Top 10 Mr. Garrison Quotes from South Park

The Top Ten

1 "So there you go; you're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having buttsex with a fish-squirrel! CONGRATULATIONS!"

2 "SCISSOR ME TIMBERS!"

3 "It was as if she was surrounded by an entire redwood forest of penises."

4 "My favorite thing besides teaching? POONTANG!"

5 "Merry F***ing Christmas"

6 "Let's get some trucks, and some queers, and have us a good-old-fashioned FAG DRAG!"

7 "YOU DIE! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!"

8 "A ladder to heaven? That's f***ing stupid."

9 "Okay, now let's try and get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard! ANYONE?"

10 "F*** THEM ALL TO DEATH!"

The Contenders

11 "Eric, did you just say the F-word?!"

I like that one

12 "Uh-oh, RETARD ALERT, RETARD ALERT!"

13 "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

14 "Oh, GEEEEEZE!"

15 "Yeah, POUND my monkey hole! Yeah, I'm a MONKEY all right!"

16 "THIS! IS! LESBOS!"

17 "And then we scissored all night lawng!"

18 "I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die!"

19 "Children, I'm going to tell you something that you may find, well, a little strange...I'm gay!"

20 "What about the fact that if I believe in this crap, you're gonna go to HELL? Doesn't that bother you a little?"

21 "Well well well! Guess we learned something new about YOU, Jimbo, you freakin' FAG! You wanna MAKE OUT or something?"

22 "No, no, Filmore, you can say I HAVE TO POOP AND SH*T, or OH SH*T I HAVE TO POOP, but not I HAVE TO SH*T; are we clear?"

23 "I'm a womanizer sometimes, I know, but I just think that bringing a woman home and getting some hot poon is about the greatest thing in the world!"

24 "Well no, actually, I wasn't in the Vietnam War...but I often like to pretend I was!"

25 "This girl's staying a woman! WHO WANTS TO POUND MY V*G?!"

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