my lol

Shots fired! - Ananya

I'm so gonna use this classy one

V 12 Comments
8 You married Barney

"your birth certifercet is an apology for the condom factory"

You so ugly that santa paid you to kill yourself

I don't get it but I'm sure someone will find it funny...

Hahahha yes this is the best!

V 21 Comments
9 Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident

Yes

I love this one totally using it on someone from my school, totally gonna shut them up!

Dude this is actually so good. this is the best roast that I have see in a very long time. too good!

SAVAGE

V 13 Comments
10 Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror her reflection walked away

Your mama so ugly when she went to a haunted house she came out with a job application

It's so funny
LOL

LOL

SAVAGE!

V 24 Comments

The Newcomers

? I wish you were a miscarriage
? I'd insult you, but it seems nature did it for me.

The Contenders

11 Your so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper

I'm a skinny boi - GleamingShadow

This one was so bad that I laughed - RedTheGremlin

Not a good one man

Me every day lol

12 You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back

I love this one

That's hilarious. "Ma'am, I tried to get rid of... it, but the window threw it back." Mother: "Dang it."

Damn

So funny laugh out loud

V 17 Comments
13 I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Lol usually u say the opposite

This joke is way better than the ther ones. I t's funny it makes sense and it doesn't sound like some three year old isn't trying to make fun of you...

Self explanatory

So good! This is probably one of the only comebacks which would actually work when it's not inside your head - reality stinks

V 17 Comments
14 Ahhh!!! Run a bear, oh wait that's just your mom

Lol so good

Laugh out loud funny as ever

Well, my mom is a bear, that is why she weighs 1000 pounds. I am half human and half bear.

I always use this when I met my girlfriend's mom

V 3 Comments
15 Everybody makes mistakes, even God did when he made your face

Nice I'll use this one whenever someone goes to roast me ty

That is the most offensive insult I have ever heard.

Oml this is SaVAgE

God doesn't make mistakes. Don't reply that He's not real because I won't believe you. He is real and nothing can tell me otherwise. - RedTheGremlin

V 19 Comments
16 Oh, I'm sorry did I give you the impression that I wanted your opinion? It won't happen again

This one is nice comeback lol

Lol this is hilarious

lol

17 You have enough fat to make another human

Saying it to my classmate

Man, this is so offensive but it's also at the same time hilarious

Just thought of it

But they need the body parts!

V 7 Comments
18 I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

So rude

Nice one

Gotti - BreakFastBeast2005

Nice one! :P Always wanted to try this, just waiting for the chance to try it! I totally agree with this one though.

V 20 Comments
19 Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Worst date ever!

Lol

I love you man! This is the best come back of all time

So hilarious I can use it on m enemies who have dates and break them up

V 2 Comments
20 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

I'm gonna say this to my bro!

So funny it brought tears to my eyes

Damn funny! My favorite until now!

Not sure if I should be laughing or sympathysing this guy

V 5 Comments
21 I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Used it already! Very good insult to use on people, love it you should use it to it messes people up a lot. Amazing!

Haha that's funny it would take a while for the person to catch on! Laugh out loud

THIS ONES ON A JAYJAYS T-SHIRT... ME BROTHER HAS IT...
its funny! plus.. Who whould say that?

It's taking ME a while to catch on

V 2 Comments
22 You want the stick? Fetch!

That's insulting towards dogs!

23 Yo mama so stupid she still can't figure out how to tie her shoes

Plus some moms are special needs and they can't. Offensive to all moms

I couldn't tie my shoes till I was 8. Just don't say that. :(

Maybe because they're Velcro :L

I didn't know how to tie my shoes until I was 11. :(

V 1 Comment
24 Please take a break from fooling yourself

This one is thick boi

Sick bruv toats usin that one

25 Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Ohh! Major burn! I will have to try this. People always make fun of my pixie cut and the size of my nose so now i, ll always have a comeback!

You mom is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

I love nature but when I hate someone I wish it left

Ha ha hilarious some of these jokes are so funny

V 9 Comments
26 Hey, I just met you, girl you look crazy, what's brand's your makeup, crayola, maybe?

YAS LOVE IT! This one is more funny than insulting. Plus basing it off the song Call Me Maybe give this roast extra brownie points. Totally should use this on my friend and see how hard she laughs

amazing

Saying this to nearly every girl I know

I'm a girl myself, but I must give this insult credit.

V 12 Comments
27 I think you need a licence to be that ugly

Lol

Oh lol that's way too funny

I love this roast
Definitely gonna use it

Brother told that to me and we laughed together

V 2 Comments
28 I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

He or she might only be confused because she is stupid enough to be your enemy. You are too good to waste your time on that person.

Very cruel. What if I tell my boyfriend this...

My enemy is going to be so confused when I tell her this

29 Your mums so fat not even Dora could explore her

Nice one! I hate Dora!

