Top Ten Random Things That Could Happen

The Top Ten

Little girls bite a black female tourist thinking that she's chocolate

My friend did this when she was 4, and she has deeply regretted that day ever since.

I am not racist. This is a true story I heard from a friend who went to China and this friend was a black woman

This sounds a bit racist... But... It might not be.

This reminds me of a movie where a little boy got turned into a living human chocolate.

Teenagers throw dynamite at an elderly woman

That's horrible

No, respect elders you lil bratz.

Never said they were lit

Based on Jimmy Hopkins

An old man beats a goat with a shovel

I'm pretty sure you can do this in goat simulator, but the goat does it

But why? What did the goat ever do to you?

I do this with my wife

Wonderful. Spousal abuse is such a beautiful thing. (I'm being sarcastic. That's horrible! What did she do to deserve that?)

No, that problems very big in Africa.

A turnip asks you on a date

Oh yes, Johnston. He was a short stubby brown haired green eyed turnip. He was so ugly and obnoxious, he asked me out, and I said no because he is my friend's ex, and that is awkward, but he started crying, so I cooked him and ate him with my salad.

You never know, maybe it's someone named turnip asking you on a date!

You want mustard on those?

That's happened before. Only I turned her down.

Someone get shot in the testicles

OUCH. "Man had to go to hospital to operate on his testicles after he got shot by police" Hope that never happens to me or someone else. TOUCH WOOD>

Imagine seeing that on the news: "A police officer shot a fleeing criminal in the testicles this morning."

It happened to someone in Brooklyn Nine Nine, except it was the butt, not the testicles so this didn't happen to someone in Brooklyn Nine Nine

I did this to someone in Fortnite.

You see a married couple stabbing each other in a park

There are probably more chances of seeing a married couple consuming their marriage in a park.

I would try to break it up (and avoid serious injury), and make my companion call 911.

Oh no, not again!

What's so unusual about this

A monkey assaults you

Some months ago I went to a dispensary, Saw an elderly couple sitting on the seats in front of me ; The man's entire right calf was swollen, Told that he was bitten by an monkey..had 15 injections still it suppurated, the calf was yellowish though covered with medicinal dressing and crepe bandages.
Doctor said he needed 2 operations as well
Overall the man looked really fit and healthy (as well as his wife) Hope he's better now.

This has happened many times with chimpanzees. Google "chimpanzee attack" but be forewarned the pictures are pretty gruesome.

That's most likely Justin Bieber. He cheats on women and we don't really know if he assaults women. We may not know...

Didn't that actually happen a few years ago? Monkeys supposedly are very vicious...

A pineapple attacks you while you're watering your spaghetti garden on the ceiling.

If this happen to you, it means, you need to take your medicine before it goes worst.

Oh yeah. Sharon, a nice pineapple, attacked me while I was watering my spaghetti garden. I honestly don't know why she did it so I put her in time out!

It happened to me last week. I'm still in the hospital. I'll post an update if things change.

This isn't random, it happens to me all the time

You're forced to dig a hole for a bathroom

If you miss then you gotta kick the turd into the hole

Out of the hole, into the hole, that's what I always say

My mom told me that Asian immigrants to the US actually did this in the 70s...

Poor Chinese people

You get sentenced to death for failing a history exam

No fair! At least I'm an average person on history...oof...lets not fail if that was a rule!

Haha jokes on you, I am actually good at history. The real issue here is physics.

I failed history exam because I stole Hitler's shoe, which is the reason why I'm about to get killed.

Here's a fun fact: This list was originally titled Top Ten Random Things That Could Happen in China.

The Contenders

You found a small rock.

When I was in 2nd-4th grade I think I found a fossil on my elementary school playground?

Pioneers used to drive these for miles!

Wow! I feel so accomplished right now

Oh boy how exciting lol

You brother shows up and steals your wallet

He stole my wallet as a joke and with it my opal pass. My embarrassing mum had to drop me off!

What if there is no money in it?

This is why I'm not getting a wallet for a while.

I relate

Hitler Steals Your Nutella

If this happened to me I would buy more Nutella, poison it, and wait for Hitler to return.

NO! NOT THE NUTELLA!

How am I going to live now?!

Hitler owes me Nutella then.

Not again...

Your head falls off without anyone beheading you

It’s actually really common. Just needs a screwdriver to screw It back on

You get run over by a giant banana

Courage the cowardly dog I think...

Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Me: I SHALL EAT YOU - THAT IS MY REVENGEEEEEE

Get thrown into the sun by G Hannelius

That will never happen. - Gehenna

Who what when where why

A llama named Carl stabs you 37 times in the chest

This almost happened to me. My friend and I were taking a walk but then a llama said, "My name is Carl.", and held up his knife! I ran as fast as I could, and hid behind a dumpster. When I got out, Carl was arrested and there was a ketchup stain where my friend was. I haven't seen him in 3 days. I hope he's alright.

Is this supposed to be a reference to Jimmy Neutron?

Lol llamas with hats!

Wow, that is my least favourite thing to do

Windows 10 is a virus which blows up your computer

Internet Explorer did it

I'm on Windows 10!

I’m lucky I’m on an iPhone 8s right now

But I do have Windows 10 on my computer...

A purple urn smashes through your biodome and crushes your photos of your deceased piano while you are swimming in your meatball pool next to your house made of jell-o

What is an urn

What? Gah not this again!

What?

My piano boi...

Get eaten by the girl that play Trish on Austin and Ally

That's really mean. She's a beautiful, talented actress.

Supporting cannibalism is just so wrong though

AH NO

Man Of Steel Eats Your Heart

My nan shanks you in you bathroom when your eating a dog

One word: Cannibalism

How

Your crush actually likes you

I remember the time I told my friend I liked her for the last 2 years (I left the 2 years part out though) and she banished me to the shadow realm.

I would be the happiest man alive if this happened.

Yeah this is going to be fun

Hot Asian women begin to surround you with big smiles

Oh my! My friend comes from India... by the way, he's a boy... hopefully this doesn't go opposite!

WOW...that would be awkward.

I would probably have an anxiety attack

You have no idea how much times that has happened to me.

Dead memes come back to life

This is what I pray for! I love tired memes!

Let the dead memes rise!

Meant waluigi not wal...

Here comes Dat Boi

Be famous

Um, I'm already famous. Not to brag. But I've been on T.V., radio and in 8 newspapers across the country. And don't worry, people. I'm not an ass like Justin Bieber.

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