Top 10 Ronald Reagan Jokes

I want you to know also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit for political purposes my opponent's youth and inexperience.

Funniest one

You know there is a ten year delay in the Soviet Union for the delivery of an automobile. And only one out of seven families in the Soviet Union own automobiles. There is a 10 year wait, and you go through quite a process when you are ready to by, and then you put up the money in advance.
This man laid down the money, and the fellow in charge said to him: Come back in 10 years and get your car.
The man answered: Morning or afternoon?
And the fellow behind the counter said: Ten years from now, what difference does it make?
And he said: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.

President Washington began this tradition in 1790 after reminding the Nation that the destiny of self-government and the "preservation of the sacred fire of liberty" is "finally staked on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people." For our friends in the press, who place a high premium on accuracy, let me say: I did not actually hear George Washington say that.

One of the most damaging lies of our era is the falsehood that people must give up freedom to enjoy economic progress, which makes me think of a story - everything makes me think of a story - about three dogs: an American dog, and a Polish dog and a Russian dog.
And they were all having a visit, and the American dog was telling them about how things were in this country. He said, 'You know, you bark and if you have to, you bark long enough and then somebody comes along and gives you some meat.' And the Polish dog said, 'What's meat? ' and the Russian dog says, 'What's bark? ''

And as he tells it, the farmer's eyes lit up, and then he said, 'Wait'til I get my wife. We've never seen a Republican before.' And a few minutes later he was back with his wife, and they asked Prentiss if he wouldn't give them a speech.” “Well, he looked around for a kind of a podium, something to stand on,” he continued, "and then the only thing available was a pile of that stuff that the late Mrs. Truman said it had taken her 35 years to get Harry to call 'fertilizer.' So, he stepped up on that and made his speech.
“And apparently he won them over. And they told him it was the first time they'd ever heard a Republican. And he says, 'That's okay. That's the first time I've ever given a speech front a Democratic platform.'”

''He told me the story about the two fellows in the Soviet Union who were walking down the street, and the one of them says, 'Have we really achieved full Communism? Is this it? Is this now full Communism? ' And the other one said, 'Oh, hell, no, things are going to get a lot worse.''

You know, I received an invitation that said, "Please come to Ellis Island July 4th for the hundredth birthday celebration of an American institution." Somebody goofed. My birthday isn't until February. And it really won't be my hundredth, although I've been around for a while. I can remember when a hot story broke and the reporters would run in yelling, "Stop the chisels! "

Howard Baker told me on the steps of the Capitol at the time of the inaugural that I will be with you through thick. I said what about thin. He said welcome to Washington.

A recession is when a neighbor loses his job, a depression is when you lose yours. And recovery starts when Jimmy Carter loses his.