Top Ten Stupidest Ways to Attack Someone

PositronWildhawk

The Top Ten

1 Get the largest feather you can find and smash it in their face

Can you do it without leaving a mark? - Britgirl

Ouch! That would just HURT! - Immortui-Fortissimus

I don't think I will make it... - Nateawesomeness

Achoo!

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2 Jump from a chopper 50,000 feet above them and try to land on them

You could miss them and get hurt pretty badly. This may even cause death. So don't even THINK about doing this. - EpicJake

Imagine Lee Harvey Oswald doing this on Kennedy... - StephanTheIdiot

*Misses by a centimeter* - MontyPython

Oh my god that would kill them. - PatrickStar3

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3 Club them hard on the head with a panini

Focaccia is also acceptable. - PetSounds

They are gonna eat it.

I can't stop laughing. - AnonymousChick

Lol. That's so funny. - Powerfulgirl10

4 Try to raise a dinosaur from the dead in order to get your victim

Isn't that a little bit too complicated? Can't you raise something closer to now from the dead? How about a Dodo Bird? - Martinglez

Rex, we summon your soul from the Underworld to defeat this ponce. - PositronWildhawk

I guess I'll have to travel back in time, and bring out a T-Rex to kill someone. - Powerfulgirl10

5 Dip your fingers in battery acid and then poke them

Wouldn't that burn? - Powerfulgirl10

That would hurt you more.

6 Smack them with your genitals

Why would you do this it would hurt you more than them and probably really gross them out

I'm going to guess you added this item just so you could say that - Songsta41

Now I have an awful image in my head... - Powerfulgirl10

That's the thing bout this list.

I don't even. - mattstat716

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7 Kick them extremely slowly

This brings to mind memories of my incredibly awkward childhood. I'd rather not elaborate. - TehBoss

Maybe you should've been born as a sloth instead. - Powerfulgirl10

Wow effective.. - Ananya

My leg is currently a couple of centimetres above the ground...three centimetres... - PositronWildhawk

8 Throw a soft ball at them in the hope that it will explode in a matter of seconds

I'd prefer a red one. Their explosions are bigger than their blue counterparts. - Turkeyasylum

Hold on a minute, could you just hold onto that? *takes cover* - PositronWildhawk

9 Yell 'I'm going to attack you', and then lightly tap them on the nose

I've said loads of stuff like that. Lol. - IronSabbathPriest

YEOUCH! That hurt! (Sarcasm.) - Powerfulgirl10

10 Trying to go Super Saiyan and then trying to do a Kamehameha

Everyone who loved Dragon Ball Z probably always wanted to do this. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

I wish this was real - TwilightKitsune

The Contenders

11 Play Justin Bieber in their ears

Baby would go great with this! - Powerfulgirl10

Haha.

12 Try to sit on them while they are standing up

If you happen to have a group of people around you in a tight circle, this could quickly turn into a bunch of people sitting on each other whilst being sat on by someone else. - Merilille

Lol. It might be hard to try. - Powerfulgirl10

13 Try to coax them into a car compactor

Hey, buddy, I seem to have left my hat in there. Would you be so kind as to get it for me? Oh, this button doesn't really do anything. - PositronWildhawk

Are you trying to reference Goldfinger? With the hat and all. - IronSabbathPriest

14 Slo-mo slap them to death

I want to see this. - Powerfulgirl10

15 Attempt to pick them up by a single hair

That one actually hurts - Songsta41

This actually does hurt. - Powerfulgirl10

16 Throw a Death Note at them

Random Guy: I'll take a Death Note and throw it at that noob over there!
Me: Um, excuse me, that's not how you use a Death Note.
Random Guy: So you're calling me a noob? How about I throw this at you?! (throws the Death Note at me).
Me: So you thought throwing a Death Note at me would kill me, huh? Unfortunately for you, NOOB, I actually KNOW HOW TO USE THIS. I guess I'm the new Kira now! You are as insignificant as the potato chip I just took and ate! - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Man: I'll go throw thus Death Note at that jerk over there.
Me: That's not how you use a death note...
Man: Whatever. At least I'll try. *throws death note*
Jerk: What is this? A Death Note? Some idiot tried to kill me with this! Ha! It didn't work, punk. I actually know how to use this and I'll kill you with it!
Man: NNNOO! - Powerfulgirl10

17 Hit them in the face with either a book

Can be deadly. Hitting someone with a hardcover book in the throat can be fatal. In fact not that stupid.

With either a book or...? - Dawscr

Either a book or what...? - Powerfulgirl10

or... - Songsta41

18 Try to shoot a bullet through yourself to hit him

Effective if in your head. - mattstat716

19 Poke Them To Death

Me: *poke* Boop *person dies* - Powerfulgirl10

20 Hit them with a wiffle bat

Will never work - SteelCity99

21 Throw a piece of paper at them with intent to give them a paper cut

What a great idea! I’ll try it sometime. - Hermione_Granger220

22 Sneeze on them

Once a girl sitting next to me sneezed on me, my friend was laughing, God it was gross! - Ananya

Could work if you have an infectious disease. - PositronWildhawk

Snot death. Gross! - Powerfulgirl10

It's annoying when that happens. - PatrickStar3

23 Stuff A Chicken Wing Up Their Nose

Lol. What...?! - Powerfulgirl10

Well then... - Hermione_Granger220

24 Eat Bombs that are edible then give them one and is real so they explode

What. I don't understand. - mattstat716

Lol.

25 Throw a corn dog at them

*eats the corn dog* Thanks! - Powerfulgirl10

26 Pretend you're in Mario Kart and throw a blue shell.

Only issue is; nobody else is playing, so you're in first. - mattstat716

I glued spikes onto this seashell I painted blue!

27 Use a tiny paperclip to stab them

Pretty dumb

Man: I'm gonna stab you with this tiny paperclip. *pokes some random guy*
Random Guy:...? - Powerfulgirl10

Good idea... I’ll try this. - Hermione_Granger220

28 Putting your head on someone else's head and vibrating it so it hurts them.

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2 years, 105 days old

Top Remixes (5)

1. Dip your fingers in battery acid and then poke them
2. Get the largest feather you can find and smash it in their face
3. Play Justin Bieber in their ears

Skullkid755

1. Get the largest feather you can find and smash it in their face
2. Smack them with your genitals
3. Trying to go Super Saiyan and then trying to do a Kamehameha

Martinglez

1. Trying to go Super Saiyan and then trying to do a Kamehameha
2. Yell 'I'm going to attack you', and then lightly tap them on the nose
3. Smack them with your genitals

ModernSpongeBobSucks