Billboard Top 20 RANKED: September 13, 2017

WonkeyDude98
I... wasn't planning on making this so early. I was gonna wait another month so this falls in line with every other installment in the series I've made. But no. And there's no false alarm here.

This is the worst top 20 of all time. It has it all. Awful reggae, awful electropop, awful trap, awful funk, awful hip-hop, and oh yeah--

The PYONGYANG Tier (-2/5)

20. "Body Like A Back Road" by Mike Hunt
This is actually the reason I'm making this, because after this week this song will be out of the top 20 unless the radio perpetuates it again for some ungodly reason. Saving the utter destruction of this drudging Category 6 catastrophe for December.

The BLEACH Tier (-1/5)

19. "...Ready For It?" by Ticketmaster Swindle
So... Taylor followed up her worst single to date with a single that's even worse. Please god, this is Taylor trying to be XXXTENTACION. Oh, and Sam Hunt.

18. "Look What You Made Me Do" by TayTay Swizzle
Sorry these are short, but I have some evisceration duty at the end of this year. This wins over "Beat It" by Sean Kingston as the worst comeback single I have EVER heard.

Oh, and the bridge is the worst moment in pop 2017. Easily.

The SCRUB Tier (this is so long oh my god)

17. "Believer" by Imagine Ambassadors
You know, I could go on a whole rant about how this is disappointing, loud, screechy, low-budget, and all-around atrocious -- which I will -- but for now, there's only one word that's necessary to describe this song: PAIN!!!

16. "Feel It Still" by Portugal. The "Man"
Ok, this is something special. I actually hugely dig the rumbling bassline, squonking horns, and swagger-overloaded lyrics. But oh my god, this guy's voice is... there should be a new word for it. I apologize Adam Levine. I apologize Dan Reynolds. I apologize Lil Uzi Vert. I apologize Borgore. Hell, I apologize to Jack Met. This is the worst vocal performance I've heard on any song. When I think this voice, I don't think "vintage, badass rebel", I think... nothing. This performance portrays NOTHING. And that makes me angry like little else does.

15. "1-800-273-8255 " by Lack of Logic ft. You Tried and Angel
I get they wanted to make a suicide anthem that was still pop-friendly, but why would I not listen to "Over" by Kings of Leon (yes this song is that bad) or "Kill Yourself" by Bo Burnham, two songs that cover the topic way better? Why does Logic of all people feel the need to make the song poppy? Why does my brain keep auto-correcting this shoddy beat to the guitar line on "Sweatshirt" by Jacob Sartorius? Why is there not more Khalid here? Screw this.

14. "Shape of You" by Shed Eeran
JUST LET THIS DIE

13. "Attention" by Puthpaste
You know what I'll admit, this bassline kicks ass. But if it wasn't for that this would be the worst Charlie Puth song by far, and that says a lot.

12. "XO TOUR Llif3" by Lil Uzi Vert's Friends
I... don't see the appeal in this. This is the genuine dictionary definition of nonsense. I know what it's about, obviously. But does Uzi? Clearly not considering that even when he's trying to tackle depression, awful relationships, and drug abuse, he still resorts to mindless unenjoyable bragging, lazy production, and one of the worst voices in hip-hop.

11. "Strip That Down" by Liam Pain ft. Quado
"STD" by Liam Pain ft. Quado

FTFY

10. "Wild Thoughts" by WE DA BEST MUSIC ft. Rihannannannanna and Chryson Briller
Wow, this is annoying. Wow, this is lazy. Wow, this is not sexy in the slightest. Wow, this song has a fanbase for some reason. See the issue here? There isn't even anything to say about this.

9. "Bank Account" by 21 Pilots
Oh.

8. "Rake It Up" by YG ft. Nicholas Menage
Rake to the balls, more like. Seriously, this song actively stings to even be around.

7. "Despacito" by Justin Bieber ft. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee
BIIIIEEEEEBEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRR

The BAD Tier

6. "Bodak Yellow" by Kodak Black
This isn't lower because Cardi B actually has some firepower (more than I can say for Yo Gotti or 21 Savage), but this is still just... nothing.

5. "Sorry Not Sorry" by The Worst Former Disney Princess
I've never even heard this song, it's just here because Lord Panda told me to hate it. And now he doesn't either... where does that leave me?

The DECENT Tier

4. "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back" by Illuminati
We've come to the point where less than a quarter of the top 20 is even remotely tolerable. *thumbs up* Thanks America! Over the course of hearing this song on the radio I was gonna bump it to the Good Tier, but then I heard it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

And now I never want to hear it again.

The GOOD Tier

3. "Slow Hands" by Niall Whorin
Ok yeah Niall doesn't have the voice for this, but this is a nice middle ground between chill and catchy that I like a lot.

