Top 10 Music Jokes

Metal_Treasure

The Top Ten

1 What concert costs 45 cents? A: 50 cent featuring Nickelback

When you pay 50 cents and they give you a nickel back, it costs 45 cents because a nickel = 5 cents. - Metal_Treasure

That's a little too expensive for those too - EliHbk

This is actually really good! - lovefrombadlands

wow lol - B0S5J4M3S

2 What's the difference between a rap musician and god? A: God doesn't think he's a rap musician.

Yesterday I made 2 lists - about drummer jokes and music genres jokes -, and I realized that there's no list about all types of music jokes (about everything music-related). So I made it. - Metal_Treasure

Nice - B0S5J4M3S

3 Why is the French horn the most divine music instrument? A: Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out Why is the French horn the most divine music instrument? A: Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out
4 What is music? A: Sounds arranged by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor and ignored by the audience
5 What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? A: Autotuna
6 What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion.

Literal humor is always the best lol - cjWriter1997

7 Chemistry test: Name 4 heavy metals and their symbols. A: Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, Anthrax Chemistry test: Name 4 heavy metals and their symbols. A: Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, Anthrax
8 Master Card or Visa? A: Master! Master! Master Card or Visa? A: Master! Master!

A reference to Metallica's Master of Puppets. "Obey your Master! Master! " - Metal_Treasure

9 What do you call a beautiful woman on a musician's arm? A: A tattoo.
10 How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

The Contenders

11 Adele: Hello... it's me. Dave Mustaine: Hello me... it's me again! Adele: Hello... it's me. Dave Mustaine: Hello me... it's me again!

A reference to Megadeth's song Sweating Bullets that has similar lines - "Hello me, it's me again" - Metal_Treasure

12 What's a music interval? A: How long it takes to find the right note
13 Dave Mustaine's Valentine: I love you more than I hate Obama Dave Mustaine's Valentine: I love you more than I hate Obama
14 A child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
15 Did you know the Irish invented the bagpipes as a joke? A: The Scotts haven't got it yet.
16 What do you call someone who builds Airplanes? A: Aerosmith
17 What do you call Ozzy Osbourne if he was Australian? A: Aussie Osbourne
18 What happens if you play blues music backwards? A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
19 What do you get if you cross country music with rap? A: Crap.
20 What's the difference between a tenor and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
21 What do you call a successful musician? A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.
22 A-minor and D-minor walk into a bar. "Sorry," the barman said. "We don't serve minors."
23 What's the definition of an optimist? A: A metal musician with a mortgage.
24 How can you tell when a rap musician is really stupid? A: When the other rap musicians notice.
25 Why do hummingbirds hum? A: Because they forgot the lyrics!
26 What's the difference between a diva and a piranha? A: The lipstick.
27 How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics? A: The center of the universe shifts with every step they take.
28 What is Abraham Lincoln’s favorite band? Lincoln Park!
29 What's the definition of a gentleman? A: One who knows how to play the sax but doesn't.
30 What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common? A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.
31 What's the difference between a viola and a cello? A: A cello burns longer.
32 What do you get when you cross a music critic with a bowling ball? A: A bowling ball that wouldn't know a good performance if it heard one.
33 Why are harps like elderly parents? A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
34 Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.
35 What's the difference between a black metal musician and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers.
36 Why are music jokes so short? A: So musicians can understand them.
37 How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen? A: Leave it in a banjo case.
38 Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor? A: He was feeling a Lil Weezy
39 How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof
40 What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed
41 What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? A: Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces
42 What's the difference between a violinist and an accountant? A: The accountant knows he is boring.
43 What do you say to a musician with a steady job? A: I’ll have two Big Macs and fries, please!
44 What rock group has four guys who can't sing? A: Mount Rushmore.
45 Why Didn't the Guy Go to the Grindcore Show? A: Because he didn't want to Drive 30 Minutes for 10 Minutes of Music
46 What happens if you listen to a Death song 1 million times? A: It becomes a Megadeth song.
47 Robin: Metallica or Megade... Batman: SLAYER!
48 Katy Perry: And you're gonna hear me roar! Chuck Schuldiner: That's cute
49 What if Iron Maiden was set up by teachers to secretly teach people literature and history? What if Iron Maiden was set up by teachers to secretly teach people literature and history?
50 Slayer bus stop. Next stop...South of Heaven. Slayer bus stop. Next stop...South of Heaven.
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Top Remixes

1. What's the difference between a rap musician and god? A: God doesn't think he's a rap musician.
2. What concert costs 45 cents? A: 50 cent featuring Nickelback
3. Why is the French horn the most divine music instrument? A: Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out
Metal_Treasure

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