(Really old, dead, and unfinished post) 100 Hilarious Fail ToysPowerfulgirl10 I made this a year ago from today. Are you proud of me?
Some really old post I've been working on. I'm not even close to finishing it, and I don't care about it anymore. Here's what it was about:
There are a ton of toys in the world. A lot are pretty decent and kid-friendly. But there are also a lot of controversial, inappropriate, dangerous, and dumb toys. I hope you can handle a bunch of innuendos and controversy, because there's plenty of it on this post. And I also hope these jokes or whatever aren't that bad. There are 100 Fail toys listed here (and they're not in order, they're just randomly arranged):
1. Pole Dance Doll
Wouldn't you believe they would make these... for CHILDREN?! That's just sick. They made stripper dolls for kids. Does it at least have clothes on?
2. Hitler Doll
I can't believe they would actually sell a dictator doll to children. I mean, he killed over 3 million Jews like decades ago. What were they thinking?
3. Dora Aquapet
Well, this resembles, um... a penis... Dora is just drowning inside it, too. Also, I don't think that D in the middle stands for Dora...
4. Baby Wee Wee
I can't even describe how bad this doll is. You make a baby drink water. Seems innocent enough right? Well think again. The doll has an actual penis... I'm pretty sure this was banned. It's just weird. Also, there's a similar doll to this, but it's part actually MOVES when it's belly gets touched. Gross.
5. Doggy Doo
It's one of those toys/games where a dog poops. It's about a dog with constipation (that's what's said on my version) and you have too feed it this play-doh-like stuff. You takes turns rolling the die, and push on the dog's leash. Obviously, he poops, and the first person to collect three turds wins. Nasty.
6. Lawn Darts
These are darts that you throw into the ground. They have actual metal in them, too. Some people end up getting killed by these dangerous "toys." This was a huge controversy and it was pretty sad to lose loved ones. Lawn Darts got taken off the shelves immediately.
Don't get me wrong, I love these things. But some people thought these were creepy, and were murderers. People even made theories similar to the movie Gremlins where you can't get them wet (they'll break) or feed them after midnight (I'm not sure about this one.) This is mostly about the 1998 version.
8. Oreo Barbie
This toy was pretty controversial because of how racist it was, especially the African American version. Just look up the real definition of oreo, compare it to the cookies, and take a look at the African American version. Then you'll see why this toy is racist. Definitely bad, right?
9. Rad Repeatin' Tarzan
Apparently, this toy shows a reference to Spank the Monkey. He yells and... moves his hand up and down... Oh my gosh... Also, the toy has the name "Repeatin" for a reason. It records sounds and keeps them stored in the toy. I don't think that's a good idea since dirty-minded people could leave inappropriate messages in the toy. Also, people could leave messages that scare others in the toy.
10. Breastfeeding Baby Doll
Is this what toys have come to? Little girls wearing fake boobs ad breastfeeding dolls? I mean, give me a break. Only adult women breastfeed, not little girls.
11. You Can Shave the Baby
Oh my Lord. This doll sucks. It's a doll you can shave. Not only is the hair on her head, but also on the but and crotch. I don't think THAT much hair grows there. Babies don't even grow hair there period.
12. Tinky Winky Doll
I'm not a fan of Teletubbies, but I gotta admit, this doll is somewhat funny. I sounds like he's saying "I got a gun." but he's really saying "Again. Again." It even says other weird phrases. Also the "Big hug" one might sound like something else.
13. Flying F*CK RC Helicopter
This is literally just the word "F***" but with propellers. It would be weird to see that flying around.
14. Harry Potter Vibrating Broom
It's a broom that vibrates on the kid's crotch. It seems awkward...
15. Pee and Poo Plush Toys
They're dolls that are a pile of poop and a drop of pee. Enough said.
16. Little Lost Baby
This doll literally has three faces on its head. It's terrifying! I can definitely see why this doll was supposed to be an abandoned baby.
