1 "When there's no cops around, anything's legal!"
I remember when he said this.
I mean, he's not wrong.
Best quote ever
It's true though
2 "Hey, wanna hear a joke? Okay, here goes. My ex-wife still misses me...but her aim is gettin' better!"
You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible.
I love this one so much
I say this all the time
How is this not #1
3 "Sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing... Good thing I'm an uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE ME!!!"
I loved this quote so much this should really be number 1, stan pines is literally more than just a gruncle
4 "You know studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own 10 guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder!"
Seriously there are a crap ton more stab quotes. Like how he said he would educate kids in the stanchurian candidate.
"Put then on an island and make them fight for dominance! Also teach kids swears. That'll introduce them to the real world! "
I can relate to this.
5 "Remember folks, we put the 'fun' in 'No Refunds!'"
6 "For tonight's final illusion, we have the incredible Sack of Mystery. When you put your money in it, it mysteriously disappears!"
I remember this one... It's hysterical!
7 "Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-Vac: it sucks more than anything!"
8 "What? No! My crime is a lot better than that. I'm gonna get that seat and be ready at the morning when Gideon comes. And maybe I'll destroy some pool supplies. Night's still young."
9 "Finally! A good reason to punch a teenager in the face!"
Stan sure does like punching people...
Well I always wanted one
10 Yes, yes! Burn the child.
Out of context this is horrifying. With context this is horrifying. This is genius.
The best quote ever
The Contenders
11 Not so fast, kids! There is no way you're setting off those dangerous, illegal fireworks…without me!
12 Can I have my hands back? I have a gesture I'd like to share with you.
13 "AH! Hot Belgium Waffles! Wait... I'm alone. I can swear for real! SON OF A--"
This should honestly be number one. The first time I watched this episode, I didn't notice this line, but then when I did, I literally died of laughter. This is an automatic number one on my list!
Oh yes, one of my favorite quotes of Gravity Falls.
That's him alright
14 Who wants Stan-cakes? They're like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in 'em.
15 "Waiter, give me a glass of the strongest, most expired apple cider you've got."
It's jokes like these that really get me rolling on the floor... Just so unexpected on a Disney show!
16 Well, I learned nothing.
It's the quote Stan says when they're leaving the hand witch's house
17 You're a real wise guy but you made one fatal mistake, you messed with my family!
Ya go get bill!
18 Sometimes, I think. Is this all there is? Is life just some kind of horrific joke without a punch line? That we're all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet, release of death?
I was shocked this one wasn't already on the list! Good thing I put it up...
19 Darn beautiful men...Always...Always eating outta my trash...Wait, what???
20 "The author of the journals. My brother!"
I flipping died on the inside when I heard this! I had so many theories who the author could be, but I would never have expected this! Does Gideon know?!
When they showed this scene, I screamed until the next episode came out.
God damn it Stan!
21 Sometimes a man has to steal an animatronic raccoon to stay in this crazy game called life.
22 Kids! I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!
23 "Mabel, look into my eyes! Do you really think I'm a bad guy?"
24 You think that you got problems Stanford, I have a mullet
25 Soos, would it be wrong to punch a child?