A Sarcastic Overview Of Wasps

Ever heard the joke about the wasp in the pet-shop window? It’s unlikely that you haven’t; it’s been around for as long as wasps have made amazing pets. There’s a lot to say to complement nature’s golden-black assassins, whose presence in the modern world has done a lot for us, which is what I have taken this chance to talk about, to toast one of many creatures for its unique contribution to our lives.

I’ve always had a thing for wasps. I’ve had this truly fortunate experience which made me realise the roles which they play, in which I was on a public street, and a very needy and friendly insect the size of a pen lid went down into my shirt. This was perfect target practise for the bug; I didn’t even know it was there, and this gave it the perfect opportunity to give me the precise acupuncture needed to redistribute the tension in my spine. I’m glad for it, as it was able to take copious levels of stress out which it may have had. Wasps are certainly fortuitous animals; a psychopathic killer can’t do the same thing, as the police will always lock them away, simply for doing their business. Animals become overburdened in life as much as we do, and some may feel the need to take it out, which is why it’s socially acceptable to wear a top with a loose collar, simply expecting attack. However, I’m certain that the creature wanted a way out other than its initial way in, as these animals are very well-mannered, so I was quick to attend to its needs over mine by thrusting my shirt over my head, and not caring how many people were staring at me. I don’t need any cream to neutralise the acid in the craters in my skin, for I need only acknowledge that the wasp is like us, a creature which can hold in the stress it may have in its mind before taking it out appropriately. It just goes to show that they are a more sophisticated species, who make it apparent that being a sociopath is theoretically OK.

I never saw that sophisticated, righteous and thought-provoking insect again, but I need not, for I need only tally it up with the experiences I have made with others of its species. A day in the life of a wasp begins with emerging from a bed made from excreted papery wood, a substance unlike any other material. Forget Graphene and Teflon, this is just something else. With a unique shell which attaches to itself, to any surface, and any body, it shows that Stone Age technology in which we built things from faeces was not at all inferior, and the wasp must therefore be a superior species.

The wasp goes on to do many useful things for the creatures around it, from acupuncturing my dog’s paw when it treads on it, which was helpful for my dog to forget the annoying mild cramp that was in the paw at the time; to grabbing that caterpillar on the leaf before that curious child there gets needles in his finger. The wasp clearly does good for everyone, in vexing the world around it simply by establishing its presence. It speaks to the idiot that is man and shows us the errors in our way of peace. Without the Skrillex-like hum in one’s ear to allow the mind to fluster, without the shot full of acidic adrenalin to change your day, we would all be in a world where our levels of blood pressure would provide our hearts with as much useful output power as a single-ant-driven carriage. For the health and motivation to work that we have today, wasps are clearly essential to create the planet which we have, with a mental state in which we drive ourselves insane, and the most psychotic of us are those who drop out. Wasps are the way to keep the balance, which is why I go around annoying people and humming as I come after their lemonades to continue this unique way of living. Thanks for the inspiration.

I get this reminder all of the time. The wasp seems driven to come in through a window of my house, and ignoring the breeze which would indicate a way out, giving into no temptation, only to appear as a surprise house guest. I must say that they make truly excellent company; there’s a lot to talk about and many productive ways to interact with it. For instance, it can hum in a harmonic which even I, as a physics student, did not think was adequate to stimulate my eardrums in such a dynamic pattern. I feel the uncontrollable instinct to provide an unthinkable new use for a book, and maybe even develop a pivotal mental state which gives me determination to change its physical state for good. Putting it outside would be out of the question; an impoliteness beyond comprehension. It’ll still be waiting for the time to retaliate, anyway. This must be why they enter preschools, to bring lessons of delight to the curious, susceptible infants and entertaining them with a real-time slapstick comedy show.

I don’t think I can picture a world without wasps. I think I’ll find one of their homes someday and make my presence, and thus, my sincerest thoughts on them, as clear as possible. I can picture my humble self doing this as much as I can picture a Western tourist in Nagasaki in 1945 announcing his appreciation of nuclear engineering. We’re just two insightful minds.

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