1 A man escapes down a manhole. Police are looking into it.
It's dreadful. But it had me laughing. - PositronWildhawk
This sounds so wrong! WHO CAME UP WITH THIS?! THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE!
2 An English Teacher gives students advice when they write poetry. A stranger comes in, wipes his feet, turns to face the door and a strong aroma fills the room. She had said "use a little onomatopoeia!"
Hi PositronWildhawk. Brilliant list! This made me laugh the first time. I'm still laughing! Very clever. Haha! - Britgirl
Haha! I get it! Laugh out loud! Awesome list! - funnyuser
And then everybody died
Hahaaha I don't even get this
3 We had to rush the chef to the hospital. He was struggling to make a broth.
Haha! This is delightfully absurd! Nice... God bless, loved the chem-periodic joke! - HezarioSeth
Haha did he have raibes
4 A woman was accused of sexual harassment when she asked her boss to use his dictaphone
5 One helium nucleus says to another, "I need to cool off" and the other says, "You're in luck! I have you down for the full spin!"
Forgive me for my Physics jokes. I tell a lot of those. I'M A NERD, OK?!?! LET ME LIVE MY NERDY LIFE! I tell Chemistry jokes periodically. - PositronWildhawk
6 I tell Chemistry jokes periodically.
Funny I love chemistry
You're studying the tiny branch of physics which is that of the outer electron. Why not stop stamp collecting and expand into the interesting stuff?... - PositronWildhawk
I get it! The periodic table! Nice one Positron! - RiverClanRocks
Sounds something my mom would say. ( she's a chemist ). - funnyuser
OK. OK. Is everyone giving me a hard time just for that? - PositronWildhawk
7 Two muffins in an oven. One muffin says "it's really hot in here", the other says "whoa, a talking muffin".
Got me laughing
OK WAS HE EATING A MUFFIN
8 A five foot man escaped from jail. It's a small medium at large.
That's whack man rubbish even my friends little cousin can have a cuss better than that and he said that ugly 5 foot man is the person who wrote that. Don't ever say a cuss all right because my friends little cousin who is 4 can cuss you down at a cussing match.
Your comment is not only out of context but completely irrelevant to this entire website since curse words are denied by staff. - SpaceCakes
That's good but lame... - CityGuru
9 A French greengrocer gave birth to twins. She'd have been fine with one but couldn't mangetout.
So funny I forgot to laugh
10 2 cannibals are eating a clown. One Cannibal stops and looks at the other one and says "Does this taste funny?"
My uncle is a clown ya dang bat
This joke is my childhood
11 A Higgs Boson goes into a Church. They say "You can't call yourself a God particle!" The Higgs says, "Without me, you'd have no mass!"
I know. My Physics jokes are pretty bad. - PositronWildhawk
I just knowtist what this ment lolol
12 I just took the metal off my iPod. Now, nothing plays!
But I have some alternative. - Kiteretsunu
Snort laugh out loud - maddyparrot22
13 Physics makes you do work, Chemistry makes you react, Biology makes you throw up!
I saw this cracker on TheTopTens. I love it so much! So don't you all moan at me, OK?!?! - PositronWildhawk
That is SO true!
14 A priest a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar, the bartender says "what is this some kind of joke?"
HAHA! WHAT A KNEE SLAPPER!
Mine is priest, minister and rabbi. - Connor360
15 What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent, plus Nickelback.
Haha! Whose is this? Love it! - Britgirl
It's fiddy cent featuring nickel back - Zindondiddlybop
LOL! I love it! - TACO63
16 What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto
Ha! - Userguy44
That's very clever!
17 Two wasps of the opposite sex met. One wasn't attracted; the other was hornet.
18 Uh-oh David lost his ID again, guess we have to call him Dav now.
Dav. Just Dav.
There is a kid sitting across the room named David.
Hey Dav! - CityGuru
Haha, LAUGH OUT LOUD!
19 A man working for Morton Salts died. He was assaulted.
20 'Tis my pleasure to share. Heard of Cher's twin sister? Cher and Cher alike.
21 I won't make any chemistry jokes today. NaH, I changed my mind!
22 I went to a refreshment bar at a zoo and asked for a White Cappuccino. The man got out a rifle and asked me to pick one.
23 Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
24 A bird bit me. Owl.
25 How to get a rock: I have a simple plan. Ask a man with a rock to give it up, then he would get a nickel back.
26 Once, I had an apple I found on the ground. I called him bob. I took care of him.
27 What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a paper bag? Rustle.
28 What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob.
29 What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
30 What do you call a man with rabbits in his ears? Warren.
31 Why did the Leprechaun cross the road?, Because he saw another green man on the other side.
32 I used to be a stand up comedian but I had to sit down
33 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
34 A man walked into a zoo, but there was only a dog in the zoo. It was a Shih Tzu
35 What people are always in a hurry? Russians.