17. Elmo Knows Your Name Doll
Is this thing psychic or something? Or just a lucky guess? He must be a stalker. I have absolutely no idea how a doll knows every person's name. But laugh out loud, it's crazy. I actually heard you type information about your child on a website and Elmo somehow knows about him/her.
18. Barbie Growing Up Skipper
Apparently, Skipper's supposed to grow... boobs. You twist her arm around, she gets taller and grows a larger chest. It's really weird. There's a similar doll to this, but you have to twist something on her back, she grows about an inch taller, and she grows boobs.
19. Shapeshifter Punisher
This is an action figure with a secret weapon. You open up his stomach, and then there's a large gun inside. It has a strong resemblance to you-know-what. And believe it or not, you have to squeeze it to make the weapon shoot out of it. And his name sounds like a bad pun. I won't explain it. I've already gone too far.
20. Barbie Tanner
Yet another pooping dog toy. Now known as Butch from Lucky Penny Shop. You feed Tanner food, and he/she poops them out. Then it has to eat the poop all over again. Also, a lot of them slip out very quickly. Explosive diarrhea. There's a rip-off made by the same company named Taffy.
21. Snow White Pez Dispensers
These Pez dispensers look like the candies are coming out of their... crotches...?! That's just so sick, yet they even made a SpongeBob SquarePants version.
22. Snacktime Kid Cabbage Patch Kids
This was a really big controversy. This doll was supposed to eat plastic snacks that you feed it, but it also has it's own evil tricks. Since the mouth is uncontrollable and there's no on/off button, the doll "eats" people's fingers, hair, and ties. And it doesn't stop chewing until there's nothing left in its mouth. I heard one girl got scalped and killed by this demonic thing. Mattel was forced to take the dolls off the shelves.
23. Shapeshifter Spiderman
Apparently, Spider "Man" has a little secret. You stick that one weapon up Spiderman's crotch. His... vajayjay? And then you squeeze his legs together to make the weapon shoot out of his crotch. It's weird. Like the Punisher.
24. Sky Dancers
These dolls are supposed to be fairies that fly into the air. You sit the diary on something that comes with it, pull the string, and let'er rip. But the fairies fly at a high rate of speed and slap children and possibly cut them, too. So bye-bye to those fairies.
25. Easy Bake Oven
You are supposed to cook tiny treats in a little oven. Kids have burned their fingers from this toy, and I've heard a six-year-old must've died from one. And a 5-year-old girl had to get part of her finger amputated.
26. World Trade Center Airplane Toy
Really? Did they have to put an airplane between two buildings? And also, the toys were clearly labeled with the product number 9011. These offensive toys were taken off the shelves when customers complained about them.
27. Fr-ooze Pop
These really resembled penises with gooey substances coming out of them. And I bet when people are eating these, somebody's gonna wind up saying "Lick it" or "Suck it." That's just wrong... wrong on so many levels...
The name already sounds inappropriate itself, especially when somebody mispronounces it. And something about this toy said "You can smack it, you can whack it! Balzac!" Apparently, the company was definitely trying to make a dirty toy.
29. Wolverine Squeaky Hammer
It's an inflatable hammer that you blow up. But the pump is on Wolverine's crotch. So that is just going to either make the kid give Wolverine CPR the wrong way, or do something even more extreme.
30. Inflatable Train Slide
So... I don't know who was crazy enough to come up with THIS, but this... it's just too extreme. It's supposed to be a long inflatable train, but do trains really have a giant penis on the front of them?! No. So why does this one have it?
31. Inflatable Pikachu
Just like Spiderman, Pikachu's a girl! Apparently people go inside "his" lady parts. Nasty.
32. Baby Laugh-A-Lot
I love this creepy doll for some odd reason. I want one for myself. This is supposed to be a little girl (her face looks distorted) and she makes the laugh of some killer child. And what's even worse (or better in my opinion) is that when there's a low battery in the doll, she starts sounding like a demon and has a voice in a much deeper tone. I don't know why, but this toy really cracks me up just like the girls in the commercial.