Top 10 Worst Things About the 2022 Pinocchio Disney Remake

The live action remake of Disney's Pinocchio not surprising was down right terrible while not the worst live action Disney movie its still pretty awful and for this top ten will be counting down the picks for the worst things about the Disney live action remake of Pinocchio.
The Top Ten
1 It Misses the Point of the Original
2 Pinocchio is a Gary Stu
3 Pleasure Island No Longer a Place of Degeneracy
4 Tom Hanks as Geppetto

Tom Hanks gives possibly his most phoned in performance that I've ever seen and its clear that he's just doing it for the paycheck and couldn't be bothered to give a decent performance.

Tom Hanks AND the director (Robert Zemeckis) have both been in WAY better movies before. Both were in Forrest Gump, because Zemeckis was also the director of Forrest Gump.

5 Pointless New Characters

I think the new girl and her puppet would be better off in their own movie. Sofia the Seagull is also a rip-off of Scuttle from The Little Mermaid.

The movie features two new characters to the movie and both of them are just pointless and takes a lot of focus away from the main story but perhaps the worst of them is Sofia the Seagal who is just annoying.

6 Pinocchio Does Not Become a Real Boy
7 The Pinocchio Inspecting Horse Poop Scene

I wish I was joking but there is a literal scene in the movie where Pinocchio is inspecting actual horse poop which is another pointless scene that does not to be in the movie and perfectly sums up this whole movie in a nutshell.

8 Terrible CGI

The CGI in this movie is downright awful and looks really out of place like Cleo, Jimminy Cricket and Lampwick's transformation.

9 The Monstro Scene is Rushed
10 The Blue Fairy, Honest John, and Gideon are All Underused
The Contenders
11 The Coachman Doesn't Get His Comeuppance

Even though they arrest Stromboli, they don't do this to The Coachman. Yet they SHOULD have.

12 Jiminy Cricket is Useless for Most of the Movie

He doesn't willingly decide to be Pinocchio's conscience until he realizes that he didn't have anything better to do. The original was willing to be there for Pinocchio from the start. But not this one.

13 The Scary Scenes are Deleted

They don't show The Coachman meeting up with Honest John and Gideon, nor the kids who can still talk being thrown in the pen.

14 The Product Placement Wall Scene

This scene has clocks that are based on other Disney movie characters. Simba and Rafiki, Woody and Bullseye, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Dumbo, and Maleficent are the characters. Notice how NONE of those movies came before the 1940 Pinocchio except Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. But the story itself (the original story I mean) was like 100 years before Disney existed.

15 The Blue Fairy is Incompetent, Stupid, and Has Tentacles Now
16 It Assassinates the Original Characters
17 The Jokes Suck and Ruin Actually Funny Jokes from the Original
18 "Little Wooden Head" and "Give a Little Whistle" are Both Eliminated
19 There are Terrible and Pointless New Songs
20 Stromboli is Arrested, but Not the Coachman
21 Everything in the Movie Happens in Just One Day
22 Jiminy Doesn't Get a Gold Badge at the End
23 The Antagonists are Worse Than Their Original Animated Counterparts
24 The Kids Who Go to Pleasure Island Don't Get Rescued

This is the ONE THING that they SHOULD have changed. And they did not. What a wasted opportunity. In a GOOD Pinocchio remake, this could have happened and given at least ONE THING to make a movie better than the original. I'm disappointed with the waste of opportunity because this was practically the ONLY actual flaw of the original. At least Lady and the Tramp 2019 showed Peg and Bull being adopted, which I've always wished happened in the original. But the same can be said for this, the captured animals in The Rescuers Down Under, and The Little Girl Squirrel from The Sword in the Stone. This is more proof Disney is not taking advantage of their opportunities.

25 It's Boring

For some reason, it did not bore me. I do not know why. But even if it did, that would be the least of its problems (for me at least).

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