How to series episode 3: How to create and solidify a religious cult

A quick overview: I am aware that this post will be seen as controversial in the minds of some people. If you do not like religious satire, don't read on. Also, don't even think of sending me hate comments on how I'm the Antichrist or some ridiculous garbage. I don't care about your hypersensitive feelings, and it would be a waste of time for you. Also, I am a Christian but I'm not making any exceptions. Anyway, lets move on.

Some things just never change with people. We have always seen people with a napoleon complex who think that they have a "divine right" to do whatever they want at the expense of others. This has had major consequences historically and that won't change. If you feel that you want to form a new cult, then consult this list during your crusade.


Step 1: Create some ridiculous idea and get it out there.


Normally, I would tell you to lose 99% of your brain cells, but if this idea even crosses your head, you're good enough for this. Create an idea like broccoli killed Jesus or bathroom breaks are a satanic ritual to several false gods. Preach this idea and get it out there in the most obnoxious way possible from knocking on doors to armed attacks on people. Do this under a banner of "truth" and act as that crackhead you see under a bridge in the process. Convert as many people as possible to your idea and watch as your group grows bigger.


Step 2: Start building meeting or worship centers.


Now that your group is big enough to be seen as a massive joke, it is time to find a place to continue acting like morons. Receive funds to build a place or use an already existing building like your parents basement for this task. Receiving funds in a tolerable climate should not be hard I hope. If it is, then you will be burned at the stake since you are not the chosen one. Once the sacrifice center er I mean place of worship is found or completed, begin with crazy rituals like lighting buildings on fire or drinking blood and make sure all followers do the same. Once that is done, begin another spread.


Step 3: Spread the stupidity beyond your local area.


As many people would say, the more the merrier. Therefore in your best interests, come up with new ways to spread the faith such as social media or your good old crusades. Armed attacks are a must if you want to be meme worthy in the eventual future. Also think of a meme worthy catchphrase like The French fries have eyes or Allah Akbar. Make sure your faith can be read in every language including Wookiee in order to be there in the mainstream conscience.


Step 4: Defend thy faith


With your group now in the mainstream conscience, make sure nobody criticizes your faith in any medium of communication. Threaten cartoonists with bombs for drawing your prophet, claim that your religion is being persecuted, or even dress up in creepy white robes and terrorize people who threaten this very idea. If you fail to defend the faith, you will be subjected to every torture known to man until you die. Also punish people within your own group if they even remotely disagree with an idea you have like what kind of cheese to buy, Keep this up for all of eternity.




That is how you can form an idea, work for followers and watch as it slowly takes over the world like the zombie apocalypse. Hopefully you enjoyed this and if you don't, oh well not my problem.













Comments

Lol - visitor

That's pretty accurate - 2storm

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