1 It starts talking dirty to you while you sleep
I would shave my beard but there's a slight problem, I don't have one - Martinglez
Weaver birds fly you to Mozambique.
2 Your own family looks at you like there's a giant, aggressive raccoon on your face
Sounds creepy. - Userguy44
A yak follows you around with a bouquet of roses.
3 You start losing your own children inside it
4 Your dog is ready to go to town with scraggly beard
5 A prince can climb up a 10 story building with it
Really...? Ohh...I only have a few more inches to grow then... - Britgirl
6 You start to look like an alcoholic Santa Claus
7 It blocks your eyesight and/or the entire sun
Are ya sure those aren't yer eyebrows?
8 You have to pay a topiary artist to keep it in shape
9 It growls when you touch it
This list is hilarious. - Userguy44
10 If you tie-dyed it green, you would blend in with your outside bushes
11 If you have bugs or fleas in it