Top Ten Funniest Quotes and Sayings


The Contenders: Page 4

61 "Bazinga!" - Sheldon Cooper

Makes me laugh every time; don't see why nobody else will find it funny?!?! - PositronWildhawk

The way he says it though THAT is what makes it funny

Astonished it wasn't higher up! Love Sheldon! - keycha1n

Best catch phase love the show

V 2 Comments
62 Let's make like a baby and 'head out' V 1 Comment
63 Quick, what's the number for 911? - Buckwheat

Whoever said this is th dumbest person alive

V 1 Comment
64 History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided. - Konrad Adenauer
65 Sometimes when I blink, I can't see - Anonymous V 2 Comments
66 I am not saying kill all the stupid people, just get rid of the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out

Yes I agree it would be natural selection

I don't have a clue what that means

V 2 Comments
67 I wasn't drinking, ociffer - Anonymous
68 Think of how stupid the average person is, then realize that half of them are stupider than that - George Carlin

I love George Carlin... That is an extremely witty and funny quote! - Flowersocks2137

69 Life is hard. After all it kills you. V 1 Comment
70 There will be no if's, but's or maybe's, but maybe if we.... - Rodney Eade
71 Love is like gasoline, it's expensive, ends quick and can be replaced by alcohol V 2 Comments
72 If nobody comes back from the future to stop you, then how bad of a decision can it really be?

HA! As a rocket scientist I often worry things I do will destroy the world or something, this puts me at ease... But come to think of it if I destroy the world there will be no future in which to invent said time machine and therefore nobody to come back to stop me... Well darn back to worrying.

Even if time machine exists in the future you can't go to past using time machine

Haha. Should be higher up


73 With great power comes great electricity bills.

True dat true dat

74 Consequences will never be the same! - Jessi Slaughter's dad
75 All things are difficult before they are easy
76 Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. - George W. Bush
77 If you fall I'll be there to catch you, with love, The Floor

Thanks, floor. - SansTheComic

That is very enthiusiastic from part of the floor!

The first person to say that. so sweet. - AnonymousChick


78 Remember, you are absolutely unique. Just like everybody else.

No it means you are unique and everybody is unique in their own way. There is some dumb ass people on here!

I never thought about that... so its means that by being unique you are not unique

No. It means everyone thinks they are unique


V 1 Comment
79 Happiness depends on ourselves

Not funny @ all

It's not funny but it is really true

80 I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
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Top Remixes (7)

1. I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say "you're next". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said "you're next".
2. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
3. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin
1. I never let my schooling interfere with my education - Anonymous
2. A boy looked into his parent's bedroom, saying, "And she gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
3. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion - George Carlin
1. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
3. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill

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