Top 10 Mr. Garrison Quotes from South Park

The Top Ten

1 "So there you go; you're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having buttsex with a fish-squirrel! CONGRATULATIONS!"
3 "It was as if she was surrounded by an entire redwood forest of penises."
4 "My favorite thing besides teaching? POONTANG!"
5 "Merry F***ing Christmas"
6 "Let's get some trucks, and some queers, and have us a good-old-fashioned FAG DRAG!"
8 "A ladder to heaven? That's f***ing stupid."
9 "Okay, now let's try and get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard! ANYONE?"

The Contenders

11 "Yeah, POUND my monkey hole! Yeah, I'm a MONKEY all right!"
13 "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."
14 "Eric, did you just say the F-word?!"

I like that one - BoyGenius234

15 "Oh, GEEEEEZE!"
16 "I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die!"
17 "Children, I'm going to tell you something that you may find, well, a little strange...I'm gay!"
19 "What about the fact that if I believe in this crap, you're gonna go to HELL? Doesn't that bother you a little?"
20 "Well well well! Guess we learned something new about YOU, Jimbo, you freakin' FAG! You wanna MAKE OUT or something?"
21 "No, no, Filmore, you can say I HAVE TO POOP AND SH*T, or OH SH*T I HAVE TO POOP, but not I HAVE TO SH*T; are we clear?"
22 "I'm a womanizer sometimes, I know, but I just think that bringing a woman home and getting some hot poon is about the greatest thing in the world!"
23 "Well no, actually, I wasn't in the Vietnam War...but I often like to pretend I was!"
24 "This girl's staying a woman! WHO WANTS TO POUND MY V*G?!"
25 "And then we scissored all night lawng!"
26 "I'm giving you this, Hillary Clinton, I am GIVING you this!"
27 "And then you've just gotta check to see which way the condom folds out, then put it in your mouth, then..."
28 "HUH?! You're not my payniss!"
29 "THERE goes my penis! COME ON, CATCH IT, CATCH IT!"
30 "Oh, you will, believe me, YOU WILLLLLL- (ahem) you will!"
31 "In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do!"
32 "Cartman, did you just take a CRAP on my deyesk?"
33 "Mr. Hat is gonna smack you bitches UP!"
34 "We have a lot to learn today! We sure DO, Mister Hayat!"
35 "I can't wait to take leave so that I can get me some f***ing poontang!"
36 "Everyone sit down and SHUT THE F*** UP!"
37 "Stop scissoring me with your EYES!"
38 "What? Why did you just pan the camera over to me? What the hell's THAT supposed to mean?"
40 "In the beginning we were all fish, okay? Swimming around in the water."
41 "And then one day, a couple of fish had a RETARD baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live!"
42 "So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its...mutant FISH hayands...and it had buttsex with a squirrel or something and made this."
43 "Retard FROG-Squirrel, and then THAT had a retard baby which was a...monkey-FISH-frog..."
44 "And then THIS monkey-fish-frog had buttsex with THAT monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey, and THAT MADE YOU!"
45 "I CARE about my students! I will not fill their heads with LIES!"
46 "Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster too, bubblehead?"
47 "But Dick, you told me the world would be a better place without religion!"
48 "I mean, I stuck a gerbil up your ass and they wanna give me a goddamned MEDAL!"
49 "Yeah, THAT'S right, cash tucker, have fun with your two-million-dollar HOUSE!"
50 "God is going to kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum!"
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