Album Review no.26 Epic - Blood on the Dance Floor

kempokid
So, I've always heard really bad things about this band, but never bothered listening to them myself. After hearing this album, I can in fact, confirm that what people say about them is true. Epic is the 3rd studio album by US electronica duo Blood on the Dance Floor, released on October 5, 2010. It utilises many different genres, such as crunkcore and electronica to create an unforgettable experience (whether it's a good one is another matter). Just be aware that I'm going into this review without any bias whatsoever, and that my opinions are not influenced by anybody else.

Death to Your Heart:
The first couple of seconds feature a simplistic, yet somewhat pleasant sounding electronic melody, after this couple of seconds, an unbelievable amount of issues begin to surface. The vocalist has one of the most whiny voices I've heard in music, and the amount of autotune used is atrocious to say the least. The melody itself sounds fairly similar to something you'd hear on commercial radio, but the lyrics are both needlessly gratuitous and extremely stupid. Despite the song only going for 3 minutes, it still manages to be extremely repetitive as well.
1/10

Beautiful Surgery:
The opening lines are unbelievably cheesy and set up the song for failure already. Despite the vocals once again being torture to the ears, the beats used in this song, while generic, aren't actually that horrible and sound like standard EDM in many respects. The rapping, while extremely bad, is still much less abysmal than the singing, which once again, happens to be horrific. Nothing about this song reaches the level of offensively bad that Death to Your Heart did, but it's generic at best, and reaches points where it is extremely bad.
3/10

Sugar Rush:
As always, the first couple of seconds sound quite bearable, and then something comes around and ruins it. In this case, it's the absolutely horrendous beat that is needlessly loud and drowns out the vocals. This may be a good thing though, because the vocals are of the same quality as they were in the previous two songs, i.e embarrassingly bad.
1/10

Lose Control:
The lyrics manage to be even less eloquent than before, not to mention absolutely stupid. The chorus in particular is grating, as it combines everything bad about the previous songs, obnoxious beats, bad lyrics, overuse of autotune etc. The fact that the song manages to feel like an hour despite only being 3 minutes long is an achievement in itself as well.
1/10

Candyland:
So, the beat itself isn't all that bad in my opinion, it's slightly catchy and not as hard on the ears as some other songs. This is unfortunately brought down by the worst lyrics yet, not to mention the obnoxious use of the voice modifier to create a second voice that is extremely high. Now, I'm not one to hate songs just because they are sexual in nature, but this song is just on a different level, with such """"poetic"""" lyrics as " I'll f*** her face so hard. She is my wild card" and "I'll split your a** in two". Not only is it gross, but it's also so unbelievably braindead, I just can't fathom how such mindless drivel was able to be released.
1/10

Horrifically Delicious:
The first 20 seconds shows some sort of promise, as it's a much more subdued and restrained when comparing it to other songs. This is ruined once again by the vocals. In all honesty though, up to this point, it is by far the best song on the album, because while it may be whiny and generally annoying, it at least resembles something like a song. The ridiculous amount of vocal effects bring it down a lot though, and the song is still not good by any stretch of the imagination, but I was surprised to hear another song that only made me want to scream, rather than tear my ears off.
3/10

Lookin' hot Dangerous!:
It is around this point where the fatigue begins to fully set in. Unfortunately, nothing about this song makes you change your mind on the matter, as it's another mindnumbingly repetitive song that has next to no redeeming qualities, although it isn't quite as awful as many other songs on here.
2/10

Inject Me Sweetly:
The lyrics once again are gratuitous in terms of what they talk about, as well as just pathetic as always. While the main verses are really bad, the lowest point in the song is where everything goes slightly quieter, and you can repeatedly hear a heavily altered voice sing "inject me sweetly". Considering it sounds offkey despite being that autotuned is unbelievable.
0/10

Sexting:
After an surprising chiptune opening, the song takes the sharpest nosedive yet. The lyrics are quite possibly at their worst here, with me repeatedly wanting to just shout for them to stop existing. The most frustrating thing about this song is that in terms of musical quality, it's probably the least bad one yet, but the lyrics are on the level of bad as Candyland, which really reduces any possible enjoyment I might have found in this song. Also, the chiptune part is an altered version of the Pacman intro, no doubt.
2/10

Lovestruck:
Even when they aren't being extremely obscene in their lyrics, they still manage to suck, by being more cheesy than a generic mainstream pop song. Nothing about this song has anything even mildly interesting or memorable, and is all around another garbage pile. Nothing in this song is defferent to any other song, other than the less extreme lyrical content
1/10

