Album Review: Peach Panther

WonkeyDude98
Mini-Description: In my sixteenth album review, RiFF RAFF sits on butter and makes one of the worst albums I've heard in 2016 so far.

Best Song: "I Drive By" ft. Gucci Mane and Danny Brown
Worst Song: "I Don't Like To Think" ft. Problem, "Syrup Sippin' Assassin", "4 Million", "Mercedez" ft. G-Eazy and J-Doe, "Betcha Didn't Know" ft. Lil Durk, "Only In America", "Carlos Slim", "Chris Paul", "All I Ever Wanted" ft. Dollabillgates, "Shoutout To The Bay" ft. King Chip

0/10


I have actually no idea why RiFF RAFF is famous.

I can understand why many rappers are famous. Young Thug is because he's eccentric and weird (also because Wyclef Jean is a genuinely great song), Future is because he's nihilistic, Lil B and 2 Chainz are because they're over-the-top and weird. Lil Jon and T-Pain are because they can howl with unmatched energy. Rae Sremmurd are because they're so self-unawarely awful that it's actually fascinating how one can muster little enough brain cells to make the music they make.

But RiFF RAFF is nothing. If I'm judging him objectively, I've always hated his voice, and his flow and rhymes are never above mediocre (though aren't ever afraid to dip below it). And if I'm judging him as a party rapper, he might have a somewhat potent tone, but his beats never reflect it in the way that most crunk does. And if I'm judging him as a comedian, again, 2 Chainz is way funnier than this guy. Even most conscious/non-joke rappers have better structured bars that are funnier than RiFF RAFF. Eminem, The Lonely Island, Run The Jewels, Epic Rap Battles, Snoop Dogg and even Doomtree and Dr. Dre can make songs that outmatch RiFF RAFF even in the humor aspect. And if he's trying to be over-the-top and taken seriously, again, Lil B, and even without that comparison, RiFF RAFF has always struck me as either 1. almost being mundane, or 2. so awkward in his presentation of his over-the-topness that it looks lame, making Charlie Puth look like NWA..

So why am I talking about Peach Panther? You tell me, but I am. Is it at least better than Neon Icon, whose not-even-worst-single Tip Toe Wing In My Jawwdinz was one of my least favorite songs of 2014 period?

Well...no. Not at all, in fact this is much, much worse. Which is weird, because in most aspects it's the same. But the oh so little details that get changed make it all the infinitely worse.

Remember when I talked about how I hated RiFF RAFF's voice? Well, I wasn't kidding. His flamboyant, nasal accented vocal tone gets grating really fast, and whatever cute little inflections he throws in there make it all the worse. He seems to be going out of his way to be as obnoxious as possible, and the fact that he throws in echoing backing vocals whenever he needs to fill up the rest of a bar with facedesking surely helps matters. And somehow, he's annoying while also sounding really amateur. He sounds like he just looked up a bunch of Macklemore freestyles (no offense to him, I like the guy but if he's trying to be a bars-and-flow kinda guy he fails always) and also checked out a "rap" handbook from the library, and decided to rap.

Oh yeah, and did I tell you he tries to sing on this album? Because he does. Not song-rap, no, SING. And he does it three times on this album. With him being at his "best" on the more timid and sheepish Chris Paul, where he kind of sounds like if Post Malone forgot how to enunciate. But then we have All I Ever Wanted, where he warbles like a half-step off of key, it sounds like he's trying to be 2013 Eminem, but Eminem actually knew how to make his performance sound nuanced and actually have substance?

It's easily at its worst on the closer Betcha Didn't Know, where he tries to ride on the trend of autotuned crooning that people like Chris Brown and Future tried to create, but I'd go as far as to say that RiFF RAFF is worse than either in the vein, because he has arguably an even worse layering of autotune than either, and because of that I can't make out anything he's saying, and the syrupy nature of it all makes it just grating.

