Top Ten Satirical Amazing Things About Jacob Sartorius

Jacob Sartorius. That name inspires awe in almost anyone on planet, and if it doesn’t, damn you evil. Today on the 4th of July I will be counting down the top ten things about our lord and savior, JACOB SARTORIUS!

Note: Despite popular belief, JakeNasty92 is not a Jacob Sartorius fanboy. This is pure satire.
The Top Ten
1 His Legendary Musical.lys

Does anyone else find it funny that some people on this list don't know what "satirical" means?

This list is hilarious

He doesn't make a fool out of himself at all!

Lol dis for real?

2 His Heavenly Singing Voice

What the hell are you talking about?! Jacob Sartorius's ears can make the ears of most people (in the universe) bleed big time! Bart Baker was so right. Jacob Sartorius should stick to Musical.ly! Justin Bieber still sounds quite horrible when he sings, but not as much as in 2008-2011. >:(

After Sweatshirt, people finally realized how good of a singer JS is. He signed a deal with RCA records, and will real ease his highly hyped debut album, T.R.U Story. #1 album of the year.

I know. He can't make anyone's ears bleed.

3 Breaking Off Ties with Mark Thomas

Mark Thomas is bad for Jacob. Thomas sent him in a downward spiral which ended with our hero in Mark-Rehab. Once recovered, Jacob and Mark had a highly publicized fight, which ended their relationship. Jacob’s music has never been better, and Mark hasn’t had a hit single since Selfie.

4 His Fashion Sense

I know, a sweatshirt is worth singing about.

Sweatshirts are such a beautiful trend

5 His Rap Skills

This kid’s flow is amazing. I once saw him rap battle Eminem, and he destroyed him. This is fake, but I wish I could see Jacob roast somebody with the ABCs.

6 His Ultra-Modesty
7 His Hair

His hair is nice and everyone that says it is not you guys are just mad because he can get his hair done and you can't.

8 Getting Famous for Being Untalented

You damn right son

9 The ABCs Rap
10 His Song Sweatshirt

Before I heard this song I was depressed and lonely, but then I heard it and I suddenly got this strange feeling so I drank bleach to make it all go away.

This is a statement to how amazing Jacob is. Sweatshirt is possibly the greatest song ever, and it’s all the way down at #9. JS is awesomeness.

The Contenders
11 He is a Reincarnation of Jesus Christ

@NoOneLikesYou no need to take it seriously my friend. @jakeNasty was clearly just trolling of course seriously who really likes jacob sartorius's music?

This kid. He is just the kindest, most talented person ever. Remind you of anyone?

Jesus Christ is gonna strike yo ass with a blot

12 He's Evil

And that is good how?

13 His Beauty

NO! WHY DOES EVERYONE ACT LIKE JACOB SARTORIUS LOOKS GREAT EVEN THOUGH HE IS ONE OF THE WORST-LOOKING PEOPLE OF ALL TIME?!

14 His love for fat sweaty fans

He has none at all! Do you even like fat, sweaty fans?! If so, I hate you forever.

15 How Educated He Is

He finished kindergarten! So brilliant and educated.

Please, the only thing he does is stupid videos.

16 His Awesome Eyebrows
17 His music videos look like they're from live-action Disney shows
18 Maybe He is Actually Easy to Talk to at Times
19 His Ears
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