Top Ten "I Don't Always..." Jokes

 I don't always use my personality to sell alcoholic beverages on television, but when I do, a create a phenomenon and spur an entire genre of jokes such as these.

The Top Ten

1 I don't always pass slow drivers, but when I do I look at them through the window to see if they look as stupid as they drive.
2 I don't always see people I know in public, but when I do I pretend I don't.

Haha this is me!

This is a great list! Clever! - Britgirl

I always do this - Fandom_Lover

3 I don't always poop, but when I do I prefer to do it on the clock so I get paid.
4 But when I do it's really confusing. I don't always say things out of order.

Haha, I like this! And it was really confusing! - Metal_Treasure

5 I don't always drive the speed limit, but when I do you can assume I'm doing something else illegal.
6 I don't always do sit-ups, but when I do I immediately look in the mirror to see if I have a six pack yet.
7 I don't always correct someone's spelling, but when I do I Google that stuff first so I don't look like even more of an ass.
8 I don't always finish the bottle of shampoo, but when I do I leave it in the shower for the next person.
9 I don't always examine my car tires when there are people in the car, but when I do it's because I have to pass gas.

Haha I love this! - Britgirl

10 I don't always know when someone has a crush on me, but when I do it's two years later.

No, you got it wrong. Its ten years later. - AnonymousChick

The Contenders

11 I don't always need the cooking instructions, but when I do I've already thrown away the box.
12 I don't always take the time to make a bed for my pet, but when I do I feel bad when they don't use it.
13 I don't always clean up around the house, but when I do it's in a frantic state while people are on their way over.
14 I don't always learn a new word, but when I do I use it at least 6 times that day.
15 I don't always finish my thoughts.

...But when I do I... - Britgirl

16 I don't always drive carefully, but when I do you can be sure it's a car crash waiting to happen
17 I don't always make blog posts, but when I do, they get removed for profanity

Reminds me of Puga's profile picture.

18 I don't always tell paradoxes but when I do, I don't.

But you just did... - Gg2000

19 I don't always flush the toilet, but when I do I make sure there wasn't anything noteworthy in there first.
20 I don't always eat at Mexican restaurants, but when I do a ruin my appetite with free chips and salsa.

Story of my life. - RiverClanRocks

21 I don't always look at TheTopTens lists, but when I do, they're ones just like this.
22 I don't always share unbelievable stories on Facebook, but when I do I check Snopes first.
23 I don't always watch Pulp Fiction, but when I do it's because I was flipping through the channels and it was on.
24 I don't always post candid selfies, but when I do you can bet the one you see is the best of the 22 I took.
25 I don't always watch movies with my parents, but when I do they contain way more sex than I remembered.
26 I don't always hear people say they know karate, but when I do I assume they are about to get beat up.
27 I don't always get shot in Call of Duty, but when I do I assume the other person cheated.
28 I don't always take a bath, but when I do, I poop in the tub and shove it down the drain.
29 I don't always clean mirrors, but it's a job I could really see myself doing
30 I don't always listen to Metallica, but when I do, nothing else matters.
31 I don't always eat dead bodies, but when I do I deep fry them and cover them in barbecue sauce
32 I don't always splash, but when I do, nothing happens.
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