Top 10 Funniest Insults

The Top Ten Funniest Insults

1 You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.

When I see you I think of a plastic bag, because it's disposable.

Hey my grandpa is poor and my daddy was once poor I just wanted ya to know that my grandma died of lack of health insurance then

, that is a genius come-back! That is so SMART! Even I wouldn't have thought of that, though I am really bad at comebacks.

Great comeback used it so much at school

2 Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Another one is:Roses are red and violets are blue: I thought I was ugly until I met ya

Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers the middle one's for you - PewDiePie

Here is a good one for your teacher roses are red violets are blue they are few teachers just like you.

Roses are red violets are blue faces like your's belong in a zoo, don't worry I'll be there not in a cage but laughing at you.

3 Hey, I looked up a hobo in the dictionary and the definition was you

Don't work out so will

Ha ha laugh out loud

Laugh out loud so funny!

It's funny because it was true. I used to live under a tarp with my bicycle.

4 We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

Looking at a friend of mine who always takes me for granted like a HUGE JERK and is a horrible unapologetic excuse of a human being (I would call him an animal but I don't want to insult them because I LOVE animals).

Laugh out loud great for my main enemy that lies A LOT

I know you lie your lips are moving tell me do you think I'm dumb

Used it on my bro he got peed off

5 Dumbass

My ass smells like cherry coke on a sundernesday because of the time I drove my donkey to work on a twinkie plane... I just said mommy in the bath tub with batman

I started laughing my ass off when all I saw was dumbass. That's a word not a insult

Just classic use of insults since it always leaves your enemy slack dropped of and pissed off. I did this on my mates and they were owned

I got one (breaths in) with a voice like yours I wish I was deaf...

6 The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

Wow this is perfect. "Yo mama" jokes are cruel and unfunny. But this? This is comic GOLD!

That is a true burn. The one true burn. BURN! Be it Indian, Chinese or just leant on a soldering iron, it's a BUR! - PositronWildhawk

Laugh out loud this is hilarious!

What if the bloke you say it to says: 'You're good with the chicken's arse, I'm virgin by choice.'?

7 Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality

I'm so gonna use this classy one

I am cracking up with my friend ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oh yeah, it must be very VERY BIG! But not bigger than my personality, I am the biggest PERSONALITY EVER!

I want to roast a mean person at my school

8 You married Barney

"your birth certifercet is an apology for the condom factory"

You so ugly that santa paid you to kill yourself

I don't get it but I'm sure someone will find it funny...

I love Barney, he is the love of my life. I wish I can marry someone as hot as him.

9 Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident

I love this one totally using it on someone from my school, totally gonna shut them up!

This is so funny I and totally going to use this when my uncles disses me again you wait because this insult will be used. I garden tee you that this is the best insult ever to be found please use it because I am

This is so funny! I am so going to use this on my friends when they're making fun of me again. I'll bet this will make them shut up.

Dude this is actually so good. this is the best roast that I have see in a very long time. too good!

10 Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror her reflection walked away

I don't understand you mama jokes. I mean your not insulting the person your insulting their mum. Shouldn't it be 'you' or 'your' instead of 'yo mama'? - Unnamed Google User Remade

I love this so much

Your mama so ugly when she went to a haunted house she came out with a job application

Laugh out loud so funny

The Contenders

11 Your so weak that you can't rip a piece of paper

Not a good one man

This one was so bad that I laughed - RedTheGremlin

Me every day lol

I'm a skinny boi - GleamingShadow

12 You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back

That's hilarious. "Ma'am, I tried to get rid of... it, but the window threw it back." Mother: "Dang it."

So funny laugh out loud

You were so ugly when you were born that the doctor told your mom what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

Love it used it on my friend he was lost for words! Thanks man

13 I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

This joke is way better than the ther ones. I t's funny it makes sense and it doesn't sound like some three year old isn't trying to make fun of you...

So good! This is probably one of the only comebacks which would actually work when it's not inside your head - reality stinks

That's awesome without being to insulting or hurtful to someones family or looks! I will use this today.