Scream for My Icecream:
If I hear Dahvie Vanity tell someone to lick his "lollipop" one more time, I'm going to scream. The song is almost identical to the other ones, but with one twist, there are some screamed vocals, and they are painful to say the least. Easily one of the worst songs on the album, no question.
0/10

Believe:
The emotional impact that could possibly be felt by a ballad such as this is lost due to the obnoxious electronic beat that permeates through your skull. It's at the exact frequency to be bothersome, as well as it already being extremely out of place sounding in the first place. As well as this, the standard problems that can be found are all still present, and the song is also extremely meandering and boring, although not as offensively bad as on some other songs.
2/10

I'm What Dreams Are Made Of:
The autotune is overused even more here than in other songs, which is problematic considering how much I've already expressed my negative opinion on how much it's already been used. I really cannot think of much else to say, as almost every song sounds the same.
1/10

It's On Like Donkey Kong:
Quite possibly the single worst rap song I've heard, and I've listened to a number of abysmal rap songs. There is not a single bar in this song that I find to be above pathetic. At the very lest, when this song isn't making me feel mildly ill and give me a headache, it's making me laugh uncontrollably, which isn't a positive in this case, but doesn't make it 100% unbearable.
1/10

Party On:
One thing that I have neglected to mention up until this point is how unbelievably narcissistic many of these lyrics are, which is especially terrible considering how atrocious BOTDF are as people as well. This song is very generic in many ways, and I find the screamed section to be appallingly bad, but at this point in the album, it's extremely hard to properly think, as each song feels like it goes on for an eternity.
1/10

S**** Get Guts:
Another contender for the worst song on the album, it's honestly sad how pathetic their agressive lyrics are, both because of how simplistic and stupid they are, and because the high pitch of the vocalist doesn't fit them at all, making it come of similarly to a little kid saying "I'm very angry", it's just not intimidating at all, and he doesn't sound as badass as he probably thinks he does.
0/10

You Done Goofed:
This song is just unbelievably dull in basically every way. The difference is that while some other songs here contain disgusting or stupid lyrics, the lyrics of this song go past that and enrage me. I am absolutely disgusted by how deplorable everything about the lyrical content is. Anything possibly redeeming about this song (of which there is none) is taken away simply by the lyrics being that bad.
0/10

Success is the Best Revenge:
It's impossible for me to say anything much about the songs at this point, they sound near identical to one another, although this song does use a lot of rough vocals compared to the rest of the album, which is not a good thing when they sound like a lion with throat cancer. The song also ends weirdly, because the energy of it sounds as if it were going to continue for longer, but just stopping completely.
1/10

Innocent High:
Oh look, more borderline illiterate lyrics describing sex, never seen this anywhere else.The bridge in the song is particularly terrible, as well as the fact that the chorus is repeated so much. This is definitely one of the most repetitive songs on the album that is filled with repetition.
1/10

Idgaf:
The other issue with the lyrics other than the ones I've already mentioned is simply how repetitive they are. Despite how explicit they are, there is such little variety in the sexual lyrics, and even less variety in anything that isn't sexual. Other than the multitude of problems listed in many other songs, I find this song to be nothing particularly special.
2/10

F*** the Rest, We the Best!:
By far the most generic song on the album, while still maintaining the low level of quality that can be found throughout. There is literally nothing to differentiate this song from many others on the album, it's just stupid drivel.
2/10

An Epic of Epicness:
Well, ending the album with a 45 second outro is the best idea on this album, i.e, barely making a song at all and giving the listener freedom from the hell that is this abomination. Despite that, it's still a garbage song that goes nowhere and heavily uses autotune.
1/10

4*0 + 11*1 + 5*2 + 2*3 - 11*1.23 = 13/100

Final Thoughts:
Every second of this album is pain. The songs range from abysmal to painful, without a single moment of repreive in between. The lyrics are horrendous as well as disgusting and the sound production is utter garbage, drowning out the vocals, which could be considered a good thing, considering how whiny they are. What is probably my biggest issue however, is the fact that there are 22 songs and the album goes for over an hour, causing extreme boredom as well. There is not a single redeeming factor about this pile of garbage and I never want to listen to it again.

Comments

I agree with you kempokid. This album is so painful to listen to, there is no good songs and it's the opposite of epic. Infact its more like epic fail that album should be called
Anyways great album post rant review Kempo. Keep it up :£ - visitor

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