1 What concert costs 45 cents? A: 50 cent featuring Nickelback
When you pay 50 cents and they give you a nickel back, it costs 45 cents because a nickel = 5 cents. - Metal_Treasure
That's a little too expensive for those too - EliHbk
This is actually really good!
2 What's the difference between a rap musician and god? A: God doesn't think he's a rap musician.
Yesterday I made 2 lists - about drummer jokes and music genres jokes -, and I realized that there's no list about all types of music jokes (about everything music-related). So I made it. - Metal_Treasure
3 What do you call a beautiful woman on a musician's arm? A: A tattoo.
4 What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion.
Literal humor is always the best lol - cjWriter1997
5 Why is the French horn the most divine music instrument? A: Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out
6 What is music? A: Sounds arranged by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor and ignored by the audience
7 A child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
8 How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics? A: The center of the universe shifts with every step they take.
9 What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? A: Autotuna
10 What do you say to a musician with a steady job? A: I’ll have two Big Macs and fries, please!
11 What happens if you play blues music backwards? A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
12 How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. She just holds on and the world revolves around her.
13 What's the difference between a viola and a cello? A: A cello burns longer.
14 Why are harps like elderly parents? A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
You know what I just realized? This joke also works for upright bass! - Gg2000
15 What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? A: Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces
16 Chemistry test: Name 4 heavy metals and their symbols. A: Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, Anthrax
17 What's a music interval? A: How long it takes to find the right note
18 Master Card or Visa? A: Master! Master!
A reference to Metallica's Master of Puppets. "Obey your Master! Master! " - Metal_Treasure
19 What do you call a successful musician? A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.
20 Did you know the Irish invented the bagpipes as a joke? A: The Scotts haven't got it yet.
21 Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.
22 Why are music jokes so short? A: So musicians can understand them.
23 Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor? A: He was feeling a Lil Weezy
24 What rock group has four guys who can't sing? A: Mount Rushmore.
25 What do you call someone who builds Airplanes? A: Aerosmith
26 What do you call Ozzy Osbourne if he was Australian? A: Aussie Osbourne
27 Dave Mustaine's Valentine: I love you more than I hate Obama
28 What do you get if you cross country music with rap? A: Crap.
29 What's the difference between a tenor and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
30 A-minor and D-minor walk into a bar. "Sorry," the barman said. "We don't serve minors."
31 What's the definition of an optimist? A: A metal musician with a mortgage.
32 How can you tell when a rap musician is really stupid? A: When the other rap musicians notice.
33 Why do hummingbirds hum? A: Because they forgot the lyrics!
34 What's the difference between a diva and a piranha? A: The lipstick.
35 What is Abraham Lincoln’s favorite band? Lincoln Park!
36 What's the definition of a gentleman? A: One who knows how to play the sax but doesn't.
37 What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common? A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.
38 What do you get when you cross a music critic with a bowling ball? A: A bowling ball that wouldn't know a good performance if it heard one.
39 What's the difference between a black metal musician and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers.
40 How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen? A: Leave it in a banjo case.
41 How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof
42 What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed
43 What's the difference between a violinist and an accountant? A: The accountant knows he is boring.
44 Why Didn't the Guy Go to the Grindcore Show? A: Because he didn't want to Drive 30 Minutes for 10 Minutes of Music
45 What happens if you listen to a Death song 1 million times? A: It becomes a Megadeth song.
46 Adele: Hello... it's me. Dave Mustaine: Hello me... it's me again!
A reference to Megadeth's song Sweating Bullets that has similar lines - "Hello me, it's me again" - Metal_Treasure
47 Robin: Metallica or Megade... Batman: SLAYER!
48 Katy Perry: And you're gonna hear me roar! Chuck Schuldiner: That's cute
49 What if Iron Maiden was set up by teachers to secretly teach people literature and history?
50 Slayer bus stop. Next stop...South of Heaven.