Top Ten Stupidest Ways to Attack Someone

The Top Ten

Get the largest feather you can find and smash it in their face

Hawkie, why are you so obsessed with geese and moose?

I see you're contemplating options concerning a certian lab report.

Can you do it without leaving a mark?

I don't think I will make it...

Jump from a chopper 50,000 feet above them and try to land on them

I would try this only if I had a parachute. I'd probably try to gently kick my target in the head or just land on them and try to balance as the parachute floats down and slowly suffocates my opponent as I scuttle away into safety as they drop to the floor and die.

Nope, nothing extreme there. 😙

You could miss them and get hurt pretty badly. This may even cause death. So don't even THINK about doing this.

Imagine Lee Harvey Oswald doing this on Kennedy...

Oh my god that would kill them.

Try to raise a dinosaur from the dead in order to get your victim

Isn't that a little bit too complicated? Can't you raise something closer to now from the dead? How about a Dodo Bird?

I guess I'll have to travel back in time, and bring out a T-Rex to kill someone.

Rex, we summon your soul from the Underworld to defeat this ponce.

Dip your fingers in battery acid and then poke them

That would hurt you more.

Wouldn't that burn?

Throw a soft ball at them in the hope that it will explode in a matter of seconds

I'd prefer a red one. Their explosions are bigger than their blue counterparts.

Hold on a minute, could you just hold onto that? *takes cover*

Club them hard on the head with a panini

Focaccia is also acceptable.

They are gonna eat it.

I can't stop laughing.

Lol. That's so funny.

Kick them extremely slowly

This brings to mind memories of my incredibly awkward childhood. I'd rather not elaborate.

Maybe you should've been born as a sloth instead.

My leg is currently a couple of centimetres above the ground...three centimetres...

Wow effective..

Try to go Super Saiyan and then do a Kamehameha

Everyone who loved Dragon Ball Z probably always wanted to do this.

I wish this was real

Smack them with your genitals

Why would you do this it would hurt you more than them and probably really gross them out

I'm going to guess you added this item just so you could say that

Now I have an awful image in my head...

That's the thing bout this list.

That would hurt

Yell 'I'm going to attack you', and then lightly tap them on the nose

I've said loads of stuff like that. Lol.

YEOUCH! That hurt! (Sarcasm.)

The Contenders

Play Justin Bieber in their ears

Baby would go great with this!

Try to sit on them while they are standing up

If you happen to have a group of people around you in a tight circle, this could quickly turn into a bunch of people sitting on each other whilst being sat on by someone else.

Lol. It might be hard to try.

Try to coax them into a car compactor

Hey, buddy, I seem to have left my hat in there. Would you be so kind as to get it for me? Oh, this button doesn't really do anything.

Are you trying to reference Goldfinger? With the hat and all.

Attempt to pick them up by a single hair

That one actually hurts

This actually does hurt.

Slo-mo slap them

I want to see this.

Throw a Death Note at them

Random Guy: I'll take a Death Note and throw it at that noob over there!
Me: Um, excuse me, that's not how you use a Death Note.
Random Guy: So you're calling me a noob? How about I throw this at you?! (throws the Death Note at me).
Me: So you thought throwing a Death Note at me would kill me, huh? Unfortunately for you, NOOB, I actually KNOW HOW TO USE THIS. I guess I'm the new Kira now! You are as insignificant as the potato chip I just took and ate!

Man: I'll go throw thus Death Note at that jerk over there.
Me: That's not how you use a death note...
Man: Whatever. At least I'll try. *throws death note*
Jerk: What is this? A Death Note? Some idiot tried to kill me with this! Ha! It didn't work, punk. I actually know how to use this and I'll kill you with it!
Man: NNNOO!

Well at least there's a 2nd person to see your shinigami

Try to shoot a bullet through yourself to hit them

Effective if in your head.

Hit them in the face with a book

Can be deadly. Hitting someone with a hardcover book in the throat can be fatal. In fact not that stupid.

With either a book or...?

Either a book or what...?

Hit them with a wiffle bat

Will never work

Throw a piece of paper at them with intent to give them a paper cut

What a great idea! I’ll try it sometime.

Sneeze on them

Once a girl sitting next to me sneezed on me, my friend was laughing, God it was gross!

Could work if you have an infectious disease.

It's annoying when that happens.

Snot death. Gross!

Poke them

Me: *poke* Boop *person dies*

Stuff a chicken wing up their nose
Try to summon an anime character to help you
Throw a corn dog at them

*eats the corn dog* Thanks!

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