2. "That's What I Like" by Bruyes Mars
I don't ever want to hear this again.

The GRE --PSYCH!!!

1. "Unforgettable" by Spanish Montana ft. A GUY FROM RAE SREMMURD IS MY #1 WHY
Yep, not even a single song here is in the Great Tier. This is still a really good song don't get me wrong, it has amazing atmosphere and is dark without sacrificing a groove, but it's just not at all special, y'know? And yeah, in any other top 20 this would not stand a chance at even the top 3, but 2017 is that kind of year.

This is as bad as it gets. Besides Brothers Osborne, I cannot even tell you a single good thing about the Hot 100 as a whole right now. So you know what, this gets the ultimate condemnation from me: 13/100. I think that seals it. Once 2017 is done... actually I'll reveal my motive later this year. For now, all you need to know is that this year is worse than 1989, 1990, 2000, 2001, 2004-9, 2010, and 2013-16 combined. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a dump and smell it. It'll probably be a better experience than even giving a quick glance at this chart again. This is WonkeyDude98, signing out.

Comments

I convinced Wonkey to do this by the way.

Here's mine:

https://rateyourmusic.com/list/DCfnaf/billboard-top-20-ranked-september-13-2017/

This is the worst chart I've ever seen, so I practically BEGGED him to do this.

And Wonkey, be sure to whiff some of that scent in my direction. - DCfnaf

BLEACH:

20.) 1-800...
19.) Look What You Made Me Do
18.) Body Like a Back Road

SCRUB:

17.) Ready for It?
16.) Rake It Up
15.) Shape of You
14.) Strip that Down
13.) Believer
12.) Despacito
11.) Wild Thoughts

BAD:

10.) Bodak Yellow
9.) Bank Account

MEH:

8.) Sorry Not Sorry
7.) XO Tour Life
6.) Unforgettable
5.) That's What I Like

DECENT:

4.) Attention
3.) Slow Hands

GOOD:

2.) There's nothing Holding Me Back
1.) Feel It Still

Score: 21/100. Yep, still awful. - NiktheWiz

I apologize Borgore. This is the worst vocal performance I've heard on any song. (Okay, now you're overreacting)

I actually hugely dig the rumbling bassline, squonking horns, and swagger-overloaded lyrics. (So why does the vocal performance alone put this in the crap tier? You adore "Redbone" by Childish Gambino you know.
Not saying I am a huge fan of either song but...)

I've never even heard this song, it's just here because Lord Panda told me to hate it. And now he doesn't either... where does that leave me? (https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=-MsvER1dpjM ; Then listen to it now lol. This is a guilty pleasure for me, if you read my ranking. The entire song is pretty cringeworthy.)

But it's just not at all special, y'know (Kinda ironic how the title is "Unforgettable" lmao)

Oh, and the bridge is the worst moment in pop 2017. Easily. (THANK YOU. "I'm sorry, the Old Taylor can't come to the phone ri-" *Gets shot by me*)

We've come to the point where less than a quarter of the top 20 is even remotely tolerable. *thumbs up* Thanks America! (And they seriously put edgy Taylor in the Top 20 and not Kesha. Screw that)

Yeah, those are all of my comments. - DCfnaf

I'll def. do my own, but the purpose of this is like a little reaction comment.

20- Justified.
19- Justified.
18- Justified (but the bridge is great screw you).
17- Justified.
16- Here's where I have an issue- it's alright to dislike this song. But putting it this low on the ranking and calling it irredeemable because of ONE element, especially when you literally said you liked multiple things about it. Besides, the vocals thing was intentional. If you were walking down the street, and saw a bunch of Alaskan hipsters being a rock band, with the lead just casually pulling a falsetto for the whole song, bragging about how he's a rebel, but just for fun, would you not feel jealous?
15- Fair.
14- Fair.
13- If the bassline kicks ass, then this should be bad tier.
12- Uzi is so stuck up in his mind, trying to move on, covering up his depression with his fame, his cars, other girls, but it's not working so he's resorting to drugs like Xanny to help him get through.There. As for an appeal, that beat has serious rock influences while maintaining a trap vibe. Lyrics are seriously deep. Song is catchy, Uzi has a fantastic voice, flow is solid.
11- kys
10- By this logic, DJ Shadow is the most talentess hack in the industry. Hell, this makes Hendo talent-less.
9- Boring= meh, not worst list material
8- Fair.
7- This song is nowhere near a 0/5 and you know. Seriously, Bieber doesn't make THAT big of a difference.
6- You literally hate this song because someone thought you hated it. Nothing=meh, and technically, it's decent for you, since you think she has talent.
5- You couldn't listen to one song? And you're literally assuming it's bad?
4- I mean, this time you're justified in dropping it down.
3. Fair.
2. eh... fine.
1. A trap song where you actually felt the vibe, I'd say that's special in it's own.




