A Sarcastic Overview Of P.E.

The education system is an important aspect of modern society. Without it, we’d have no future in anyone’s careers. We’d have no scientists, no politicians, no police, nothing. But as the children of the world are forked over to the world’s teachers by their by-now-stressed-out parents for the first time, it is imperative that each child becomes a success in their own right. So every individual subject is brought to their attention before they follow a path. So, in this post, I’ve taken the liberty of describing the importance, the quintessence, the pure value of PE: Personal Excruciation.

What we see here is a 4 year old student who is preparing for the hour of the day to remember for life. Having just recalled Einstein’s mathematical proof that energy can be derived from mass, something that no typical 4 year old needs, his teachers move him on to his first PE lesson. It starts with placing the boys and girls in separate drab rooms, each with clothing racks and showers; the students are ready to establish the differences. The teachers respect the privacy of the students irrespective of bodily maintenances, and so, lock them in. This shows how each gender will cope in these aspects of life in the not-too-distant future. I would say that this is a refined approach, for both sides of the story. The boys, without rules, will ditch the school uniforms for their own primitive instincts, may learn to hunt for meat, and may pledge their duties to the Lord of the Flies. They’ll come out as a primitive civilisation in their own right. The girls, as they prepare for what comes up next, may lose all sense of discomfort, and may one day, thrive in a similar routine for a typical rapper's music video. For getting money to talentless musicians who just want to be heard, everyone wins.

After five minutes, the teachers unlock and open the doors to each room. Not everyone’s fully prepared yet, but it’s fine. Changing is a long process. Some might say that early notifications from the staff like this will enhance their memories, particularly of powerful experiences. The children are then taken into a large hall, ready for instructions, no, commands. A man the size of an airbus enters the room, and pushes every kid into a line. So what now? Stand to attention, I guess. If it can be done with kids in the most poor and corrupt of countries, where getting order around is lucky, it can be done here. So let’s do something productive. How about we run in a circle for ten minutes, as that takes as much focus and outside knowledge as it does to walk here, only instead of cars to run you down, there are larger kids. It may be less productive than drawing abstract artwork in their English textbooks, but it’s a lot easier, and the school allows it, and I’m sure this will serve as a reminder of something that you often need to hire travel safety firms and buy public signs to show you, for a fraction of the price, and as this will be applied to many other situations in life, will be perfect for theoretical testing, maybe even critical thinking. But this philosophy does not develop in a student’s mind over time, oh no, so the education system might as well continue this into high school diplomacy, to emphasise the fact that athleticism dwarfs so-called intellectual skills that are preached in other subjects.

The children are now either enjoying this or not, it’s their perspective. It’s good to know who enjoys it. These are the children who are celebrated for running the fastest, jumping the highest, and most notably, being able to whack the blood and sweat out of everyone else until they lose all of the moisture from their bodies; be it bare-knuckle, with a tennis racquet, or with a rugby ball, without remorse! The smaller, weaker, inferior children are either still running, being laughed and pointed at as they hilariously try to jump a hurdle and landing on it with their cocks scraping the surface, or are collapsed in a corner with broken spectacles and blood-coated faces. Without this survival strategy and high class slapstick comedy, we wouldn’t have our greatly developed modern society, in which only the most able of us are celebrated. That’s why we halt many a resource in favour of this very refined procedure, brainstormed by a truly Freudian figure. And it’s worthwhile to know that in only this way can we accomplish new things at the rate that we do. So we’ll let every child compete for their dignities here, and see if the smaller ones are smart and strong enough to find their own hospital, shall we? Money aside, this is perfect.

Let’s observe for a moment how this system works for the older students. What we see is a more intense warm-up, with some jogging on the spot, showing to the world that white shorts that drop when you breathe in are AWESOME!!!!!!!! Others contemplate, as they have the state of mind to do so every week, over how this has changed them over the years; from learning how to deal with eye-sized holes in changing room doors, to learning how to deal with footballs and spiked boots penetrating their backsides. The students begin with a theoretical test. “What position is best for start-up?” Is this for working a North Korean missile or for fixing a laptop? Whatever it is, the instructor just assumes that it makes sense to them, and they pass. I’m sure that this transfer of information is some form of quantum interaction. By use of the most advanced of the sciences, the teachers may just sit back in their deckchairs and dribble mucus from their sub onto their pornography magazines while their minds are entangled with those of the students, at least on one state of the wave function.

We’ll see what happens when the going gets physical, as suggested by the name of the course. We see how the knowledge of the students has so far developed; the truly strong are thriving only. The kids who got beaten to a pulp before must have felt like they should drop out by now. But only the great athletes here, it would appear, deserve to be cherished. Those children know as much science as a mouse knows how to operate a fruit blender, but that matters not, as they are clearly doing well, without questioning. As for those who may be able to successfully unite quantum gravity someday, they do well in those mainstream subjects, but they’re slacking here, and they’re screwing up their future somewhat! Kick that nerd back into line and make him suffer!

And now, after the staff vehemently tutor each student to force an A onto their grades, and intensely inspect every stretch and every dodge, they throw them into the showers and leave them to their apparent comfort zones. They give each other further exercise, as they slap each other with towels and catch the athlete that stole their clothes, and further unforgettable experiences, as, before they’re ready, they are shoved by blind fate into the sight of the girl/guy that they fancy. Giggles, red faces and a powerful figure in the mind are certain to follow from this. It’s a life skill that is taught here without needing a teacher.

So this subject is clearly useful and sophisticated. It teaches a skill that we use in everyday life, from knowing how to run really fast to being able to survive in a Stone Age hellhole that they are certain to encounter someday. With this knowledge on their hands, they can become revolutionary for the world in their own way, perhaps to change the lives and worlds of others for the better. For myself, it puts me in mind of what life would be like as an elderly toothless lion, with no hope in catching its own zebra, and simply relying on the other lions to throw some meat into the crevasse for him. A simple life in which survival dictates how life is lived for all people either directly or indirectly affected. And I’m sure that those who convey this education are very happy with the activity they encourage, the money they get with ease, and the influences it writes into their natural instincts. Who doesn’t love little kids, right?

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