And the comeback for this one is "The same way you ignore the fact that you're a douche? "

14 Ahhh!!! Run a bear, oh wait that's just your mom

Laugh out loud funny as ever

Well, my mom is a bear, that is why she weighs 1000 pounds. I am half human and half bear.

I always use this when I met my girlfriend's mom

Lol couldn't stop laughing

15 Everybody makes mistakes, even God did when he made your face

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made everyone beautiful, so WHO THE HECK MADE YOU!?"

God doesn't make mistakes. Don't reply that He's not real because I won't believe you. He is real and nothing can tell me otherwise. - RedTheGremlin

Whoever said God isn't real if you were to insult me try to take a guess what finger I'd put up

That is the most offensive insult I have ever heard.

16 Oh, I'm sorry did I give you the impression that I wanted your opinion? It won't happen again

This one is nice comeback lol

Lol this is hilarious

Writing this one down. comment if you are too!

YAS I'm using dis

17 You have enough fat to make another human

Man, this is so offensive but it's also at the same time hilarious

Just thought of it

But they need the body parts!

! This is the best thing I have heard in a while! This is so offensive but so bloody hilarious!

18 I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

Nice one! :P Always wanted to try this, just waiting for the chance to try it! I totally agree with this one though.

Laugh out loud I should say that to my worst enemy!

I love this joke it is so funny. This kid who lives behind me always insults me and I insult him back!

Hey, I can use this on my math teacher, I don't really know why she took her degree in math, she is dumber than my brother.

19 Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

I love you man! This is the best come back of all time

So hilarious I can use it on m enemies who have dates and break them up

Worst date ever!

LoL I love this one I'm sooo gonna use it!

20 Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

I'm gonna say this to my bro!

So funny it brought tears to my eyes

Damn funny! My favorite until now!

The best one here

21 I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Used it already! Very good insult to use on people, love it you should use it to it messes people up a lot. Amazing!

Haha that's funny it would take a while for the person to catch on! Laugh out loud

its funny! plus.. Who whould say that?

That's from beauty and the beast

22 You want the stick? Fetch!

Forget the ugly stick. You were born in a ugly forest. Chanel Marimuthu

That's insulting towards dogs!

23 Please take a break from fooling yourself

This one is thick boi

Sick bruv toats usin that one

24 Yo mama so stupid she still can't figure out how to tie her shoes

Maybe because they're Velcro :L

Plus some moms are special needs and they can't. Offensive to all moms

I didn't know how to tie my shoes until I was 11. :(

I'm 9 and can't tie my own shoes. Quite Sad :(

25 Hey, I just met you, girl you look crazy, what's brand's your makeup, crayola, maybe?

Lol nice I used it on my principal and he actually laughed, I still got in trouble but it was funny.

YAS LOVE IT! This one is more funny than insulting. Plus basing it off the song Call Me Maybe give this roast extra brownie points. Totally should use this on my friend and see how hard she laughs

Saying this to nearly every girl I know

I'm a girl myself, but I must give this insult credit.

26 I think you need a licence to be that ugly

Your face looked/looks like a butt I bet it smells very badly

Brother told that to me and we laughed together

I love this roast
Definitely gonna use it

Oh lol that's way too funny

27 Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Ohh! Major burn! I will have to try this. People always make fun of my pixie cut and the size of my nose so now i, ll always have a comeback!

You mom is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

I love nature but when I hate someone I wish it left

Ha ha hilarious some of these jokes are so funny

28 Your mums so fat not even Dora could explore her

This made me laugh but the others did not really

Dora annoys the crap out of me. Hope I'm not alone

Nice one! I hate Dora!

Yo momma so fat she needs Google earth to find her ass hole

29 I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

He or she might only be confused because she is stupid enough to be your enemy. You are too good to waste your time on that person.

Very cruel. What if I tell my boyfriend this...

My enemy is going to be so confused when I tell her this


30 Your so fat that the equator is 20000m times shorter than your belt

English tricky language...