And suddenly, I feel more and more like a dick. - ProPanda

16. I mean I guess, but could this "Alaskan casual falsetto" not sound like it has a bad head cold and AIDS to boot?
13. The bassline would redeem any other Charlie Puth song. But not this one.
12. Song has rock influences? You mean like trap snares, lifeless vocal synth, and some clock ticking at the beginning? Song is so damn incoherent and unlistenable I can't even bring myself to CARE about Uzi's struggle.
10. The thing is, that's plunderphonics. This is a #1 hit pop song. Riding off a sample. Doing nothing with it. A sample from a bad song. And the lyrics and vocals make me want to circumcise anything within running distance.
9. Boring = worst list material, because you need to actively try in order to actually bore me.
6. If a song is nothing, then it accomplishes nothing therefore I don't respect it. I can like one aspect and still call it bad. Hell, Cardi B isn't even that great. She's literally just copying the style of Nicki Minaj.
5. Well it's Demi Lovato, and also O Lord Panda hated it first. - WonkeyDude98

@Wonkey, just giving advice:

16. But that shouldn't be scrub tier material from that one thing.
13. You put Bodak Yellow in the bad tier from one aspect, but this one aspect doesn't affect anything?
12. Fair
10. Fair
9. Ok...fair.
6. "I can like one aspect and still call it bad". You liked three aspects about "Feel It Still" and that ended up in the scrub tier.
5. But Demi is good..."Stone Cold", "Confident", etc. Also, you should've listened to the song beforehand. Takes three minutes to do. - DCfnaf

16-13-6. I think what people don't understand is my rating system isn't cookie-cutter. It isn't linear. It's very, VERY case-by-case.
5. Meh - WonkeyDude98

16. So automatic 0/5 for a bad vocal performance? You didn't even hate the first time around!
13. What makes this one so bad?
12. The song has the structure and melody of an emo ballad from the late 2000s. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard it on a Fall out Boy or My Chemical Romance album.
10. What do you want it to do? It pumps up the sound, gives it punch, puts it on a drum beat and gives it some Rihanna.
9. There's so much that bores you though
6. BUT YOU DON'T HATE IT. GIBBY THOUGHT YOU DID AND YOU WERE LIKE, EH WHATEVER I'LL JUST HATE IT NOW
5. If I don't hate a Demi song, you should no it's not that bad. - ProPanda

16. It was a 1.5 at best at first. And then the vocal performance got worse. Much worse.
13. The lyrics aren't just bland or appropriating, they're actively offensive, whiny, and petulant. Pair that with Charlie Puth's horrible, horrible voice and you have a barely-saved Charlie Puth song.
10. The drums are mediocre, and Rihanna's so damn annoying on it that it makes me want to set everything on fire.
9. Trap rap, Boards of Canada... eh?
6. I hadn't actually heard the song until Void's ranking with Gibs, Bread, and TMR. So really I was just lying about not caring about it. Also it's actually placed pretty high, if this were any other year where my standards weren't rock bottom the song would be unacceptable.
5. I actually listened to it. My opinion has not changed. One of the lamest songs I've heard in a while. - WonkeyDude98

@ProPanda

16. I agree, I think this song rocks.

13. "EWE just WON A TENSION. EWE DON WON MA HARTTT! " Typical whiny male garbage. Also, Charlie's tone is reprehensible.

12. But Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance make it interesting with their vocals, guitars, etc. Lil Uzi Vert sounds like he just decided to come in one day, mumble into the mic, and go off to bed. You're also comparing two rock artists to a rap artist.

10. It doesn't give us Rihanna, it gives us some personality-lacking imposter. She really doesn't seem to be having fun with this one. Also, Bryson Tiller's verse is horrific.

9. But this song really is boring and useless as hell, and this is coming from someone who likes soulful ballads and a good portion of rap. There's no reason for it to exist. Even for the mumble rap on the charts, this song stands out as being the most forgettable (irony).

5. But you used to hate this one...did your opinion change over time? This is a guilty pleasure honestly, but the criticisms for it are 100% valid in that the lyrics are lame AF, the production is obnoxious beyond belief, and Demi does not need autotuned vocals. - DCfnaf

16. No it didn't. Wait a minute, don't you like HandClap? And Andy Grammar?
13. Vocals suck sure, but the lyrics are actually pretty good. They have this bitterness to them, but with a lot of self awareness, similar to say, Makes Me Wonder.
10. But how is it a ripoff? And really, Rihanna sounds like she normally does. The only way you could hate her is if you hate Rih--i don't even wanna finish that thought.
9. I mean, there's a lot of trap. And also, all the pop rock I've ever showed you.
6. Objectively, it's the best song in the top 20. Also, this is the perfect example of the Kodak flow done right.
5. That chorus though. Also, if you ever figure out the song it samples, I think you'll stop saying "lame". - ProPanda

