Top Ten Funniest Quotes and Sayings

anonymous

The Contenders: Page 5

81 "You lose" - Calvin Coolidge

This was in a competition with a lady first to say three words loses. When I read that I knew why they call him quiet cal

82 We all get a bit angry sometimes, admittedly! V 1 Comment
83 I would rather kill myself than commit suicide - Anonymous V 2 Comments
84 If you fall I'll be there to catch you, with love, The Floor

Thanks, floor. - SansTheComic

That is very enthiusiastic from part of the floor!

The first person to say that. so sweet. - AnonymousChick

...HAHA

85 "Hey everybody, we landed on the Moon!!" Jim Carey, Dumb and Dumber

Love that movie

86 Born to party but forced to work - Anonymous
87 Sometimes when you intensly dislike a person due to something, you just have to take comfort in the fact that one day they will be dead

That's cruel but true

This is the funiest of all why lie...

Isn't that a Danisnotonfire quote?
#watchingtoomuchyoutube

88 Did you know that 79% of stair accidents, happen on the stairs?

No way! Could've never guessed that stair accidents happen on stairs!

V 2 Comments
89 When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. - Will Rogers

Am I the only one finds this hilarious? - PianoQueen

Me

This ffor some reason is really funny. I don't know why. it just is. - AnonymousChick

90 What's the power button? - anonymous
91 It's all fun and games until someone loses and eye. Then it's just fun and games with a pirate. - Anonymous
92 "There is nothing left to do but get drunkā€ - Franklin Pierce
93 Thanks to high school I learned to right good. V 3 Comments
94 Where there's a will, there's 5 greedy relatives willing to fight over it V 2 Comments
95 I think Halo is a pretty cool guy. eh kills aliens and doesn't afraid of anything. - Anonymous

Shouldn't be isn't afraid of everything instead of doesn't

V 1 Comment
96 "There is no such thing as stupid questions, just stupid people" - Mr. Garrison V 1 Comment
97 I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Obviously a man Quote.

98 If You Expect a Man to Give You Money After Taking You Out On a Date, Then You May As Well Wear a T. Shirt That Reads "will Have Sex for Food"...... Anita Owusu (Presenter, Metro TV , ghana)
99 I'd Hit It - Anonymous
100 I just received a notice from the garbage department guaranteeing that if I am ever unhappy with the service, all trash pickup will be suspended until the problem is resolved. - D. Mark Wilson

Hey, at least they didn't guarantee double your garbage back, cause their business is always picking up!

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Top Remixes (7)

1. I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say "you're next". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said "you're next".
2. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
3. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin
wolverine7
1. I never let my schooling interfere with my education - Anonymous
2. A boy looked into his parent's bedroom, saying, "And she gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
3. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion - George Carlin
Elina
1. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
3. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill
HezarioSeth

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