Top Ten Satirical Amazing Things About Jacob Sartorius

JakeNasty92
Jacob Sartorius. That name inspires awe in almost anyone on planet, and if it doesn’t, damn you evil. Today on the 4th of July I will be counting down the top ten things about our lord and savior, JACOB SARTORIUS!

Note: Despite popular belief, JakeNasty92 is not a Jacob Sartorius fanboy. This is pure satire.

The Top Ten

1 His Legendary Musical.lys

Does anyone else find it funny that some people on this list don't know what "satirical" means? - RalphBob

This list is hilarious - XtremeNerdz12

He doesn't make a fool out of himself at all!

Lol dis for real? - aeco

V 1 Comment
2 His Heavenly Singing Voice

I know. He can't make anyone's ears bleed.

After Sweatshirt, people finally realized how good of a singer JS is. He signed a deal with RCA records, and will real ease his highly hyped debut album, T.R.U Story. #1 album of the year. - JakeNasty92

What the hell are you talking about?! Jacob Sartorius's ears can make the ears of most people (in the universe) bleed big time! Bart Baker was so right. Jacob Sartorius should stick to Musical.ly! Justin Bieber still sounds quite horrible when he sings, but not as much as in 2008-2011. >:(

3 Breaking Off Ties with Mark Thomas

Okay, so you were joking after all. I thought so. :D

Mark Thomas is bad for Jacob. Thomas sent him in a downward spiral which ended with our hero in Mark-Rehab. Once recovered, Jacob and Mark had a highly publicized fight, which ended their relationship. Jacob’s music has never been better, and Mark hasn’t had a hit single since Selfie. - JakeNasty92

HOW DARE YOU PRAISE JACOB SARTORIUS'S MUSIC! AND HOW COULD YOU GET 2 THUMBS UP FOR SAYING THAT JACOB SARTORIUS IS GOOD AND MUCH BETTER THAN MARK THOMAS?! I HATE YOU, JAKENASTY92! >:(

4 His Fashion Sense

I know, a sweatshirt is worth singing about.

OK, some of you may think I’ve already talked about this already, but not really. If you watch Jacob’s musical.lys, his clothes are m’fing AMAZING. Never seen anything that is better. - JakeNasty92

5 His Rap Skills

This kid’s flow is amazing. I once saw him rap battle Eminem, and he destroyed him. This is fake, but I wish I could see Jacob roast somebody with the ABCs. - JakeNasty92

Hello kid. Go to hospital to see the doctor checking what the hell is wrong with your brain - NoOneLikesYou

6 His Ultra-Modesty

Which makes him a prudish brat. >:(

This kid could probably buy 100 pairs of Cam Newton’s Versace pants. But whenever you see him, he’s in a T-shirt and sweatpants. That’s modesty, folks. - JakeNasty92

7 His Hair

A couple of days ago, I went to the barbershop and said ‘’ Give me the Jacob Sartorius. ‘’ I’ve never looked more amazing, and it’s not a quarter as good as Jacob’s ‘do. - JakeNasty92

8 Getting Famous for Being Untalented V 2 Comments
9 The ABCs Rap

Look this up. One of the beautiful things you’ll ever see in you lifetime. - JakeNasty92

10 His Song Sweatshirt

Before I heard this song I was depressed and lonely, but then I heard it and I suddenly got this strange feeling so I drank bleach to make it all go away. - XtremeNerdz12

It's simply so awesome.Too Awesome.

This is a statement to how amazing Jacob is. Sweatshirt is possibly the greatest song ever, and it’s all the way down at #9. JS is awesomeness. - JakeNasty92

Are you drunk? Looks like you are having some hearing problems. What a sore loser - NoOneLikesYou

The Contenders

11 He is a Reincarnation of Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ is gonna strike yo ass with a blot

@NoOneLikesYou no need to take it seriously my friend. @jakeNasty was clearly just trolling of course seriously who really likes jacob sartorius's music?

This kid. He is just the kindest, most talented person ever. Remind you of anyone? - JakeNasty92

Gosh, Can you stop commenting the dumbest comments as ever, please? It is obvious that you love Jacob Sartorius more than your parents that means you are one of the biggest idiotic kid ever - NoOneLikesYou

12 He's Evil

And that is good how?

13 His Beauty

NO! WHY DOES EVERYONE ACT LIKE JACOB SARTORIUS LOOKS GREAT EVEN THOUGH HE IS ONE OF THE WORST-LOOKING PEOPLE OF ALL TIME?!

14 His love for fat sweaty fans

He has none at all! Do you even like fat, sweaty fans?! If so, I hate you forever.

15 How Educated He Is

Please, the only thing he does is stupid videos.

16 His Awesome Eyebrows
17 His music videos look like they're from live-action Disney shows
18 Maybe He is Actually Easy to Talk to at Times
19 His Ears
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List StatsUpdated 16 Oct 2017

19 listings
1 year, 104 days old

Top Remixes

1. His Legendary Musical.lys
2. His Heavenly Singing Voice
3. Breaking Off Ties with Mark Thomas
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