Full-fledged List Analysis: Top 10 Immediate Signs You Might Be a Douche

NuMetalManiak
So the previous few list analyses have been quite long. I decided to scope out a list that I could find that was both shorter and something I can talk about. Way to go xandermartin98, because I found one, this list! 122 items, but a lot of cool items. Let's go down the list shall we... Remember, I just give my insights on what I can for each and every single item.

1. You treat members of the opposite sex like slaves: This is less "douchey" as it is just plan bigoted. Reminder that men aren't the only kinds of people who would do this, by the way.
2. You constantly hate on other TopTenners for "stat padding" when they're really just doing what the site was designed for in the first place: SUCH META. There is some recent competition between some of the higher-ups overall. Keep doing what your doing though xander because I like your lists.
3. You still care about Hillary vs Trump: This is so true it hurts. As I have said before, GIVE IT A REST. YOU'RE BELOVED LIBERAL LOST.
4. You take immense pride in having a skill/proficiency that requires almost no actual talent to have: We've probably all done something like this in grade school perhaps. Ah, the embarrassments of our childhood.
5. You're a black person that purposefully acts like an annoyingly racist caricature of black people to get attention from others: So true and they wonder why black people are being treated unfairly.
6. You immediately assume that every person with autism is automatically going to be something along the lines of Chris Chan or the original SammyClassicSonicFan: I have autistic friends, they sure don't act like these two. In fact, these two display what I consider the exact opposite of autistic behavior.
7. You condescendingly and arrogantly sneer at other people when talking to them: Are you reading my mind?
8. You use "fa**ot" and the N word in almost every single online FPS multiplayer match you play: I don't play multiplayer matches, thankfully. One of the reasons are these kinds of people.
9. You judge things based solely around their fanbases: Pretty much my entire full-fledged list analysis on Most Annoying Fan Bases was me not knowing about certain fan bases that people are apparently judging forms of media for. I know not most of them anyways.
10. You're a guy that wears skinny jeans: I can't fit my private area in there myself.
11. You wear baseball caps sideways and/or backwards: Truth. They at least look street-ready.
12. Violence and hyper-realistic graphics are the two most important components of what makes a good video game for you: *cough* Brutal Doom *cough*.
13. You're a member of the Encyclopedia Dramatica staff: That site has so many dumb articles. At least the Chris Chan one was funny.
14. You sexually identify as Filthy Frank: Anyone who sexually identifies as something that shouldn't be sexually identified needs to grow up.
15. You're a white dude posing as a black one: This one's pretty obvious.
16. You talk like the script to a Zero Punctuation video: Don't know anything about this one.
17. Your name is Chad: Looking up Most Douchebag names, Chad is #1. Hmm...
18. You unironically eat Doritos, drink Mountain Dew and wear sunglasses when playing online multiplayer games: A.k.a. the "MLG" crowd.
19. You "grew up" in the modern-day American suburbs: Screw the suburbs. The city slums are probably home to tons of douchebags.
20. You're a Trump-voting, gun-toting redneck: Didn't we already establish we shouldn't care about Hillary vs. Trump by now?
21. You're both gay and homophobic at the same time: A.k.a. the closeted gay that tries to fit in with the straight crowd.
22. You are a long-haired drug addict: This is just a weird person that most normal people stay away from. Douchebag? Not really.
23. You are a jock with a letterman jacket: Yeah.
24. You made your own nickname for yourself: Bonus douchebag points if it's a "gangsta" nickname.
25. You brag about being smarter than others: This one's pretty obvious too.
26. Your favorite character to play as in Goldeneye 64 was Oddjob: I think we're getting a bit too specific here.
27. You're part of the target audience for Beavis & Butthead: Honestly never cared for this show.
28. In America, you work for the Republicans: You work? Well, at least they are douchebags towards the propaganda military leftists.
29. Other countries mean little or nothing to you: European nationalists in a nutshell.
30. You're a stereotypically British entertainment critic: Among some of the worst douchebags.
31. You regularly call other people by insulting nicknames: Yep.
32. Your success in life came mainly from your parents being incredibly rich: While this is all very agreeable, all of this is reminding me of a certain popular TV show.
33. You've wasted precious hours of your life arguing over which cartoon is better than another on social media websites: I wouldn't say it's arguing for a douchebag. Those types of people would rather be opinion shovers.
34. You took the GameFAQs "Best Game Ever" poll personally: Who seriously does this?
35. You judge how overrated certain video games are by how much IGN overrates them in its "reviews": Who uses IGN?
36. You treat Rocko's Modern Life as the inferior wannabe knockoff to The Ren & Stimpy Show: Don't know this one.
37. You constantly call everything overrated: Certainly something a douche would do.
38. You hypocritically whine and complain about other people who have done basically nothing wrong on a regular basis: The average progressive towards the white populace.
39. You immediately dismissed Um Jammer Lammy as the "cruddy girls' knockoff, bro" of Parappa The Rapper: As if I know about it.
40. You have an awful habit of calling people "stupid" just because they accidentally do something you don't like: Would there be more considerably bad words to use?
