Top Ten Signs You are a People PleaserBeing a nice person seems like a good virtue to practice - as it is generally accepted by society, but when it comes to the habit of helping others with the expense of your own self - whether it's seeking validation from other people means playing the "nice" trait all wrong. Pleasing others can seem beneficial to yourself and others at first glance; people put an effort to do as many kind deeds as possible in order to finally receive praise for others - which can instead only damage them and their relationships in the long term. For many, it's a bad habit that is difficult to break. At times, your body will thank you if you balance the care between looking after people, and looking after yourself. This list will help you spot some of the general signs you should look after.
If you consistently do nice deeds on other people, they will raise their expectations up on you - expecting to always consistently help whether there is a problem in the situation. In workplaces, such nice people often tend to receive extra work, which mostly does not come with additional benefits to the person who is mostly doing the kind acts. People that put higher expectations on you - especially when you always presented yourself as a helpful person, will most likely break the relationship between you if you do not agree to help them, even with a good reason.
People have very high expectations just because of my smarts and hard work. I wouldn't say I've "people pleased" to get to that point. I just acted as myself.
Believe it or not... I'm in fourth grade...and I read on a 10th grade level. So my parents want me to read stuff like Heroes of the Olypmus ( Which I like) and Willy Wonka's ( Which wasn't even hard) When I like stuff like Dogman, Captain Underpants, and GWR! - Stakamakataka
True. I always try and please everyone I know.
This is a major sign of low self-confidence which speaks for itself here - mostly due to being concerned about other peoples thoughts about them in fear that conflict would happen between the relationships. It's common for people pleasers (with the belief that it's selfish for themselves to reject other people's offers) to get along with the wrong people, which can lead to unstable relationships later on. For instance, if a group of people (assuming you are in acquaintances with them) wants you to be a part on their party on a place consisting with other people you find uncomfortable with, but proceed anyway with them in fear that people will end their relationships with you/shame you or despite you need to focus on more important priorities, then it is a good sign that you need to self-reflect yourself rather than blindly getting along with other people. Trying to get along with people you find uncomfortable with - is basically asking for abuse.
Being nice is considered a good trait among society, but many people tend to utilize themselves by using these kinds of people pleasers. Sure you may do good deeds, but when it comes to expecting things back, that's almost never going to happen. In the workforce, some people habitually tend to put extra work as a kind act - which can overtime be received more work and favors from needy people, only to find out they are getting the same benefits as ordinary workers; this can lead to mental frustration in the long term.
Me in 8th grade. Sigh.
People pleasers usually tend to be yes-men in fear that they would be shamed or judged by other people if they do not accept their offer. If in the case someone requests you for help in whatever situation, which for some reason pressures you into not wanting to help that person, it's probably best to listen to your gut instead. This can for some people, be a hard obstacle to overcome, but your body will thank you for it. Determining whether it's better to say yes or no is always a good virtue to practice depending on the situation, rather than blindly saying "yes" to it no matter how uncomfortable it is.
No is like my catchphrase.
The habit of sugercoating your opinions in order to make it agreeable as possible prevents you to develop as a unique person. There's no shame on sharing your genuine opinions despite seemingly contrary to other people's opinions. People will more likely to see you as an honest person that way.
Oh I have no problem with sharing my opinions.
I'm not afraid to share my own opinions.
Oh I have no problem with that.
A self-explanatory sign - which describes the term "people pleaser". If you have been helping people often - whether it's for genuinely helping or trying to seek approval from others, it's probably the best time to go look after yourself and have some "me" time yourself. It's best to set some boundaries for yourself rather than always looking after the concerns of other people. Ditching your self-interests and hobbies for the sake of "helping others" is not the best method for maintaining stable relationships - as pleasers often tend to feel regret later if something wrong happens. Remember that self-care is always a good priority.
You can be an agreeable person, but not in a fake manner in order to achieve satisfaction from other people's opinions. Sometimes you may agree to other people's ideas no matter how your gut tells you how disagreeable it is - that's being dishonest. If you do happen to find yourself in that situation, it's always better to show genuine disagreement rather than fake-agreeing it just for the sake of pleasing others.
People pleasers often seek appraisal - as they quickly grow concerned of what other people think of them - so they present themselves as a helpful person (in a superficial manner) always ready to do kind deeds whether they get the chance in order to get the person to appreciate them. It's normal to help people once in a while, but constantly helping others in order to get the image as a kind one to other people, isn't the best way to put it. Remember that you will not always satisfy other people's expectations no matter how "nice" you are - that's not how the world works.
Gifting stuff to a person is fine if done occasionally - once in a while, but if you do give away things to multiple people on almost a weekly or even a daily basis, then most people you have interacted are likely to grow needy which thus can lead to unstable relationships - if you happen to decline giving away things in the future.
Imagine just giving things away for no reason.
It's normal to feel sorry when in the case an accident happens which is caused by you or you accidentally bump someone else shoulder while in public. But, if you do find yourself frequently saying sorry even when the accident is not caused by you, then it's a sign you are taking a step a little to far.
Well this is just politeness.