Top Ten Stewart Francis Quotes
The Top Ten
1 Ridiculous stereotypes often make people very ignorant towards other nationalities. For example, I’m in good shape, intelligent, and I don’t have sex with my cousins, and yet still people assume I’m American.
Americans are quite a stupid bunch. And they stereotype other countries.
2 I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”
3 People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!
4 My teacher said I'd do much better at school if I stopped flirting… I immediately got off his lap.
Don't sit, don't sit so, don't sit so close to me...
5 I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music… at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified.
6 Kim Kardashian has been saddled with a huge arse, but enough about Kanye West.
Yo, me, the ass man, likes both Nicki and Kim's butt. Kanye west would like to see that!
7 We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.
8 Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
9 Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.
10 I married way too young… she was Chinese.
The Contenders
11 I love going on blind dates because you can stare at their tits. … Some of you are now thinking — “Hey you can’t make fun of the blind…” Watch me.
12 I quit my job at the helium gas factory; I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
13 So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.
14 I was going to join the debating team, but somebody talked me out of it.
15 I failed math so many times in school, I can’t even count.
16 I was sitting in traffic the other day… and I got run over.
17 My sister has just married a Chinese billionaire… Cha Ching!
18 My uncle was a hypnotist who, “d i d … n o t … t o u c h … m e … w h e n … I … w a s … y o u n g !”
19 I’m not an expert on masturbation, but I hold my own.
20 My wife and I decided we don’t want children; if someone wants them, we’ll drop them off tomorrow.
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