Top 10 Impossible Metal Subgenres

Metal_Treasure
The metal subgenres on this list are impossible because they contain "irreconcilable differences". The combinations are so incompatible that are even funny.

The Top Ten

1 Technical Nu Metal

Let me explain the idea of this list. It's possible to mix honey and feces, I mean you can do it. Some people may even like it. But it won't become a successful food product manufactured by many companies because it contains incompatible elements. In this sense a product "Honey Feces" is impossible. - Metal_Treasure

Nu Metal isn't known for technicality - even a small dose of anything "technical" would make Nu Metal fans run away. - Metal_Treasure

To call a genre of music impossible to make or sound good is a pretty close minded action. Undeniable. - Skullkid755

Oh look who wrote that - the person who said Slipknot were death metal because Corey Taylor used death growls. That was very accurate (sarcasm). Also, certainly pretty "broad minded". And the comments you made on this list aren't more credible. Undeniable. - Metal_Treasure

Okay so nu metal is metal? - EliHbk

2 Technical Doom Metal

Doom metal's main feature is the slow tempos along with dark sounding instrumentals. If I play a slow riff, but go from the third fret, to say... the 12 fret of the low e string, and then jump across at least 3 strings for the next note of the riff, you can't say it's easy unless it's 1 beat per minute. - Skullkid755

That would be more indicative of progressive metal rather than technical. Technical's main feature is extreme amounts of speed mixed in with technicality, making this an impossible (or near impossible) genre. - kempokid

If a band could pull it off somehow, I'd enjoy the crap out of that band - cjWriter1997

This is one of the few that I think is genuinely impossible - kempokid

Yeah, Doom Metal only needs a drummer like George Kollias to put the songs at 270 BPM - Metal_Treasure

3 Progressive Rap Metal

I start laughing just trying to imagine how this would sound. Limp Bizkit in a progressive metal context, LOL - Metal_Treasure

This is kind of possible, progressive basically means complex and technical. You can change up the rapping tempo and stuff like that to get progressive rap. - Skullkid755

Still possible for it to exist. In the title, you said impossible metal subgenres, not impossible to be good metal genres. - Skullkid755

Mushroomhead anyone? - The_Crimson_King

What would happen if Mike Shinoda joined Dream Theater. - CloudInvasion

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4 Nu-classical metal

It's impossible because Neoclassical metal and Nu metal have nothing in common - Metal_Treasure

I honestly didn't expect big interest in this list so thank you all! - Metal_Treasure

5 Suicidal Depressive Power Metal

Just the thought of Blind Guardian singing about being suicidal is honestly one of the most hilarious things - cjWriter1997

DragonForce's Through the Fire and Flames would become Into the Fire and Flames. - CloudInvasion

It's impossible because Power Metal isn't suicidal, and in general, music isn't depressive. - Metal_Treasure

It's possible, not sure how a power metal with depressing lyrics would sound, but we have the ability to do it. - Skullkid755

Really? Power metal is defined by its music that isn't depressive or too dark. Suicidal lyrics won't fit. Go write suicidal and depressive lyrics to Land Of The Free by Gamma Ray, sing it with depressive lyrics, and call me back. - Metal_Treasure

6 Wedding Doom Metal

It's impossible because Doom Metal is more fitting for funerals (and there is Funeral Doom Metal) - Metal_Treasure

Just imagine it.

7 Extreme Power Metal

It's impossible because Power Metal is never extreme. It has clean melodic vocals. Children Of Bodom aren't Extreme Power Metal, as somebody on this site wrote. They are melodic death metal with instrumental part influenced by power metal. - Metal_Treasure

If you switch between clean and unclean vocals, and the song changes between extreme metal moods, and power metal moods, I can see this working. - Skullkid755

Hey, you can't switch between clean and unclean vocals and remain power metal. Power metal doesn't include unclean vocals. If you add unclean vocals, you wouldn't be Power Metal anymore, you would be something else. That's why Extreme Power Metal is impossible. - Metal_Treasure

8 Technical Drone Metal
9 Vatican Black Metal

It's impossible for very obvious reasons. Black metal bands from the Vatican area with anti-Vatican, satanic lyrics? I don't expect this to happen anytime soon. - Metal_Treasure

