Top Ten Funniest Quotes and Sayings

There are too many of them for them NOT to be put in a list.

The Contenders: Page 3

41 Don't be so humble - you are not that great. - Golda Meir

This reminds me of someone at my school - funnyuser

And that's why we need to have girls as our prime ministers

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42 All generalizations are bad. - R.H. Grenier

Now I get it. its funny because R.H. Grenier is making a generalization about generalizations. HYPOCRITE ALERT!

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43 Silence is golden....but ducktape is silver!!

I love I out of all of the others

I remember this from Terraria

Every man knows this... A creedo


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44 God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve - Anonymous

A amen that is so true?

Yup that's how it should stay

Seriously? I thought you guys were better than that. Gays are human, too, you know. - SansTheComic

"Hey, Steve, who are your parents? "
"Now we have proof..." - GrapeJuiceK

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45 It's all s**** and giggles, till someone giggles and s****

Who made this quote exactly?


I know funny, and this is funny... Think about it!

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46 Fatty and skinny went to bed, fatty rolled over, skinny's dead
47 Arguing with stupid people is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird will poop on the board and strut around like it won anyway. - Anonymous

Love this one!

48 I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Awesome! This is my home screen! Deserves to be higher up.

That's really funny, good on you!

How is this NOT number one again? Oh yeah people think the 3rd page is unlucky.


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49 Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - Anonymous

I agree this is a saying to stop sexism


Very true

50 Being stupid is no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad for example I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad - Sheldon Cooper

Sad, but true, Sheldon. Sad, but true.

I love this quote from Big Bang Theory

:Knock knock: Penny! :Knock knock: Penny! - PopcornPelican

I remember this episode

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51 Umm.. Maybe you should get up first? It's like 1:00 you lazy bitch, get moving! - Doug Walker
52 He who laughs last probably does not get the joke

That's stupid. -. -

Say that to all my friends when they laugh last

That's so true

53 I have two daughters and both are girls - anonymous

This makes no sense, unless I'm missing something.

Well of course they are

Laugh out loud NOW I get it

Really!? No... - PianoQueen

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54 You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is. E. DeGeneres

Laugh out loud thos should really be higher up its awesome

Ellen didn't say this. This quote has been around far longer than her.

55 I'm not a strict vegetarian, I eat beef and pork. - Jim Gaffigan
56 I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas A. Edison

I won't say that it is funny.. But inspiring.. It is a way of seeing things differently.

That sounds like something I'd say. - PianoQueen

This one is amazing I'm definitely gonna use this one

I sometimes say that, haha

V 1 Comment
57 That's what she said - Michael Scott


How is this so low
Its going to be hard to get it up - wren6

58 "I did not have an affair with that woman!" - Bill Clinton

How the heck is this a quote let alone a funny one it's stupud.

59 When you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra
60 If a problem can be solved then there's no use worrying about it, but if a problem can't be solved then what's the use of worrying

I wish more people would live by this saying

Very true come on people give this one a like

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Top Remixes (7)

1. I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say "you're next". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said "you're next".
2. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
3. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin
1. I never let my schooling interfere with my education - Anonymous
2. A boy looked into his parent's bedroom, saying, "And she gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
3. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion - George Carlin
1. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
3. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill

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