Its: Your so fat that the equator is 20000 time shorter OR 20000 times shorter, not both mate

Are you Australian? You said the word 'mate. ' It's fine if you R. I'm attracted to cute Australians. Forget British accents!

I don't get this

I peed my self of laughter

31 Oxygen thief

Lol my brother always says I'm a waste of oxygen
I like this one

Good one :D

32 It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails, with a hunting knife, and he ran into me, backwards, 17 times.

Sounds extremely disturbing and awkward

Lol this is funny but if you actually said that to a cop man are you ever in trouble

Honestly, I don't find this very funny, I have been cleaning my finger nails with a giant knife and you know maybe somebody ran into it, maybe they didn't. People just need to be more careful. YeeeHaaaw

That's sick (as in DISGUSTING)

33 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from a condom factory

This insult is very good to use for my enemies, my former best friends and my exes. Ha!

I love this one


Love it too

34 Did your mum drop you on your head when you were little cause you don't seem that bright

I hear this all the time no you didn't

I personally made this up. It's spool funny

35 Your family tree is a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

I love this one. One time I got into a fight with someone on a field trip and I roasted him in front of like fifty people

This is true just ask my friend kyle he has the same situation as all of you reading

This is the funniest comeback of all time!

Please apply cold water to burns

36 Yo mama so poor she had to get her clothes from a dumpster

That's not so great.

That is very poor laugh out loud

I'm gonna stick to the laffy taffy jokes

That is so poor a licious I can't wait to use it

37 “My husband and I divorced over religious differences.”He thought he was GOD and I didn't.

This is why most women are taking custody of their own kids.

38 Your so lazy that you ask someone to come to your house to change the tv channel

Really? I've heard popsicle jokes funnier

Really. not to be rude bit I've heard better comments than this

39 Bunny kisser

Can't you put an animal more disgusting on there? Like a cow

So funny I haven't read any funnyer jocks worlds funnyest person

Funny with a capital F!

40 Yo mama so stupid she ate cereal with a knife

Yo mama is so stupid that she cried over spilt milk- chanel Marimuthu

Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save the milk, now that is funny

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store overnight and starved to death

He messed up the cereal

41 I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Kind of like "I miss you, but my aim is improving. " - usmc650736

I'm doing this to this girl that is always a b*tch to me and my friends she is really fat and ugly and tries to fit in but she can't because she takes up the whole hallway oo burn

You always have that one friend that secretly annoys you.

Good one! I'll use it on this really annoying kid.

42 Fartpooh

Oh my lord this is just... Brilliant...

REEE - GleamingShadow

43 I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I am gonna use this on annoying person in my class

haha lol

44 People who are stupid, are one of you

Oh lol brill


U mean meh? YAY

45 Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

Telling that to my dictator teacher. Probably get suspended but what eves. My private school sucks anyway. GO PUBLIC SCHOOLS

I dare you to use this on your mother!

I would not have the balls to say that to my mom...

I would though

46 I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I have a rude and obnoxious Turkish boy in my class and he is rude.

Great. I used this as a 'comeback' at school when someone called me ugly.

Your family tree isn't a family tree it's a cactus because they're all pricks

I think of my bro at the zoo but I love him

47 Yo mama so dumb she got knocked down by a parked car

Laughed the heck out of me it's so funny!

Too funny I was laughing so hard...

That is an sick burn!

That is just HALIRIAS

48 If ugliness were bricks then you would be the Great Wall of China

Laugh out loud! Fell off my chair!

I wonder if Chinese people had reacted to this...

This is pretty everyone's lol of the day!

I literally just dropped my apple chips all over the floor

49 Your so weak that you can't hold a grain of salt

I've heard funnier jokes like what is this a grain of salt? Come on. Be more original

How would you hold up your body your legs will brake

What about half an atom? :(

This is an insult, really.😐

50 Grow a backbone. Then you can be human.

I used this to be to girl in my class and everyone laughed

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