The Truth About Ronald McDonald

Ladies and gentlemen and fellow toptenners, I, TwilightKitsune, have uncovered a truth, a truth so vital to humanity’s survival, if my enemies knew I had discovered it, they would kill me. This truth was forbidden to be discovered and now that rule has been broken. This is the ultimate crime.

After minutes and minutes of endless googling of memes and listening to ‘Clarity’ by Zedd Ft. Foxes, I have found out something: Ronald McDonald is a vampire.

You may scoff at me and say hraw hraw hraw, but after piecing together the facts, I cannot deny it. It all makes so much sense now, I don’t know how I didn’t realize it before.

Now, as we all know, Ronald McDonald is the main mascot of McDonald’s. He is a clown with red hair and stripy clothes with a yellow suit. He has a grin so wide he looks like he could eat you and his eyes are motionless. But when you look inside them, you can see that they light up in pleasure when he hears the screams of a child.

The first sign that Ronald is a vampire is that he always sits around children. Think. At most McDonald’s, there are benches with Ronald McDonald models on them. In order to lure in children, Ronald makes Happy Meals with toys to drag them in. When the child sits on the bench, Ronald spies on them through secret cameras he has in the model’s eyes to see if they are plump and juicy enough. If they are, he secretly abducts the child and drinks his/her blood till they are drained. If they aren’t, he allows his fellow mascots (the hamburgular, purple ooze guy and the duck) to have them. He prefers the blood of children as it is more fresh.

Secondly, he encourages more children to come at McDonald’s so he can have more blood. That is why you are allowed to celebrate your birthday party at McDonald’s. I actually celebrated my birthday at McDonald’s so I know. When the child is celebrating his/her birthday party Ronald makes them go through a series of tests such as testing their speed and how fast they can run (playing Musical Chairs), seeing how they react when supernatural things happen (holding magic shows) and seeing how they handle weapons (telling them to hit a piñata). After the children have completed the tests, he evaluates them and the child with the lowest reflexes gets abducted.

Thirdly, his physical appearance. His lips are always red. He drinks so much blood it has become permanent on him. His skin is chalk white. He sparkles. And he is the spitting image of Edward Cullen. This is all the more proof he is a vampire. He also has red eyes. According to the anime Seraph Of The End all vampires have red eyes.
Ronald’s plan is to drink so much blood he can become the most powerful vampire ever and enslave all humankind. Even as we speak he is empowering himself. We must stop him. *Grabs Black Demon Cursed Gear Garlic*


What about Gordon? - Martinglez

I'll make a post about that - TwilightKitsune

I WAS RIGHT! Finally, someone exposed that oaf for what he is! - DCfnaf

Yes! Tie him to the stakes and burn him! - TwilightKitsune

I disagree with this. Ronald simply likes children. - Therandom

DO YOU NOT SEE THE TRUTH? - TwilightKitsune

Ronald isn't a vampire. - Therandom

He REALLY likes children if ya know what I'm saying... - DCfnaf

I do - TwilightKitsune

I know he does. - Therandom

How about we say Ronald's a pedo if he likes children so much. - TeamRocket747

No wonder I feel drowsy today. I got a Sausage McMuffin - Ultron123

DUN DUN DUN DUN - TwilightKitsune

I was scared of Ronald McDonald when I was little. - visitor

Me too - TwilightKitsune

No he's not. He's a pedopire. He's a vampire and a pedophile. - Skullkid755

And a chef too, so he's a chedopire - TwilightKitsune

I mean, this makes no sense, but it was discovered in the process of listening to Zedd, so it must be true. - ProPanda

Yes - TwilightKitsune

Creepy one - Neonco31

It is the truth - TwilightKitsune

But still creepy - Neonco31

It's too late. As of last year, he has unleashed his army of killer vampire clown abominations into the world. You've probably seen them all over the news. IT 'S THE END OF THE WORLD! - visitor

AHHH! - TwilightKitsune

I'll get the garlic - MLPFan

Hurry - TwilightKitsune

I think he's a children inspector - visitor

Kinda - TwilightKitsune

Summary: Ronald Mcdonald is a pedophile and wants to suck children's blood. - TristGamer

That perfectly sums up Ferid Balthory from Seraph of the end - TwilightKitsune

I think one of the Mcdonald mascot is a ghoul. - PurpleFox

Like a Tokyo Ghoul ghoul? - TwilightKitsune

No, he's Pennywise's long lost brother. - Cyri

He feasted on children's flesh too. - BorisRule