Top Ten Pretentious Titles for Ordinary Jobs

Britgirl

The Top Ten

1 Transparent Wall Visual Integrity Engineer ~ (Window Cleaner)

Sounds pretty exciting! - TwilightKitsune

2 Customer Relations and Finance Co-ordinator ~ (Checkout Operator)
3 Produce Management Coordinator ~ (Shelf Stacker)
4 Tabloid Distribution Executive ~ (Paperboy/girl)
5 Leakage Technician ~ (Plumber)

Thought that was a urologist:).

6 Sanitation Inspector ~ (Cleaner)
7 Egress Facilitator ~ (Bouncer)
8 Distribution Coordinator ~ (Delivery Driver)
9 Recycling Operative ~ (Bin Man)
10 Domestic Engineer ~ (Housewife/Husband)

The Contenders

11 Mop Operator ~ (Cleaner)

Haha, "Mop Operator" brilliant. - Britgirl

More like 'Moperator'! - Wolftail

12 Door Coordinator ~ (Doorman)
13 Over-The-Shoulder Boulder-Holder Moulder ~ (Bra Fitter)

ATTENTION: want an exciting opportunity to get to grips with well-rounded women? We are currently seeking Boulder Holder Molders to make clients feel uplifted and well cared for. Some previous hands-on experience required but not essential. Applicants just need to be keen, enthusiastic and keep abreast and have a hand in ladies' lingerie. Guaranteed job satisfaction! Interested applicants should apply post haste to: Norma Stitts and Bits. Late appointments available to prevent coming early. - Britgirl

@Britgirl Goddamnit I've been laughing like a screeching parrot for ten minutes now and it's currently midnight where I live

14 Entrance Facilitator ~ (Doorkeeper)
15 Treasurer ~ (Cashier)
16 Writer ~ (Pen Pusher)

I've been called a "Pen Pusher" a lot but it's an inaccurate description, since I'm right-handed. I'm more of a Pen Puller :P - Britgirl

17 Surplus Currency Adjuster ~ (Panhandler)
18 Caloric Reclamation Officer ~ (Dumpster Diver)
19 Advocate for the Existentially Challenged ~ (Social Worker)
20 Avian Couturier ~ (Chicken Plucker)
21 Endocrinal Regulation Technician ~ (Hooker)

I couldn't help but laugh yesterday evening when in a taxi, we stopped for red lights outside a run-down building with rows of bikes outside. Two scantily-clad females who looked a little worse-for- wear stepped outside and lit up a cigarette. Nothing funny about this...yet. What made me laugh was the sign above the door: Used Bikes For Sale. Is this the new, arrest-avoiding terminology for "Brothel"? I couldn't help but laugh. - Britgirl

ENDOCRINAL REGULATION TECHNICIAN URGENTLY REQUIRED: Some previous experience required, although not essential. Successful applicant must be sociable and willing to meet new people, leading to build up a regular clientele, and you must be flexible with this demanding but often exciting position. Hours to suit. Uniform provided when required. Excellent commission. Interested applicants should apply to: Lacey Nickers, Pros R Us, Ladies Lane for imminent start. - Britgirl

22 Permanent Residence Construction Engineer ~ (Grave Digger)
23 Mobility Facilitator ~ (Car Thief)

MOBILITY FACILITATOR REQUIRED: The successful applicant must lack human decency and a conscience. No previous experience necessary as full training given. Flexible hours to suit. Wages in cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. Guaranteed job satisfaction. Anyone interested in this position should apply to Robin Carrs, care of Her Majesty's Prison, Idiotsville. Post haste. - Britgirl

24 Recreational Intermediary ~ (Pimp)
25 Presidential Portrait Artist ~ (Counterfeiter)
26 Prophet ~ (Preacher/Pastor)

I am Joseph Smith and you will call me a prophet.

27 Ambassador to God ~ (Pastor/Preacher)
28 Emergency Dietitian ~ (Drug Dealer)
29 Healer of Mankind ~ (Nurse)
30 Senior Executive Location Manager ~ (Car Park Attendant)

I had to add this. I nearly sliced through the tip of my finger while dead-heading my roses when I heard my neighbour say that this was the title of his "profession" to someone he was talking to on the phone. I don't think I'll be able to look him in the eye without laughing ever again. - Britgirl

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List Stats

30 listings
1 year, 285 days old

Top Remixes

1. Transparent Wall Visual Integrity Engineer ~ (Window Cleaner)
2. Customer Relations and Finance Co-ordinator ~ (Checkout Operator)
3. Produce Management Coordinator ~ (Shelf Stacker)
Britgirl

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