Top Ten Best Stan Pines Quotes from Gravity Falls

If you are a Gravity Falls fan, you have to agree that Grunkle Stan has some funny and interesting quotes. Pick your favorite!

The Top Ten

1 "When there's no cops around, anything's legal!"

This is gonna be my senior quote

One of the best moments in girlfriend

I remember when he said this.

Best quote ever

2 "Hey, wanna hear a joke? Okay, here goes. My ex-wife still misses me...but her aim is gettin' better!"

I love this one so much

I say this all the time

How is this not #1

So far, the funniest quote I ever heard from Grunkle Stan.

3 "Sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing... Good thing I'm an uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE ME!!!"

Stan in a Nutshell

I loved this quote so much this should really be number 1, stan pines is literally more than just a gruncle


This is what I’ll say when I’m an uncle

4 "Remember folks, we put the 'fun' in 'No Refunds!'"

this should be #1


5 "You know studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own 10 guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder!"

I love this entire list! Proud to say I recognized every quote =)

I can relate to this.



6 "For tonight's final illusion, we have the incredible Sack of Mystery. When you put your money in it, it mysteriously disappears!"

I remember this one... It's hysterical!

7 "Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-Vac: it sucks more than anything!"
8 "What? No! My crime is a lot better than that. I'm gonna get that seat and be ready at the morning when Gideon comes. And maybe I'll destroy some pool supplies. Night's still young."
9 "Finally! A good reason to punch a teenager in the face!"

Stan sure does like punching people...

...and triangles


10 Yes, yes! Burn the child.

Out of context this is horrifying. With context this is horrifying. This is genius.

The best quote ever


The Contenders

11 Can I have my hands back? I have a gesture I'd like to share with you.

I love this scene! LOL

Honestly mood


12 Not so fast, kids! There is no way you're setting off those dangerous, illegal fireworks…without me!
13 "AH! Hot Belgium Waffles! Wait... I'm alone. I can swear for real! SON OF A--"

Every parent in a nutshell

14 "Waiter, give me a glass of the strongest, most expired apple cider you've got."

It's jokes like these that really get me rolling on the floor... Just so unexpected on a Disney show!

15 Who wants Stan-cakes? They're like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in 'em.
16 Well, I learned nothing.

It's the quote Stan says when they're leaving the hand witch's house

This will be my senior quote

Isn't that a dipper quote?

Me, leaving school for the summer

17 You're a real wise guy but you made one fatal mistake, you messed with my family!

Ya go get bill!

18 Sometimes, I think. Is this all there is? Is life just some kind of horrific joke without a punch line? That we're all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet, release of death?

I was shocked this one wasn’t already on the list! Good thing I put it up...


19 Kids! I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!
20 "The author of the journals. My brother!"

When they showed this scene, I screamed until the next episode came out.

I flipping died on the inside when I heard this! I had so many theories who the author could be, but I would never have expected this! Does Gideon know?!

God damn it Stan!

21 "Mabel, look into my eyes! Do you really think I'm a bad guy?"

It's so sad I don't think he's a bad guy


22 Sometimes a man has to steal an animatronic raccoon to stay in this crazy game called life.
23 You think that you got problems Stanford, I have a mullet
24 Darn beautiful men...Always...Always eating outta my trash...Wait, what???


25 That's right, I'm a jerk!
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