LoL

LOL LOL LOL

Whoever said Dora annoys the crap outta them don’t worry your not alone

V 6 Comments
30 Your so fat that the equator is 20000m times shorter than your belt

English tricky language...

Its: Your so fat that the equator is 20000 time shorter OR 20000 times shorter, not both mate

Are you Australian? You said the word 'mate. ' It's fine if you R. I'm attracted to cute Australians. Forget British accents!

I don't get this

I peed my self of laughter

31 Oxygen thief

Lol my brother always says I'm a waste of oxygen
I like this one

32 It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails, with a hunting knife, and he ran into me, backwards, 17 times.

Honestly, I don't find this very funny, I have been cleaning my finger nails with a giant knife and you know maybe somebody ran into it, maybe they didn't. People just need to be more careful. YeeeHaaaw

Sounds extremely disturbing and awkward

Lol this is funny but if you actually said that to a cop man are you ever in trouble

That's sick (as in DISGUSTING)

V 2 Comments
33 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from a condom factory

This insult is very good to use for my enemies, my former best friends and my exes. Ha!

I love this one

Ha Ha! SO FUNNY THIS IS A COMEDY MASTERPIECE!

Love it too

V 2 Comments
34 Did your mum drop you on your head when you were little cause you don't seem that bright

I hear this all the time no you didn't

I personally made this up. It's spool funny

35 Your family tree is a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

I love this bro

Lol

I love this one. One time I got into a fight with someone on a field trip and I roasted him in front of like fifty people

This is true just ask my friend kyle he has the same situation as all of you reading

V 5 Comments
36 Yo mama so poor she had to get her clothes from a dumpster

That's not so great.

That is very poor laugh out loud

I'm gonna stick to the laffy taffy jokes

That is so poor a licious I can't wait to use it

V 2 Comments
37 “My husband and I divorced over religious differences.”He thought he was GOD and I didn't.

This is why most women are taking custody of their own kids.

38 Your so lazy that you ask someone to come to your house to change the tv channel

Really? I've heard popsicle jokes funnier

Really. not to be rude bit I've heard better comments than this

39 Bunny kisser

So funny I haven't read any funnyer jocks worlds funnyest person

Can't you put an animal more disgusting on there? Like a cow

Funny with a capital F!

40 I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Kind of like "I miss you, but my aim is improving. " - usmc650736

I'm doing this to this girl that is always a b*tch to me and my friends she is really fat and ugly and tries to fit in but she can't because she takes up the whole hallway oo burn

You always have that one friend that secretly annoys you.

Good one! I'll use it on this really annoying kid.

V 1 Comment
41 Yo mama so stupid she ate cereal with a knife

Shut up or I will kill you with one/my 🔪

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store overnight and starved to death

Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save the milk, now that is funny

He messed up the cereal

V 4 Comments
42 Fartpooh

Oh my lord this is just... Brilliant...

WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?
REEE - GleamingShadow

43 I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

haha lol

I am gonna use this on annoying person in my class

44 People who are stupid, are one of you

Oh lol brill

bad

U mean meh? YAY

45 Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

Telling that to my dictator teacher. Probably get suspended but what eves. My private school sucks anyway. GO PUBLIC SCHOOLS

I dare you to use this on your mother!

I would not have the balls to say that to my mom...

I would though

V 2 Comments
46 I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I have a rude and obnoxious Turkish boy in my class and he is rude.

Great. I used this as a 'comeback' at school when someone called me ugly.

Your family tree isn't a family tree it's a cactus because they're all pricks

Haga this reminds me of SHAUN BARLETT

47 Yo mama so dumb she got knocked down by a parked car

Laughed the heck out of me it's so funny!

Too funny I was laughing so hard...

That is an sick burn!

That is just HALIRIAS

V 1 Comment
48 Your so weak that you can't hold a grain of salt

How would you hold up your body your legs will brake

I've heard funnier jokes like what is this a grain of salt? Come on. Be more original

What about half an atom? :(

This is an insult, really.😐

49 If ugliness were bricks then you would be the Great Wall of China

I wonder if Chinese people had reacted to this...

Laugh out loud! Fell off my chair!

Savage

Best roast Ever

V 7 Comments
50 You look like Justin Bieber

Ughh who would like him

Lol I'm using this because I hate justin bieber especially when he breathes

That's so funny I could fart

I hate who wrote this to him I love justin

V 6 Comments
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List Stats

3,000 votes
267 listings
8 years, 351 days old

Top Remixes (12)

1. Oh, I'm sorry did I give you the impression that I wanted your opinion? It won't happen again
2. Your so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper
3. You want the stick? Fetch!
RandomThings
1. Dumbass
2. Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality
3. You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.
shadicxd
1. You married Barney
2. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
3. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
DESERTFOX

WRemix
View All 12

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