Top Ten Funniest Sir Phillip "Pip" Bin Quotes from Bleak Expectations

He is the main character from this ludicrously funny sitcom, so he has to be funny.

The Top Ten

"Shouting made this country Great! The Sun would never set on the British Empire, because if it did, someone would shout at it, and it would have to come right back up again!"

That's simply patriotism like nobody else. - PositronWildhawk

"I can't abide women smoking. Unless they've been set fire to."

This is funny. Mean, but very funny!
Love this list! - Britgirl

Pip: "I dip this 'croissant' into this 'hot chocolate' in a bowl?" Rev. Fecund: "Don't be afraid." (he eats) Pip: "If I were to say it was good, would it be treason to Britain?" Rev. Fecund: "Yes." Pip: "Then it is horrible! Can I have some more please?"
Pip: "If a puppy killer was seen standing knee deep whilst juggling puppy entrails, you could say he was doing his job. But would that make it any less vile?" Lily: "Is that a real job?" Pip: "Perhaps, in France."

Funniest thing here, without a doubt.

"I sat on the bed, and she sat on another bed 30 feet away. Then, dear Ripely, my one true love, lay back and thought of England. And across the room, I lay back and thought of Wales and Scotland. And thereby, union was achieved."

This is basically how a stereotypically British gentleman would euphamise backseat athletics. - PositronWildhawk

"I will take your bag and put it somewhere where the sun does not shine. Lily, take this bag and put it on a coach to Scotland! Bags should be like women. Simple and with one lockable opening!"
Pip: "You are later than a dead man on a delayed train." Lily: "Don't worry, father, we will never be late again." Pip: "Are you going to stop visiting?"
Pip: "This salmon is a little overdone." Gently: "Have some wine with it." Pip: "But this is red wine! With fish! You fiend!"
"This is 1873. Emotions are like port: to be corked up tight, left in the cellar for forty years and given to your grandson on his 21st birthday."
Gently: "What mayonnaise do you like?" Pip: "You fiend! You will never know my favourite mayonnaise!"
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