Best Squidward Tentacles Quotes On SpongeBob SquarePants

Well I made another list for the series this time it's SQUIDWARD!

The Top Ten

1 I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and than we die.

Its just a stupid bolder!

That's true on many levels. - SwagFlicks

So true - bobbythebrony

This is my Dad’s favourite quote!

1 Comment
2 Too bad that didn't kill me

I think we all feel like this sometimes. Especially his fellow food service workers...

So fun

That was so funny - bobbythebrony

That's hilarious.

3 Okay new theory. Maybe we should play do quietly no one can hear us

Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't play with their big meaty claws. - DrayTopTens

Hilarious quote - Randomator

Funny - bobbythebrony

4 If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have I'd have one dollar

This quote is said in the episode "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" during when Squidward is destroying SpongeBob and Patrick friendship. - Dreamformusic

Kek I get it - bobbythebrony

5 Future! Future!

This should be #1 in the Future! Future! - LapisBob

Squidward: Future!, Future!. Spongetron: drops a brick on his head - PatrickStar3

(Insert Brick) - bobbythebrony

6 You can't fool me I listen to public radio


Squidward is a liberal?

Liberalism? - bobbythebrony

What’s that supposed to mean?

7 No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument...

This is the best line from patrick - BandMan

Neither is Horse Radish - BandMan

This quote is pretty iconic - Randomator


8 I hate all of you.

I love that one.

So relatable!


I hear that - bobbythebrony

1 Comment
9 One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I' m standing right here!?

Lol. Spongebob doesn’t think,does he?

10 The 1st place Snail Racing cup presented to Squidward... TORTELLINI?!

Will he ever win? - bobbythebrony

I laughed so hard because of this

The Contenders

11 I feel like a...i feel like a...*donkey noises* big jerk!

"I wonder what's inside. Probably a jelly fish or an old krabby patty or...HIS FAVORITE UNDERPANTS!
This part KILLED ME, I had to rewind it so many times because I was laughing so hard

Had a hint of Tom and Jerry in that one. - bobbythebrony

What have I done to poor Spongebob? - Datguyisweird666

12 Oh no he's hot!!
13 When I die, you stay away from my funeral

Horrible, Putrid! - bobbythebrony

14 I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.


Probably not - bobbythebrony

15 Is it time already for you to ruin my day?

How I always feel towards people at school.

16 Patrick go be stupid somewhere else!


Uh uh uh Squidward - bobbythebrony

17 Spongebob isn't hear to enjoy spongebob not being here

Sometimes, I really don't get his quotes

Squidward was so happy - bobbythebrony

18 Welcome to the Krusty Krab, Where the Clock of Evolution Ticks Backwards.

lol laV IT

My dad died when he heard this

19 SpongeBob Patrick Do You Mind?!
20 Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent.

We understand you have a dying animal on the premises

Poor Squidward - bobbythebrony

21 Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?
22 I'm Not Rushing Perfection, I'm Rushing You!

Yes I'm a diva miss Marilyn Monroe

Well, I guess it's true...? - Rocko

23 Just do me a favor and stop doing me favors!

Isn't that a favor?

Oh the irony! - bobbythebrony

24 I have no soul

(Evil Laugh) - bobbythebrony

25 Please come again *under his breath* when I'm not working

Can relate - Randomator

Nice - bobbythebrony

26 (Bubble Bass finishes his long order) We serve food here, sir.

Squidward is such a savage that THAT same quote was on a roast compilation

I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft animal style. extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it SWIM.

the best

27 I'm a winner, see my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!

That is awesome! I'm gonna have to say that some time!

28 Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why?!

This quote is an accurate representation of how the writers treat Squidward.

This is my second favorite Squidward quote. - bobbythebrony

29 Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong?
30 Does this look unsure to you?

That FACE he made killed me-lol

Spongebob: No - Datguyisweird666

31 (Bubble Bass approaches) Let me guess, tiny. A small salad?

Hey, sounds like the squid could be a good health counselor someday. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

32 It's Not My Birthday!!!
33 Wake Me Up When I Care!

Me everyday at school - Randomator

Do you care now? - bobbythebrony

34 Another day, another migraine

I feel you, Squidward, I feel you


35 Because I am all out of MONEEEEEEY!!!!!

That face though. It killed me

Squidward. Is. The. BEST! 🤗 He's so hilarious! Maybe he should have his own show

36 What did I do that time?

He just doesn't like you - bobbythebrony

I don't know I guess he just doesn't like you

Pretend to be somebody else - EJ0602

37 Krabby Patty nothing!!

I'm sorry, this part always makes me laugh!

38 I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today

Very true. - BlueTelegraph

Relatable - Randomator

Me in the morning

39 Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order?

Best quote ever!

Day 1000 in hospitality

Love squid ward

Customer: *Orders food*
Squidward: That depends...
Customer: On what?
Squidward: On how long you want to live?

I had to add this because this is one of my favorite Squidward quotes. This quote is from “Restaining SpongeBob”, in case anyone wants to know - KingSlayer93316

40 It's Tentacles! Not tennis balls!

The one thing I hate is the way everyone pronounces last names wrong ONPOURPOSE. So, I know how you feel, Squidward Tentacles

Not exactly - bobbythebrony

41 That's his eager face

Great episode - bobbythebrony

42 If you think I'm gonna stand out there all day listening to (annoying SpongeBob noises) then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!

I have a particular person I could say this too lol

43 TTTTTTTTonight?
44 Oh, my aching tentacles.
45 That's not what I meant you barnaclehead!

This is my favorite Squidward quote - bobbythebrony

46 Shut your half wit pie holes

Great - bobbythebrony

47 "being hired." - the krusty dog

Haha - bobbythebrony

48 Presented to Squidward... Tortellini? Will I ever win?

Brilliant - bobbythebrony

49 Being dead, or anything else!

When Spongebob says "What could be better than serving up smile? " Squidward says this quote and honestly this is true on so many levels! Preach Squidward! - EJ0602

50 Stop playing, in my yard
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List Stats

300 votes
52 listings
5 years, 270 days old

Top Remixes (4)

1. One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I' m standing right here!?
2. Is it time already for you to ruin my day?
3. Future! Future!
1. Too bad that didn't kill me
2. I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and than we die.
3. I feel like a...i feel like a...*donkey noises* big jerk!
1. I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. We do that for forty years and than we die.
2. I hate all of you.
3. When I die, you stay away from my funeral

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