Top Ten Harry Potter Book Extracts Replacing the Word "Wand" with "Penis"

PositronWildhawk

The Top Ten

1 "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his penis tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.

This was on purpose. It has to be. - BlackAngel_ZombieBoy

Doesn't actually exist

Lol this list is one of the funniest on here. It seems almost as though it was written this way intentionally. - SirSheep

This makes a lot of sense! It's pretty funny! - TopTenTed

V 24 Comments
2 Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his penis hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.

You foul, loathsome, evil, little cockroach!
You foul, loathsome perverted little cockroach!

I still prefer this one over #1 - Solacress

I think J.K. knew exactly what she was doing when she wrote her books. Filthy beast. ;P - Britgirl

And Harry was never allowed around children within 50 yards again. - Sop

V 2 Comments
3 'My penis,' said Ron, in a shaky voice. 'Look at my penis.' It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on by a few splinters.

Damn, that must've hurt. - RoseWeasley

Ow. All I can think is of screaming now - SirSheep

Haha lol! Awesome job, PositronWildhawk, bravo! - TheDarkOne_221b

Hermione was a little too aggressive in bed. - HeavyDonkeyKong

V 5 Comments
4 "Don't put your penis there boy!" Roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

Losing your privates sounds five times worse.

5 Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his penis a little too enthusiastically, so that he let out a hoselike jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face.

The orgasm is strong with this one.

6 Ron was standing there with his penis still raised, staring at what he had done. It was Hermione who spoke first. "Is it -- dead?" "I don't think so," said Harry, "I think it's just been knocked out."

When the sex is too much

7 He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the penis above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.
8 He bent down and pulled his penis out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

I would not want my thing in there

Stop raising wands please - TristGamer

HAHAAHAHAA what!

9 "Your penis, Severus. I require your penis"

I thought that Voldemort wasnt capable of love. Apparently I was wrong. - SirSheep

This is just too good.

I JUST WANT TO FEEL HOW SOFT IT IS - CheerioMaster1

Haha

10 Harry took the penis and (feeling foolish) waved it around a bit, but Mr. Ollivander snatched it out of his hand almost at once.

The only reason this isn't higher is that some people won't get what's really happening here... - Solacress

O-O Damn.

The Contenders

11 Harry bent down to see whether he was in a fit state to stand up, but then heard loud, running footsteps behind him; instinctively raising his penis again, he spun on his heel to face the newcomer.
12 He jumped to his feet, at the same time pulling from the waist band of his jeans a thin penis as if he were unsheathing a sword.
13 Snape Raised His Penis and Pointed It Directly at Dumbledore. "Avada Kedavra!"

It's harder to read this now that Rowling's confirmed Dumbledore's gay - TwilightKitsune

14 Fleur Delacour Swept Over to Mr. Ollivander and Handed Him Her Penis.
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100 votes
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2 years, 294 days old

Top Remixes (4)

1. Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his penis a little too enthusiastically, so that he let out a hoselike jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face.
2. "Your penis, Severus. I require your penis"
3. "Don't put your penis there boy!" Roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"
kempokid
1. "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his penis tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.
2. 'My penis,' said Ron, in a shaky voice. 'Look at my penis.' It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on by a few splinters.
3. Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his penis a little too enthusiastically, so that he let out a hoselike jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face.
SwagFlicks
1. "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his penis tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.
2. Ron was standing there with his penis still raised, staring at what he had done. It was Hermione who spoke first. "Is it -- dead?" "I don't think so," said Harry, "I think it's just been knocked out."
3. "Don't put your penis there boy!" Roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"
PositronWildhawk

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