16. How in any way do Fitz and Andy sound anything like this humanoid weasel? Sure HandClap is objectively the worse song, but at least it's GOOD pop fodder. Fitz can at least sing. Andy Grammer at least has some grit and charm behind his voice.
13. It's just petulant and whiny. It reminds me more of the Weeknd song of the same name. It's eons better, but that's not saying much because Attention was one of the worst songs of last year.
10. It's a ripoff because stylistically it does NOTHING with it. It's practically the exact same kind of song, just slightly modernized. And Rihanna... listen to that chorus. Listen to the way the lyrics flow. Tell me that's not the most annoying, wince-worthy thing she's done since BBHMM.
9. When you show me pop rock I don't like, I despise it. I don't get bored by it. Also why are we having such a long conversation arguing about the quality of 21 Savage?
6. You don't even like it that much dude. Also, again, this is only that because of how low the bar is set for this year. If this were released in, say, 2008 or something, it would be one of the worst hits of the year. Cardi B is still an okay MC though.
5. Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth is practically one huge sample, and... yeah. - WonkeyDude98

16. At least this guy has swagger, charisma. Fitz literally sounds dead. I'm also convinced that if this were sung by a girl, you'd have no issue.
13. What's so whiny about it, he does a pretty good job framing the story in my opinion
10. Kanye did nothing with the Daft Punk sample, you love that song. However, Khaled, takes the guitar, puts it against a drum, gives it some punch, and an actual vibe. He brings the energy Santana's song lacked. Obviously, he won't change the melody, then it wouldn't be a sample, nor would it advocate the nostalgia.
6. I mean, it doesn't click with me, but it has all the elements to be "good".
5. That song referenced a lyric. That's not a sample. - ProPanda

16. Maybe because literally any female vocalist would have a voice with at least more body than his.

Sure Fitz is soulless, but he's at least halfway listenable.
13. I don't know, I just get this sense of whiny high school drama, especially when you know who this song might be about.
10. I'm gonna second Mr. 96 here: DJ Khaled sampled a reggaeton-ish sex jam... to make a reggaeton-ish sex jam.

Also, Kanye West had more artistic clout and personality than Khaled ever will.
5. ok then tell me - WonkeyDude98

No Problem by Chance



it's in the beat, if you listen closely - ProPanda

Wow, 2017 was a lot worse than I thought.

20. Body Like A Toad
19. Look What U Made Me Do Taylor
18.
17. Not Ready 4 It
16. Shape of Eww
15. Phone Number by Logic and EJ Khalid.
14. Terrible Song
13. All my friends are dead
12-7: GENERIC
6: Kodak Mellow
5-4: M3H
3. Very Red Bones by Childish Gambino
2. RAE SREMMURD?
1. Versace on the Ceiling

33/100 BOO! K (2016 was 67 and 2015 was 34 makings this one of the worst years for music.) - AlphaQ

"Besides Brothers Osborne, I cannot even tell you a single good thing about the Hot 100 as a whole right now."

AHEM Praying by Kesha AHEM - DCfnaf

Which is flopping. - WonkeyDude98

It's rising ever so slightly each week. And how TF is that flopping and Taylor is doing so well? - DCfnaf

Taylor isn't doing well lol. Look What You Made Me Do is falling quickly on airplay and will likely lose #1 to Cardi B or Logic. Ready For It is flopping hard, falling 17 spots. - ProPanda

@ProPanda I guess Bodak won again st the Phone number. - DankGodX

Yep, this is the worst month for Billboard. 21/100 - AlphaQ

Move That's What I Like to the Meh Tier and move the Bad Tier to the Scrub Tier.

9/100, yee, just flat out yee. - WonkeyDude98

"move the Bad Tier to the Scrub Tier"


dude - ProPanda

Trust me I have my reasons. - WonkeyDude98

Why did your opinion on That’s What I Like change? - DCfnaf

What’s wrong with Believer? - TheReviewer20

The yelling, hurt my ears. Plus this felt pretty bland. - AlphaQ

A d now Feel It Still is in your good tier. I’m guessing at Number 1. Cause it’s at mine. :P - DCfnaf

2017 is offically the worst year for music yet nothing comes close to topping it... - visitor

Lmao this was my worst list too...I even added a Trump Tier (-2/5).

My Score: 29% - DankGodX

More like Talur Sweat 💦 - AlphaQ

MY FAVORITE SONGS:

1-800
Attention
Wild Thoughts
Rake It Up
Bodak Yellow
Sorry Not Sorry
There’s Nothing Holding Me Back
Slow Hands
That’s What I Like - CamilaHavana

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