Best Squidward Tentacles Quotes On SpongeBob SquarePants

The Top Ten

1 I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and than we die.

That's true on many levels.

Its just a stupid bolder!

So true

This is my Dad’s favourite quote!

2 Too bad that didn't kill me

I think we all feel like this sometimes. Especially his fellow food service workers...

Anyone could say this is a perfect catchphrase

That was so funny

That's hilarious.

3 Okay new theory. Maybe we should play do quietly no one can hear us

Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't play with their big meaty claws.

Hilarious quote



4 If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have I'd have one dollar

This quote is said in the episode "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" during when Squidward is destroying SpongeBob and Patrick friendship.

Kek I get it

5 I hate all of you.

I love that one.

Sandy: I love Karate
SpongeBob: I love Kara-TAY
Mr. Krabs: I love MONEY-AY
Squidward: I hate all of you
Relatable and funny

So relatable!

6 You can't fool me I listen to public radio

Squidward is a liberal?



What’s that supposed to mean?

7 No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument...

Horse radish is not an instrument either.

This is the best line from patrick

This quote is pretty iconic

Neither is Horse Radish

8 The 1st place Snail Racing cup presented to Squidward... TORTELLINI?!

I laughed so hard because of this

Will he ever win?

9 Future! Future!

Squidward: Future!, Future!. Spongetron: drops a brick on his head

This should be #1 in the Future! Future!

(Insert Brick)

10 When I die, you stay away from my funeral

Horrible, Putrid!

The Contenders

11 I feel like a...i feel like a...*donkey noises* big jerk!

The thing is, it's not really funny to me, but it's one of the things that shows that although SpongeBob annoys Squidward a lot, the cephalopod does care for his bro deep down inside.

"I wonder what's inside. Probably a jelly fish or an old krabby patty or...HIS FAVORITE UNDERPANTS!
This part KILLED ME, I had to rewind it so many times because I was laughing so hard

Had a hint of Tom and Jerry in that one.

What have I done to poor Spongebob?

12 I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.

Probably not


13 Patrick go be stupid somewhere else!

Uh uh uh Squidward


14 Spongebob isn't hear to enjoy spongebob not being here

Sometimes, I really don't get his quotes

Squidward was so happy

15 One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I' m standing right here!?

Lol. Spongebob doesn’t think,does he?

16 Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent.

We understand you have a dying animal on the premises

Poor Squidward

17 I'm not rushing perfection, I'm rushing you!

Yes I'm a diva miss Marilyn Monroe

Well, I guess it's true...?

18 Oh no he's hot!!

Imagine him in his underwear

19 Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where the Clock of Evolution ticks backwards.

My dad died when he heard this

20 Just do me a favor and stop doing me favors!

Isn't that a favor?

Oh the irony!


21 I have no soul

(Evil Laugh)

22 Please come again *under his breath* when I'm not working


Can relate

23 Does this look unsure to you?

That FACE he made killed me-lol

Spongebob: No

24 (Bubble Bass finishes his long order) We serve food here, sir.

I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft animal style. extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it SWIM.

Squidward is such a savage that THAT same quote was on a roast compilation

Dang dude, you are a legend! Get your own show! Please!

25 I'm a winner, see my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!

That is awesome! I'm gonna have to say that some time!

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