And the guest verses certainly aren't helping matters. They really don't add anything at all, they're mostly just bored, which is the worst possible thing to be on a RiFf RAFF album. King Chip, Dollabill Gates, and Lil Durk are almost painfully nonpresences on their respective songs, grating ones at that. But the ones that "stood out" the most for me are G-Eazy --who delivers the most boring verse I've heard this year on Mercedez, and he has no place on a RiFF RAFF album--, Gucci Mane --whose nasal vocal tone completely kills what could have been a pretty good song in I Drive By --, and Danny Brown, who delivers the best verse on this album on I Drive By. Danny Brown is honestly the best thing on this whole album, for at least having some personality that isn't ridiculously cringeworthy.

the lyrics on this album are weird

What is RiFF RAFF trying to say with this album? This is some of the most artless rambling I've ever heard in hip-hop. There's exactly two consistent themes throughout this album. One of those is RAFF's newfound love for codeine, which is literally the only thing he says in the descendingly exhausting Syrup Sippin' Assassin, which has only one lyric, and it's how he's drinking so much codeine he's going to fall asleep. So...cool? And it's not just that, All I Ever Wanted literally says that all he ever wanted was his syrup and sprite. Laughably pathetic.

The other theme is trying to be as over-the-top and ridiculous as RiFF RAFF can possibly pull off, but....there's almost nothing that stands out here. And when it does it's not for the right reason. Mostly it's just addressing and giving attention to his haters, and how he only made four million dollars in 2015, and how he only likes drinking and smoking, and how he raises his kids to be professional Snapchatters.

But, two lines made me laugh, but not even in the good way: and those are on Mercedez and I Drive By. The first one had me rolling the first time...because RiFF RAFF says that he used to play sports until he got fat and lazy. IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SOMETHING YOU BRAG ABOUT? And on the latter song, he talks about sitting on butter, which I'm inclined to take literally.

But any humor this album has is completely killed by the production, and I'll be honest: I've heard less musically cohesive albums in my life (I mean Neon Icon was the sloppiest thing ever), but I don't think I've heard an album that musically fails on premise alone as this one does. Almost every single song on this album falls into the exact same mold: chilly, icy minor keys and groan-worthily bog-standard preset-taken trap snares. Carlos Slim, Only In America, Chris Paul, All I Ever Wanted, it never ever once gets interesting.

But to be fair, there are some moments of variety on this album, and I didn't completely hate everything here. I did really hate the shameless DJ Mustard ripoff that was Shoutout To The Bay, but it at least had some kind of energy and kick to it that the rest of the album didn't. And while the announcer for the first minute of it is extremely annoying, I kinda enjoyed the horns that split and contort back together on the title track freestyle. And hey, I also liked the better mixing on the pianos on I Drive By, probably the best song here.

But then we have 4 Million, which mainly coasts off a generic trap beat and this horrendous muddy bobbling four-note synth line that sounds ugly and grating the second it starts. It's not catchy enough to justify the fact that it's incredibly irritating, but it's not forgettable enough to not be able to get out of your head as soon as you hear it, which means you're stuck with the torturous gooey loop for the rest of the day. It's the worst song here...or at least it would have been if it wasn't for (also Syrup Sippin' Assassin but that's irrelevant) I Don't Like To Think. Forget the fact that Problem's chorus might just be the most redundant ever obnoxious thing ever -- don't like to think? We can tell. --, no, this song decides to rely on a dark, broken music box riff making for one of the most needlessly unsettling melodies I've ever heard. Just...:

I guess that butter RiFF RAFF sat on went straight up his anus and into his brain, because this is one of the worst albums I've ever heard, screw of 2016. Be thankful Rae Sremmurd are a thing, RiFF, because this is an easy 0/10 and no way I can possibly recommend this, even to the most deluded of RiFF RAFF fans.

Well that was tedious. This is WonkeyDude98, and as the only evil left, it would pay to be a good album.

Comments

Another great review, hate Riff Raff with a passion. 2nd worst album I've heard this year, try to guess #1 (not RS) - ProPanda

WHAT?!

I'm gonna guess Thank You, because it had Me Too and NO on it. - WonkeyDude98

Actually, no - ProPanda

IceJJFish released an album this year. Take the hint - ProPanda

WELP. - WonkeyDude98

Basically for me:
1. What Time Is It- Ice JJ Fish
2. Peach Panter: Riff Raff
3/4. Thank You- Meghan Trainor (The best song on these are 2/5s)
3/4. SremmLife2- Rae Sremmurd
5. Nine Track Mind- Charlie Puth - ProPanda

It's not What Time Is It, it's What Time It Is. - RalphBob

I just mentioned it because the title is so stupid. - RalphBob

He's senile, isn't he? - SwagFlicks

? - WonkeyDude98

Remember our pms on this? - SwagFlicks

Oh lol - WonkeyDude98

P