Top Ten "I Don't Always..." Jokes

HenchmanNo2 I don't always use my personality to sell alcoholic beverages on television, but when I do, a create a phenomenon and spur an entire genre of jokes such as these.

The Top Ten

1 I don't always pass slow drivers, but when I do I look at them through the window to see if they look as stupid as they drive.
2 I don't always see people I know in public, but when I do I pretend I don't.

Haha this is me!

This is a great list! Clever! - Britgirl

I always do this - Fandom_Lover

3 I don't always poop, but when I do I prefer to do it on the clock so I get paid.
4 But when I do it's really confusing. I don't always say things out of order.

Haha, I like this! And it was really confusing! - Metal_Treasure

5 I don't always drive the speed limit, but when I do you can assume I'm doing something else illegal.
6 I don't always do sit-ups, but when I do I immediately look in the mirror to see if I have a six pack yet.
7 I don't always correct someone's spelling, but when I do I Google that stuff first so I don't look like even more of an ass.
8 I don't always finish the bottle of shampoo, but when I do I leave it in the shower for the next person.
9 I don't always examine my car tires when there are people in the car, but when I do it's because I have to pass gas.

Haha I love this! - Britgirl

10 I don't always know when someone has a crush on me, but when I do it's two years later.

No, you got it wrong. Its ten years later. - AnonymousChick

The Contenders

11 I don't always need the cooking instructions, but when I do I've already thrown away the box.
12 I don't always take the time to make a bed for my pet, but when I do I feel bad when they don't use it.
13 I don't always clean up around the house, but when I do it's in a frantic state while people are on their way over.
14 I don't always learn a new word, but when I do I use it at least 6 times that day.
15 I don't always finish my thoughts.

...But when I do I... - Britgirl

16 I don't always drive carefully, but when I do you can be sure it's a car crash waiting to happen
17 I don't always make blog posts, but when I do, they get removed for profanity

Reminds me of Puga's profile picture.

18 I don't always tell paradoxes but when I do, I don't.

But you just did... - Gg2000

19 I don't always flush the toilet, but when I do I make sure there wasn't anything noteworthy in there first.
20 I don't always eat at Mexican restaurants, but when I do a ruin my appetite with free chips and salsa.

Story of my life. - RiverClanRocks

21 I don't always look at TheTopTens lists, but when I do, they're ones just like this.
22 I don't always share unbelievable stories on Facebook, but when I do I check Snopes first.
23 I don't always watch Pulp Fiction, but when I do it's because I was flipping through the channels and it was on.
24 I don't always post candid selfies, but when I do you can bet the one you see is the best of the 22 I took.
25 I don't always watch movies with my parents, but when I do they contain way more sex than I remembered.
26 I don't always hear people say they know karate, but when I do I assume they are about to get beat up.
27 I don't always get shot in Call of Duty, but when I do I assume the other person cheated.
28 I don't always take a bath, but when I do, I poop in the tub and shove it down the drain.
29 I don't always clean mirrors, but it's a job I could really see myself doing
30 I don't always listen to Metallica, but when I do, nothing else matters.
31 I don't always eat dead bodies, but when I do I deep fry them and cover them in barbecue sauce
32 I don't always splash, but when I do, nothing happens.
BAdd New Item
Featured
Popular
Latest

Related Lists

Ten Songs That Always Get Stuck in Your Head Best It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Episodes Top Ten Bad Movies Trolls Always Add to Positive Lists Top 10 Things That Almost Always Suck Top 10 Items That Will Always Make It to the Top of a TheTopTens List

List Stats

32 listings
3 years, 167 days old

Top Remixes

1. I don't always pass slow drivers, but when I do I look at them through the window to see if they look as stupid as they drive.
2. I don't always poop, but when I do I prefer to do it on the clock so I get paid.
3. I don't always finish the bottle of shampoo, but when I do I leave it in the shower for the next person.
HenchmanNo2
1. I don't always drive the speed limit, but when I do you can assume I'm doing something else illegal.
2. I don't always correct someone's spelling, but when I do I Google that stuff first so I don't look like even more of an ass.
3. But when I do it's really confusing. I don't always say things out of order.
Metal_Treasure
1. I don't always examine my car tires when there are people in the car, but when I do it's because I have to pass gas.
2. I don't always need the cooking instructions, but when I do I've already thrown away the box.
3. I don't always see people I know in public, but when I do I pretend I don't.
Britgirl

WRemix

Error Reporting

See a factual error in these listings? Report it here.
P