41. You use autism as an excuse to be like Chris Chan: Hah, didn't I say what I had to say about this one?
42. You're one of the Reddit and/or TV Tropes admins: Are you gonna say everyone who is an admin of a popular site is a douche?
43. You believe that the infamous "Nintendo is for babies" stereotype is true: Who believes this stereotype?
44. You're a dedicated member of 4chan: What even is this site.
45. You have fetishes that involve horrifically torturing other people and claim to be proud of it regardless: This is less douchey and more something completely different.
46. You have blonde hair and/or long eyelashes: This would make a lot of people (specifically girls) douches then.
47. You look like Justin Bieber: I wonder which era of Justin Bieber? The bowl cut, or the actually douchey look.
48. You're one of those obsessive nostalgia fanbrats: Given a few lists this guy has made, he might just admit to being one.
49. You brag about being physically stronger and/or more attractive/handsome than others: All braggarts are douches.
50. Your favorite online multiplayer FPS character class is the Sniper: I don't even play multiplayer FPS for a good reason.
51. Your favorite Overwatch character is Reaper: So many douches play Overwatch.
52. Your favorite Sonic character is Shadow: He's an extremely overrated character.
53. You seriously think that Conker's Bad Fur Day is the funniest video game ever made, over things like Psychonauts, Up Your Arsenal and the Portal duology: All of these games I've never even played.
54. Family Guy is still funny to you: It has jokes for everyone.
55. Your favorite character to play as in Super Smash Bros. Brawl is Meta Knight: Broken character.
56. Your favorite characters to play as in Super Smash Bros. Melee are Fox and Falco: Again, broken characters.
57. You hate indie games for not having the graphical resolution and framerates of triple-A shooters: I hate anyone with this reasoning.
58. You have a name that thinks it's a lot more creative than it actually is, especially one of the "hard to spell for the sake of being hard to spell" variety: You might want to blame your parents for that one if they gave you that name.
59. You were never properly taught how to share food by your teachers and parents during childhood: If they're hungry as hell, give them some. If they just want to eat your food, well, I don't know about that.
60. You call other people douches to hide the fact that you are also a major one yourself: OH! How will you respond to that?
61. Your primary motivation behind joining almost any given fandom with at least one suitable character is mainly for the porn: Is this douchey? Because it's more something else.
62. You insult other people out of jealousy: Correct.
63. You hate Mario Kart 8 because of its character roster and/or the fact that it doesn't allow you to cheat the way that Mario Kart Wii does: You know the freakin' computer AI always cheats in Mario Kart anyways.
64. You have an obnoxiously edgy online username: So what?
65. You're obsessed with putting snidely sarcastic quotation marks around certain words and phrases: Sarcasm in a comment is the most annoying thing ever.
66. You actually believe that 9/11 was an inside job: People who say this are insane, almost criminally insane.
67. The Team America theme song actually reflects how you yourself feel in real life about American patriotism: Only applies to Americans.
68. You're a non-female person that can actually tolerate reading Twilight without throwing up into his mouth: What even is this item?
69. You find ways to work hidden innuendos into practically every possible thing that you say: And no one gets them.
70. You don't know the difference between bad and overrated, and/or what overrated actually means in the first place: True.
71. You make "your mom" jokes: These jokes should not be said once you reach adulthood.
72. You actually unironically believe that JonTron is a bad YouTuber and that him and PewDiePie are evil racists: For random words said online, the racist flags go up. Are you losing the debate? Shout racist and you silence all opposition which ends the argument allowing you to claim victory.
73. You still care about Justin Bieber: Or post about him on this site.
74. You insult people by calling them the names of bad United States presidents like "Hillary Clinton" and "Donald Trump": One of my coworkers did this on a regular basis, comparing people to Trump.
75. You're a furry that's only in it for the yiff: That's just gross.
76. You cannot tell the difference between people's real-life personalities and their fictional entertainment personas, like with I Hate Everything and Gordon Ramsay for example: Media makes us think differently than the real world, yep.
77. You're a food critic that naturally has the personality and attitude of Gordon Ramsay's television persona: No food critic should have this persona.
78. You thought Freddy Got Fingered was funny: Never saw it.
79. Memes are one of the highest forms of comedy to you, only behind cheesy puns and smug Nathan Drake snarks: Memes have made people stray further from reality. I don't even think the other ones are comedy at this point.
80. You still use surfer/skateboarder slang: It's too easy to label douches by this. So many other items eclipse what they say.
81. You remind yourself of Vinny from Vinesauce: You got a problem with that guy?
82. Your voice sounds like the original Fall Out Boy singer: You got a problem with that guy?
83. You look like Beavis and/or Butthead: That would mean having a huge forehead and tiny facial features.
84. You treat America (namely, the United States specifically) as the undisputed center of the universe: There are haters OUTSIDE of the states that even do this.
85. You consider McDonald's the best burger restaurant because it's the cheapest one: There are better ones.
