Top Ten Reasons TheTopTens User Turkeyasylum Needs a New Laundry Hamper

My hamper is crippled, without any character, and bland... Please donate to the Turkeyasylum Needs A New Laundry Hamper Foundation so I don't have to buy... Because I'm promptly too lazy!
The items in this list have been selected by the author of the list for you to vote and comment on.
The Top Ten
1 My old laundry hamper is contaminated with clothing

I want a hamper without clothing... Stat!

2 A cat stole my alternate laundry hamper

Anyone guess which cat that was?

Hey look at the bright side, at least I replaced your clothes with my drugs. And yes, I called the cops on you.

What a horror committed by Delgia2k!

I may have a hunch of who that cat is...

3 My imaginary girlfriend won't let me buy a laundry hamper

If I DO buy a laundry hamper, she'll start dropping kittens off the Golden Gate Bridge next to all the people about to committ suicide.

Since when did you have an imaginary girlfriend?

4 If I buy my own laundry hamper, my parents will think I'm capable of keeping myself afloat

I'm an unemployed 14 year old boy. Yeah, I can TOTALLY keep myself afloat.

5 I'm saving up for eleven blocks of Communist cheese and a green ankle bracelet for puppies

Yes, they do make both of those. I plan to put the ankle bracelet for puppies on one of the blocks of Communist cheese and give the other ten to PositronWildhawk so he can discard them in a proper way (And no, that's not eating them). Then, I'll use the one with the ankle bracelet for puppies as a doll and give it to the first six year old girl I see at the playground (yes, they HAVE to be six). So why squander your own money on a laundry hamper when you can buy something as useful as eleven blocks of Communist cheese and an ankle bracelet for puppies?

Those come with the basket, Turkey!

Wait what Commie Cheese?!
Does it have Lenin's face on it

6 North Korean military soldiers will kidnap my stuffed aardvark if I do buy a laundry hamper

By the way, I actually do have a stuffed aardvark. I'm not lying there.

You Have astuffed aardvark? For real? Ok, good. Now it can embarrass you! Haha. Just kidding.

7 This list will donate a hefty amount of money to you if you buy me a laundry hamper and deliver it to my house personally

If you don't deliver it by hand, this list may revoke the offer.

8 I can't trade for a laundry hamper because acquiring something as precious as a laundry hamper would make me give away my bed

And I don't feel like buying croutons and sleeping on them...

Thanks for reading!

9 A laundry hamper is more of a necessity than running water

And my crazy imaginary girlfriend still doesn't want me to buy one.

10 I cannot simply go to any store and buy a laundry hamper

Even if I was able to buy a laundry hamper, I'd have to FIND one first...