PositronWildhawk's Sarcasm Series Contest: Movies

MontyPython As you may have guessed, I joined the Sarcasm Series Contest. If you didn't know, you probably didn't read the title. (How lazy..)

You've most likely been asked, "What's your favorite movie?". And I bet you've probably replied either, "Citizen Kane" or "I can't choose". Why those two answers?
1. Everyone says Citizen Kane when they can't choose but they don't want to be rude. (Unless your favorite movie is actually Citizen Kane)
2. You don't give a damn if you're being rude or not, a movie is just a damn movie!
But why do we enjoy movies so much? They're just pictures that are in motion. But there's something so... Appealing about them. Basically, film is just when you want to watch other people talk and punch each other on a screen when you are bored. Because to be honest, it's fun to watch other people get slaughtered instead of yourself.

Movies way before 1915 are great movies no doubt, but the names are just hard to recall. Back then when someone asked, "What's your favorite movie?" You reply, "Probably A Train Arrives at the Station or A Trip to the Moon." But now when people ask you what your favorite movie before 1915 was, (Because you've totally been asked a question like that before), you reply either,
"I don't watch that old s***."
Or,
"That one with the moon and the dancing mermaid girls." It's that difficult, isn't it? Maybe we don't remember those names because we don't have that big of an attention span. (Translation: We're stupid as hell.)

There's many different types of movie fans. One type of movie fans are the ones who love horror. Those kind of fans make sure you don't find the knife they keep under the bed because only someone's intestines are aloud to see the knife. So if you have a friend who's obsessed with horror, blood, and gore overall, no. Don't follow them to watch them "clean out their closet". We don't want a knife jabbed into your stomach. Another type of fan is the romantic comedy fan. Those types of fans are most likely trophy wives who'll laugh at any joke about champagne while holding a wine glass in her hand. Also, they'll cry at anything as well. Remember, when you watch Titanic with them and they
keep blabbering on about how Jack can't be dead, tell them this is the 12th time they've seen this movie.

Don't you hate it when there's a movie you find unbelievably overrated and dull but everyone else calls it underrated and a masterpiece? It's pure frustration and annoyance. For example, they're just like, "It's so beautiful! It deserves more love!" But then it reality it's like, "15 Oscars. 15 freaking Oscars. That's underrated?" I guess something that didn't get 300 FREAKING OSCARS must be underrated. Very oblivious. Or maybe I'm the one who's oblivious? .....Nah. People are just idiots.

Who goes to the video store anymore to be honest. I mean, when walk into the store, the person at the front desk is always a complete jerk and barely anyone is there. You then look up at the signs hanging from the ceiling and look for the sign that has the big letters that say "Horror". Then when you're peeking around for a copy of Psycho, you look over at the XXX side of the store for a second, then you realize that many people are here, just in that section. Then you think, "God, what perverts." That's when you can't find Psycho so buy Troll 2 instead. What a terrible time. Just remember, they're eating her so that means they're gonna eat you. OH MY GOOOOOOOD!

Directors can actually be the strangest people. I mean, they get ideas about kids befriending aliens and a so called "local idiot" who's great at running. But then there's the weird guys who direct people eating poop and people getting stitched together anus to mouth. Wow! Anus to mouth? Masturbating with sandpaper? This surely must be a masterpiece! Too bad it didn't win 300 FREAKING OSCARS! People who say movies like that are masterpieces make me think about what people are into nowadays. It's pretty sick stuff that's for sure. But then again sick = great film work.

When you're watching a movie, remember that the movie must be underrated because it only won 15 Oscars. Not 300 FREAKING OSCARS, only 15. What a shame, isn't it? Now, let's see if I win the Sarcasm Contest. Probably not, because I didn't win 300 FREAKING OSCARS.

Comments

Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to give you an Oscar. So zero Oscars, and you can call this underrated. - PositronWildhawk (8/22/2015)

Ah well. Everything that didn't win 300 OSCARS is underrated anyways. - MontyPython (8/22/2015)

Cool - bobbythebrony (9/8/2015)

Thanks! ^^ - MontyPython (9/23/2015)