Best Squidward Tentacles Quotes On SpongeBob SquarePants

Well I made another list for the series this time it's SQUIDWARD!

The Top Ten

1 I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and than we die.

That's true on many levels. - SwagFlicks

Its just a stupid bolder!

So true - bobbythebrony

This is my Dad’s favourite quote!

2 Too bad that didn't kill me

I think we all feel like this sometimes. Especially his fellow food service workers...

That was so funny - bobbythebrony

That's hilarious.

Anyone could say this is a perfect catchphrase

3 Okay new theory. Maybe we should play do quietly no one can hear us

Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't play with their big meaty claws. - DrayTopTens

Hilarious quote - Randomator

Funny - bobbythebrony

4 If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have I'd have one dollar

This quote is said in the episode "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" during when Squidward is destroying SpongeBob and Patrick friendship. - Dreamformusic

Kek I get it - bobbythebrony

5 I hate all of you.

I love that one.

So relatable!

I hear that - bobbythebrony

Awesome - Goatworlds

6 You can't fool me I listen to public radio

Squidward is a liberal?

Liberalism? - bobbythebrony


What’s that supposed to mean?

7 No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument...

Horse radish is not an instrument either. - Aaa2

Neither is Horse Radish - bobbythebrony

This is the best line from patrick - BandMan

This quote is pretty iconic - Randomator

8 The 1st place Snail Racing cup presented to Squidward... TORTELLINI?!

Will he ever win? - bobbythebrony

I laughed so hard because of this

9 I feel like a...i feel like a...*donkey noises* big jerk!

The thing is, it's not really funny to me, but it's one of the things that shows that although SpongeBob annoys Squidward a lot, the cephalopod does care for his bro deep down inside.

"I wonder what's inside. Probably a jelly fish or an old krabby patty or...HIS FAVORITE UNDERPANTS!
This part KILLED ME, I had to rewind it so many times because I was laughing so hard

Had a hint of Tom and Jerry in that one. - bobbythebrony

What have I done to poor Spongebob? - Datguyisweird666

10 Future! Future!

This should be #1 in the Future! Future! - LapisBob

Squidward: Future!, Future!. Spongetron: drops a brick on his head - PatrickStar3

(Insert Brick) - bobbythebrony

The Contenders

11 When I die, you stay away from my funeral

Horrible, Putrid! - bobbythebrony

12 I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.

Probably not - bobbythebrony


13 Patrick go be stupid somewhere else!

Uh uh uh Squidward - bobbythebrony


14 Spongebob isn't hear to enjoy spongebob not being here

Squidward was so happy - bobbythebrony

Sometimes, I really don't get his quotes

15 One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I' m standing right here!?

Lol. Spongebob doesn’t think,does he?

16 I'm Not Rushing Perfection, I'm Rushing You!

Yes I'm a diva miss Marilyn Monroe

Well, I guess it's true...? - Rocko

17 Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent.

We understand you have a dying animal on the premises

Poor Squidward - bobbythebrony

18 Welcome to the Krusty Krab, Where the Clock of Evolution Ticks Backwards.

My dad died when he heard this

lol laV IT

19 Just do me a favor and stop doing me favors!

Isn't that a favor?

Oh the irony! - bobbythebrony


20 Oh no he's hot!!
21 I have no soul

(Evil Laugh) - bobbythebrony

22 Please come again *under his breath* when I'm not working

Nice - bobbythebrony

Can relate - Randomator

23 Does this look unsure to you?

That FACE he made killed me-lol

Spongebob: No - Datguyisweird666

24 (Bubble Bass finishes his long order) We serve food here, sir.

Squidward is such a savage that THAT same quote was on a roast compilation

I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft animal style. extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it SWIM.

Dang dude, you are a legend! Get your own show! Please!

the best

25 I'm a winner, see my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!

That is awesome! I'm gonna have to say that some time!

26 Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why?!

This is my second favorite Squidward quote. - bobbythebrony

This quote is an accurate representation of how the writers treat Squidward.

Patrick: You could be bald and have a big nose

27 (Bubble Bass approaches) Let me guess, tiny. A small salad?

Hey, sounds like the squid could be a good health counselor someday. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

28 Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong?
29 Because I am all out of MONEEEEEEY!!!!!

That face though. It killed me

Squidward. Is. The. BEST! 🤗 He's so hilarious! Maybe he should have his own show

30 Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order?

Day 1000 in hospitality

Best quote ever!

Love squid ward

Customer: *Orders food*
Squidward: That depends...
Customer: On what?
Squidward: On how long you want to live?

I had to add this because this is one of my favorite Squidward quotes. This quote is from “Restaining SpongeBob”, in case anyone wants to know - KingSlayer93316

31 Wake Me Up When I Care!

Do you care now? - bobbythebrony

Me everyday at school - Randomator

32 What did I do that time?

He just doesn't like you - bobbythebrony

I don't know I guess he just doesn't like you

Pretend to be somebody else - EJ0602

33 If you think I'm gonna stand out there all day listening to (annoying SpongeBob noises) then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!

I have a particular person I could say this too lol

Plankton: I hope you like grey!

34 I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today

Me in the morning

Relatable - Randomator

Very true. - BlueTelegraph

35 Another day, another migraine

I feel you, Squidward, I feel you


36 It's Tentacles! Not tennis balls!

The one thing I hate is the way everyone pronounces last names wrong ONPOURPOSE. So, I know how you feel, Squidward Tentacles

Not exactly - bobbythebrony

37 Krabby Patty nothing!!

I'm sorry, this part always makes me laugh!

38 Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?
39 Oh, my aching tentacles.
40 Shut your half wit pie holes


Great - bobbythebrony

41 That's his eager face

Great episode - bobbythebrony

42 TTTTTTTTonight?
43 Is it time already for you to ruin my day?

How I always feel towards people at school.

44 That's not what I meant you barnaclehead!

This is my favorite Squidward quote - bobbythebrony

45 "being hired." - the krusty dog

Haha - bobbythebrony

46 Presented to Squidward... Tortellini? Will I ever win?

Brilliant - bobbythebrony

47 Being dead, or anything else!

When Spongebob says "What could be better than serving up smile? " Squidward says this quote and honestly this is true on so many levels! Preach Squidward! - EJ0602

48 It's Not My Birthday!!!
49 Stop playing, in my yard
50 Do you have barnacles for brains?
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