Top Ten Funniest Quotes and Sayings


The Contenders: Page 5

81 We all get a bit angry sometimes, admittedly! V 1 Comment
82 I would rather kill myself than commit suicide - Anonymous V 2 Comments
83 If you fall I'll be there to catch you, with love, The Floor

Thanks, floor. - SansTheComic

That is very enthiusiastic from part of the floor!

The first person to say that. so sweet. - AnonymousChick


84 Remember, you are absolutely unique. Just like everybody else.

No it means you are unique and everybody is unique in their own way. There is some dumb ass people on here!

I never thought about that... so its means that by being unique you are not unique

That is so true


85 "Hey everybody, we landed on the Moon!!" Jim Carey, Dumb and Dumber

Love that movie

86 Born to party but forced to work - Anonymous
87 Sometimes when you intensly dislike a person due to something, you just have to take comfort in the fact that one day they will be dead

That's cruel but true

This is the funiest of all why lie...

Isn't that a Danisnotonfire quote?

88 Did you know that 79% of stair accidents, happen on the stairs?

No way! Could've never guessed that stair accidents happen on stairs!

V 2 Comments
89 When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. - Will Rogers

Am I the only one finds this hilarious? - PianoQueen


This ffor some reason is really funny. I don't know why. it just is. - AnonymousChick

90 What's the power button? - anonymous
91 It's all fun and games until someone loses and eye. Then it's just fun and games with a pirate. - Anonymous
92 "There is nothing left to do but get drunkā€ - Franklin Pierce
93 Thanks to high school I learned to right good. V 3 Comments
94 Where there's a will, there's 5 greedy relatives willing to fight over it V 2 Comments
95 "There is no such thing as stupid questions, just stupid people" - Mr. Garrison V 1 Comment
96 I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Obviously a man Quote.

97 If You Expect a Man to Give You Money After Taking You Out On a Date, Then You May As Well Wear a T. Shirt That Reads "will Have Sex for Food"...... Anita Owusu (Presenter, Metro TV , ghana)
98 I'd Hit It - Anonymous
99 I just received a notice from the garbage department guaranteeing that if I am ever unhappy with the service, all trash pickup will be suspended until the problem is resolved. - D. Mark Wilson

Hey, at least they didn't guarantee double your garbage back, cause their business is always picking up!

100 That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin V 1 Comment
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List StatsUpdated 21 Aug 2017

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249 listings
8 years, 226 days old

Top Remixes (6)

1. I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say "you're next". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said "you're next".
2. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
3. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin
1. I never let my schooling interfere with my education - Anonymous
2. A boy looked into his parent's bedroom, saying, "And she gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
3. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion - George Carlin
1. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
3. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill

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