Top 10 Most Surefire Ways Of Knowing That You Are a Pretentious Hipster

xandermartin98
You see, this list is ironic because I myself am very, VERY much one of these

The Top Ten

1 You often find yourself giving hilariously long-winded purple-prose speeches to your friends about why you are smarter than the general public for personally liking one thing more than another (often vaguely) related thing

To be fair, you need to have an exceptionally high IQ to understand the underlying intracacies of Rocko's Modern Life. The adult humor is extremely subtle (cough, RIGHT), and without a solid grasp of theoretical satire, much of the show's true humor will go over a typical young child's head. There's also Rocko's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterization - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Jeremiah Seinfeldian literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these grotesquely animated slapstick sight gags, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence, people who dislike Rocko's Modern Life but worship Ren & Stimpy truly ARE pretentious idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humor in Rocko's existential catchphrase "Heh Heh, OH MY," which itself is a cryptic reference to Nicolas Parkinson's Great British ...more - xandermartin98

2 You base your review scores for media largely off of how much of a "beautifully sophisticated and wondrous work of art" the thing you're talking about is rather than its actual entertainment quality

(cough, Zero Punctuation's and Jim Sterling's A+ reviews of Undertale, wheeze) - xandermartin98

3 You take coffee and laptops with you almost everywhere you go and dress in elaborately pompous and flamboyant fashion styles

Basically a modern-day version of Dean McCoppin from The Iron Giant, only PROBABLY less handsome - xandermartin98

4 You constantly bash things for being "overrated"

Examples:
This site and YouTube most especially with indie games (don't even get me started on Undertale)

Sony/Microsoft fanboys with each other's respective rival companies and more infamously Nintendo
This site most especially with Zootopia and Frozen
Me with Ren & Stimpy and Beavis & Butthead (to be fair, Rocko IS pretty ridiculously overrated too) - xandermartin98

5 You are a popular artist/creator (especially a British music one) who claims to be "outside of the mainstream" but actually isn't

Famous examples:
Thom Yorke (Radiohead)
Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, etc)
Joe Murray (Rocko's Modern Life and Camp Lazlo)
Scott Cawthon (Five Nights At Freddy's)




Tobias "Radiation" Fox (Earthbound Halloween Hack and Undertale)
Christopher Nolan (Dark Knight Trilogy)
Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon (Rick & Morty)
George Lucas (Star Wars Series)



John Kricfaluski (Ren & Stimpy)
Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins)

Youtube examples:
Alex Horton (I Hate Everything)
Ralph Sepe (RalphTheMovieMaker)
Joji Miller (Filthy Frank)
Ian Carter (iDubbbzTV)
Gregory Jackson (Onision, thankfully the only actually BAD Youtuber of the five) - xandermartin98

6 You are an "indie" developer (most especially of video games)

How else can you explain Cave Story's incredibly predictable and cliched plot twists that absolutely none of the game's fans would EVER shut up about, or Undertale's ungodly biased morality system, or the almost indescribably by-the-numbers "OH MY GOD, LOOK AT ME, I'M SO DARK, VIOLENT AND EDGY" plots (if you can even CALL most of them such a thing) of indie horror games such as Amnesia, FNAF and the Creepypasta adaptations? - xandermartin98

7 You review movies and TV shows in the almost-exact style of RalphTheMovieMaker and/or YourMovieSucks

"Yeah, I remember journeying all the way across San Antonio and quite nearly failing to even make my journey on time due to an unspeakably tragic last-minute miscalculation of the local VIA bus schedule just to see Ready Player One at the Fiesta Trail dollar theater, all right; I remember it like you remember the Holocaust" - xandermartin98

8 You know "for a fact" that Rocko's Modern Life is the single greatest 1990s Nickelodeon cartoon of all time

Look up above for more info - xandermartin98

9 You unironically believe that Stanley Kubrick and Stephen King actually live up to the amount of hype that they've respectively gotten as a film-maker and a book-writer

No, their work is NOT intellectually challenging in the slightest; if anything, it's more of a "how long can you stay awake" challenge (looking at you two most especially, 2001 Space Odyssey and the 1990 It miniseries) - xandermartin98

10 You constantly argue with yourself about which Radiohead album is your favorite (preferably between The Bends and OK Computer)

The sooner you admit that this band objectively only has two truly great albums, the sooner you'll find your peace of mind (from all of the unborn chicken voices in your head, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum, quid pro quo) - xandermartin98

I think all of them suck so...

The Contenders

11 Metroid is your favorite of the main three Nintendo franchises (Mario, Zelda, it) because it's the least popular
12 You have a big ego despite having nothing to show that you earned it
13 You think your name is cool just because it's spelled or pronounced in a weird way
14 You are a member of the Rick & Morty fandom
15 You criticize certain things for being "too mainstream" but then obsess over other things that are also highly mainstream
16 You think the word "mainstream" means "bad"
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Top Remixes

1. You often find yourself giving hilariously long-winded purple-prose speeches to your friends about why you are smarter than the general public for personally liking one thing more than another (often vaguely) related thing
2. You base your review scores for media largely off of how much of a "beautifully sophisticated and wondrous work of art" the thing you're talking about is rather than its actual entertainment quality
3. You take coffee and laptops with you almost everywhere you go and dress in elaborately pompous and flamboyant fashion styles
xandermartin98

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