1 I'd be a comedian but I'd only get laughed at!
Do I see your eyeballs rolling back into their sockets, hmm? - Britgirl
Cookie bad word
2 Relationships are like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
3 Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably s**t
4 Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
5 Not to get technical but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
6 Justin Bieber's new album is coming out, as is any man who buys it.
I just love this one. What male owns up to buying a Justin Bieber album? Except you of course! Haha! - Britgirl
7 I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
If I ever DID get round to walking that dog, it would be somewhat awkward if it didn't come when called.
Adore this list, Britgirl. - PositronWildhawk
8 I've just read that smoking is bad for you, so I've given up...reading.
9 They say that nothing rhymes with orange...lies! Nothing and orange do not rhyme at all!
This is more true than funny but it's my list and I wanted to add it - Britgirl
10 The police want to interview me. strange, I never applied for a job here.
11 Sleeping with insomnia is like making pancakes; you toss on one side and then the other.
Hahaahaha this is Funny - Curti2594
12 My brother wanted to know the train times so he looked online. That was the last I saw of him.
My bro would be much more daring than myself. But then, he's quite thick. - PositronWildhawk
13 I can just watch my family if I want to see The Clash. I can just call one of them a ninny.
14 I've just come back from the holiday of a lifetime. Never again.
15 Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
16 My dad was a professional wrestler. He never really hit me.
17 The Teletubbies were filmed at a specific angle for the Po Side On Adventure.
18 What do you mean that song was the piss? It peaked at a number one!
19 Clay statues are often the center of attention; they tend to be pottered around.
20 Short people; they always understand.
21 What Do You Call a Cow That Just Had a Calf? De-Calf-inated
22 Hillary Clinton is an F. I would say the rest, but I deleted the "emale."
This is hilarious. - Britgirl