Top Ten Humorous Sayings About Men

Britgirl
Since I know how sensitive some men can be, Yes, you are one of them... ;) I've only opted to using humorous sayings. Hopefully you'll see the funny side.
After all, we must never take humour seriously.

The Top Ten

1 Men are like trees; they take forever to grow up

Gotta disagree with one thing (one thing? ) Beege. Humor absolutely should be taken seriously. Anything that helps keep a body from going stark, raving bonkers in a world gone mad needs to be taken in grave earnest. (Conflictive, much? )

That's because neurotic, temperamental beavers are always gnawing at our pith and stepping on our nuts. Whaddya 'spect?

Ok, V, we can agree to disagree on this. Just a question though...would you say there is a time for levity or just wrong time, wrong place? - Britgirl

You know, V, that is just the reply I expected. You are one of a kind. :). - Britgirl

V 1 Comment
2 Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and husbands

Oh...we UNDERSTAND, Beege. It's just that the reality frightens us close to honest. Going dense is a survival mechanism, kinda like the mammalian-diving reflex. Smiley (because my smilies keep disappearing).

3 A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist hopes they are

And either way, he's a misogynist. Cain't win. Cain't even break even.

Thank you, V. I loved that! Huge smile on my face right now... :D (see? ) - Britgirl

Alrighty, then, Beege. Back to the serious business of chuckles, snorks, and maybe even guffaws.
Really Important Science Stuff Explained By Blondes
Orbit: like, when somebody dies and they put it in the paper.
Comet: when you say something smart and stuff.
Astrophysics: what the Jetsons give their dog so he can go potty.
White Dwarf: David Spade
Escape Velocity: how fast you're out the window when wifey comes home early.
Singularity: when his divorce is final.
Meteorologist: a porky pee doctor.
Archeologist: the chick who invented that funky yoga thing that got you your Beemer.
Zero Gravity: a really good underwire.
Perfect Vacuum: what you mooshed all those bananas learning to get right.
Nanogram: when you send a message to your Nana.
Atomic Pile: like, the worst pickup line ever.
Atomic Number: what happens after you eat Mexican.
Asteroid: may follow atomic number.
Periodic Table: keeps track of your ladies'' days.
Terminal ...more

4 An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her

So, yer saying' that when they go from hot to shot, aflame to lame, saucy to mossy, lusty to dusty, midnight thrills to arthritis pills, they're MORE attractive to a guy who digs up moldy stuff for a living? I can buy that.

Liked this one lol. - Martinglez

V, you are lucky I have a sense of humour and don't see your comment as anything more than you being your usual jocular self... - Britgirl

Touché, Beege. :( (sniff, sniff)

V 2 Comments
5 Any man who can drive safely while missing a girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves

Think it depends on what he's driving, where she's sitting, and what he's kissing. Might need a slide rule for the calculations.

Gah, that should say "kissing" a girl. Sorry. - Britgirl

V, I NEVER downvote your comments. They are always welcome. - Britgirl

"Don't think we can we can overcome..." See that, woman? Got me stutterin'. Dang!

V 8 Comments
6 A foolish man will tell a woman to shut up. A wise man will tell her that her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her mouth is closed

And how, pray, would he EVER know what she looked like with her mouth closed?

Oh, V...that's just mean. Funny, but mean. - Britgirl

Mmmm...give me a minute to catch my breath *insert minutes' pause here *...That song is so sexy! V! - Britgirl

Okay, look here, now. Bonnie again. "Love Me Like A Man." Studio, as always. Little more rocking motion, here. (This is kinda like a vaccination process in reverse

V 8 Comments
7 To attract a man, you have to wear a perfume called New Car Interior

Hmm, V...that sounds positively... lovely, I'm sure. Spraying myself with Odour la Saddle Leather as we speak :). - Britgirl

Now see, Beege, over here in your former back-forty, some of us prefer charred backstrap, saddle leather, and Doe-In-Heat. Mmm-mm.

8 All men are not homeless but some men are home les than others

Ba dum tss - Martinglez

9 Young men want to be faithful and are not. Old men want to be faithless and cannot
10 The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they're too old for it

You're right, Beege. Many a geezer has leapt from a perfectly good plane solely because some gal said he couldn't, only to disintegrate in a puff of smoke and a sad whimper before ever touching the ground.

The Contenders

11 There are only two things wrong with men: everything they do and everything they say
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