I guess there is Unblack Metal (basically Black Metal but with Christian lyrics) - cjWriter1997

Yes, there is Unblack Metal but I didn't mean variations with Christian lyrics. It really depends on how you imagine a possible/impossible "Vatican Black Metal" - I added a line to my comment to explain what was my idea: black metal bands from the Vatican area with anti-Vatican, satanic lyrics. - Metal_Treasure

10 Avant-garde Folk Metal

This wouldn't be so impossible I think. Avant-Garde Folk is already a thing. Perhaps have something in the vein of Agalloch but just more experimental - cjWriter1997

Would be more like Avant-garde Metal with some really brief folk sections. But typical folk metal (Alestorm) is too far from avant-garde music. - Metal_Treasure

Still trying to picture the avant-garde version of Alestorm's Keelhauled - Metal_Treasure

Sounds like something Mr Bungle would of done if they were still around. - Mumbizz01

They would be one of the few bands insane and creative enough to figure out how - kempokid

The Contenders

11 Atmospheric Crossover Thrash

I'd listen to a band that can pull something like this off - cjWriter1997

12 Glam Death Metal

The closest thing to this being real is Children of Bodom's cover of Talk Dirty to Me by Poison - christangrant

13 Christian Pornogrind

This would be the result of a metal musician breaking an abstinence pledge. - Skullkid755

If you're Christian, making porn related music would be the musical equivalent of sexually sinning. - Skullkid755

It just sounds so wrong... - 3DG20

1. Pornogrind is not a music genre, it's just Goregrind/Grindcore with pornographic lyrical themes not that you could understand it cause you can't make out what the vocalist are saying,
2. Pornogrind is not a metal genre, it's a punk genre - christangrant

14 Country Metal

They have nothing in common, so trying to put them together would be a mess. - 3DG20

Hey but there is a banjo phycosoacal

This does exist, Rebel Meets Rebel is what I would call Country Metal, for those who don't know Rebel Meets Rebel is a side project of 3 of the members of Pantera (Dime, Vinnie and Rex) and David Allan Coe

i might also even consider Load and Reload by Metallica to be Country/Southern Metal, - christangrant

15 Kids Friendly Black Metal

Yeah that's, about as impossible, as walking on clouds. - RogerWatersfan1999

Children's metal is already possible (*cough* Hevisaurus *cough*). - DarkMatter1997

16 Glam Christian Folk Doom Hardcore Black Metal

I think this list is starting to becoming a joke list (kept the grammar error in on purpose). - Skullkid755

17 Speed Metal Slow Jams

LOL, thanks to whoever added it. Yes, that's impossible although I expect Skullkid755 to disagree. He obviously thinks everything is possible. Which is very debatable though. - Metal_Treasure

18 Christian Black Metal

It actually exists (I didn't add this item) - Unblack Metal (it's Black Metal music with Christian lyrics). It's weird though. - Metal_Treasure

19 Electronic Hardcore Gangster Rap Metal

This sounds perfectly possible to be honest - EliHbk

I want this though.-DarkBoi-X

20 Adult Contemporary Death Metal
21 Family Friendly Death Metal
22 Cloud Metal

Basically metal mixed with cloud rap.

What? - Skullkid755

23 Swing Metal

Voice Of Trespass by Between The Buried And Me - The_Crimson_King

Thanks for this example. That's an interesting experiment but it's so unusual that I don't expect to become a subgenre anytime soon. - Metal_Treasure

The Diablo Swing Orchestra - kempokid

24 Jugband Metal
25 Atmospheric Pornogrind

I'd listen to a song from this genre 69 times. - Skullkid755

26 Atmospheric Nu Metal
27 Progressive Nu-Metal
28 Drone Thrash Metal
29 Progressive Psychedelic Death Nu-Metal

A complex and technical death metal song with rap vocals (using death growls) made by hippies on drugs. - Skullkid755

30 Doo-Wop Metal
31 Modern Pop Metal
32 Disco Metal
33 Crunk Metal
34 Emo Metal
35 Emo Death Metal
36 Emo Black Metal
37 Emo Thrash Metal
38 Disco Crossover Thrash
39 Non Cheesy Power Metal

Bullcrap. Tell that to Blind Guardian who are so not cheesy.

40 SoundCloud Metal
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