Top Ten Harry Potter Book Extracts Replacing the Word "Wand" with "Penis"

PositronWildhawk

The Top Ten

1 "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his penis tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.

I have a feeling this was intended when the book was released. - Puga

This is one of the funniest lists I've seen in a long while - Brobusky

This list is funny! Great job PositronWildhawk! - AnimeDrawer

I never realized how funny this list was. - Therandom

V 9 Comments
2 'My penis,' said Ron, in a shaky voice. 'Look at my penis.' It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on by a few splinters.

Hermione was a little too aggressive in bed. - HeavyDonkeyKong

Yo, Heavy! Imagine if Hermoine were naked in bed!

haha

That sounds painful...
My spirit:Body, you dirty man!

3 Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his penis hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.

This is beautiful. - Puga

I think J.K. knew exactly what she was doing when she wrote her books. Filthy beast. ;P - Britgirl

This should be no. 1 dis is amazing - Boshua

4 "Don't put your penis there boy!" Roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

Losing your privates sounds five times worse.

V 1 Comment
5 Ron was standing there with his penis still raised, staring at what he had done. It was Hermione who spoke first. "Is it -- dead?" "I don't think so," said Harry, "I think it's just been knocked out."
6 He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the penis above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.
7 Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his penis a little too enthusiastically, so that he let out a hoselike jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face.
8 Harry took the penis and (feeling foolish) waved it around a bit, but Mr. Ollivander snatched it out of his hand almost at once. V 1 Comment
9 Harry bent down to see whether he was in a fit state to stand up, but then heard loud, running footsteps behind him; instinctively raising his penis again, he spun on his heel to face the newcomer.
10 He bent down and pulled his penis out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

Stop raising wands please - TristGamer

The Contenders

11 He jumped to his feet, at the same time pulling from the waist band of his jeans a thin penis as if he were unsheathing a sword.
12 "Your penis, Severus. I require your penis"
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List StatsUpdated 19 Oct 2017

12 listings
1 year, 45 days old

Top Remixes

1. "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his penis tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.
2. 'My penis,' said Ron, in a shaky voice. 'Look at my penis.' It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on by a few splinters.
3. Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his penis a little too enthusiastically, so that he let out a hoselike jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face.
SwagFlicks
1. "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his penis tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.
2. Ron was standing there with his penis still raised, staring at what he had done. It was Hermione who spoke first. "Is it -- dead?" "I don't think so," said Harry, "I think it's just been knocked out."
3. "Don't put your penis there boy!" Roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"
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