86. You are equal parts fat and rude; bonus points if you find yourself frequently being compared to Eric Cartman from South Park: Oh wow.
87. You're the type of father that The Simpsons was blatantly trying to warn you not to be: Pretty much any Confederate-born father at this point.
88. You spoil your children for the sake of spoiling them, then wonder why they later end up becoming such despicable little brats: Shows the hypocrisy of some parents.
89. You constantly throw tantrums over other people disagreeing with you in conversations; bonus points if you also blatantly use autism as an excuse to do so: This is why arguments are often not arguments.
90. You supported the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot solely because it would help you to promote your Feminazi agenda: Screw the Feminazi/empowerment agenda. They want to oppress all men.
91. As a boy, your favorite Undertale character is Sans: I think you're a wee bit too obsessed with Undertale.
92. You look like Robbie Rotten from Lazy Town: That dude is surprisingly still alive.
93. You think that playing Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution makes you look cool: Basically any game that would appeal to a non-gamer.
94. You have a creepy mustache: Godwin's Law?
95. There is an Encyclopedia Dramatica article about you: Basically Chris Chan.
96. Your two favorite first-person shooters are Halo and Call Of Duty: Two of the biggest best-sellers ever, but nowhere near the greatest FPSs of all time.
97. You automatically hate everything anime: The general reaction to seeing people with cute anime profile pics that batter a douche's douchehood.
98. You're a guy that shops at malls: You do realize a lot of men shop. Don't pull a stereotype on the women now.
99. Your main personality trait is how rich and/or well-endowed you are: Rich people tend to be the worst douches.
100. You talk like Sonic: You talk like Sonic, you look like Eric Cartman, Justin Bieber, original Fall Out Boy singer, Beavis and/or Butthead. What's next? Seriously?
101. You work for Electronic Arts: This list has definitely declined.
102. You think that all Germans talk and act like Hitler and the Nazis: Now this one is true.
103. You make fun of fat people; bonus points if your metabolism is the main reason you aren't also fat yourself: Actually, bonus points if you are not an American.
104. You lack respect for other people's sexual orientations: Yep.
105. You use "gay" as in insult: Middle school homophobes in a nutshell.
106. You talk like a 4chan thread: How about any particularly dumb forum thread?
107. You still throw temper tantrums past the age of eighteen and think that autism is an excuse to do so: So much idiocy.
108. You use Regular Show and Adventure Time as examples of things that are better than classic Spongebob, Rocko's Modern Life and the good bits of Ren & Stimpy: Those cartons are deliberately douchey.
109. You judge the quality of restaurants based on how cheap they are: This is literally my father.
110. You have enough disposable income to where the arcade at Peter Piper Pizza can barely even leave a dent in it: What is Peter Piper Pizza?
111. You claim that there is literally only one way to play Undertale: Or any other game.
112. Your name is Reggie: Urgh.
113. Your name is Justin: Stop it, just stop it.
114. You make fun of other people for being manchildren and are also a huge one yourself: This certainly sounds like every douche ever.
115. You throw hissy fits over having slight problems with the food quality at restaurants: Yep.
116. You're one of the so-called YouTube "comedians" or are very strongly aspiring to become one of them: The "comedians" seem to only exist in the comments section.
117. The TV trope that best describes your personality is as follows, and I quote, "Deadpan Snarker": Deadpan Snarker practically defines douche, unless you want to use the "Jerkass" trope instead. That would actually be more fitting.
118. You use ADHD as an excuse to act like something along the lines of an annoying wannabe Tom Green: Why do people misuse their own disorders?
119. You go completely insane over even the slightest design alterations in fictional characters and settings: Applies to the SJW crowd.
120. You almost literally cannot play any given video game without it having open-world sandboxes and/or online multiplayer: I like linear games.
121. You hate on Nintendo for repeating the same games over and over again when Sony and Microsoft both do the same thing but vastly worse: Correct.
122. You get a mental breakdown over Szechuan Sauce by jumping on the counter, taking your shirt off, and rolling on the floor before unabashedly leaving McDonald's like a manchild: I'm SO glad this is on here. I hate most of the Rick and Morty fanbase because of it.

And just so I can beat you to it (it's not an item but I bet it will be on here after I put this post up)

123. You fully analyze a list on " Top 10 Immediate Signs You Might Be a Douche": Well, so what? Sometimes, you have to be a douche about certain items on the list that can totally apply to non-douches or to other people who are worse? I mean I at least agree with many of the items and there barely were any duplicates so to speak. A lot of these items are very specific though, which is why I either rip on them or let you know I don't know much about them. Anyways, I did in fact enjoy analyzing this list. I wonder what I can do next?

Comments

10/10 - Skullkid755

Well, you can thank me for adding item 122 to the list. Apparently, people are claiming that the guy who had a mental breakdown was only doing it as a "joke" meant to "satirize" the Rick and Morty fandom. Honestly, what he did doesn't even qualify as a "joke" or "satire". - ModernSpongeBobSucks

I love this post - TwilightKitsune

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