Puga's Premier League Predictions 2018/19

Puga
Who's idea was it to end the transfer window early in a World Cup year?

A follow up to my expert prediction from last year where I got the top 2 exactly correct. And no one else. I thought Burnley would go down and Bournemouth would get 7th wallahi. This will be even more accurate. All 20 teams will be correct. Let's go.

20th: Cardiff
We finally manage to get rid of the only Welsh team in the league and suddenly these sheep shaggers decide to get promoted. Tinpot club. Do not deserve premier league football. Warnock gonna lose it before the end of the season. Their star player is a failed right back. At least they signed Greg Cunningham, Irish Marcelo should actually be able to start for his country over Stephen "give the ball to Eriksen for Denmark's fourth goal" Ward. Tinpot club.

19th: Southampton
I thought last season established that we should be moving past English managers? Pardew, Pulis, Lambert, Allardyce (😔) all out of the prem yet Southampton think paying Mark Hughes to manage a team is a good idea. Boufal the Moroccan Mahrez, gonna carry this team out of twentieth. Remember when Gabbiadini and Shane Long were good strikers? Now they have Austin pulling his hamstring 8 times a season. Bednarek is the top Polish scorer in the Prem, fun fact. He scored one goal. I wish these fellas went down instead of Swansea, just a feeder club. Ward Prowse should jump ship ASAP. Remember when this club let Pellegrino survive through three quarters of the season even though he was guiding them to the championship haha. Get out of my league. Oh yeah and they sold Tadic for no reason.

18th: Burnley
"But chief! You predicted Burnley to get relegated last year and they-" don't care virgin. They will prioritise Europa over Premier League football, at least Dyche will. Dyche doesn't give a sh*t about the league, he could get relegated seven times and Vizeh would still want a statue of him. Vizeh is a nonce. Burnley to beat Betis in the final, bet your house on it. I am never wrong.

17th: Huddersfield
You are tinpot and I don't like you. But your manager is far too good to let you down. Best German manager in the league. Depoitre to score a brace or two. Look out for Kongolo, he's who Palace fans thought Raidewald would be. Schindler's list.

16th: Fulham
I have never seen a more overhyped squad in my 28 years on this planet. Their best player is 17. Seri is a BTEC Cyprien. They decided to bring in Schurrle despite him playing the same position as their best player, who is 17. Jokanovic gunman, Bilic cries himself to sleep every night wishing he could be him. They lost their best right back on a free. Ryan Seesegnon, the 17 year old who is 17 will carry them.

15th: Everton
Marco Silva is a fraud, I will not tell you hooligans again. Digne baller, better full back than any of United's. Sold their top scorer to the MLS. Carried by the BTEC Kante in midfield and the Mackem Neuer in goal. Spent 50 million on someone who isn't top 20 wingers in the league. Seamus Coleman hero. Please sign Rojo.

14th: Bournemouth
The year is 2029. Bournemouth have finished in midtable for the 15th season in a row. They are still relying on Cook and Francis in defence. Ibe still has potential. Their stadium is still tiny. Eddie Howe is still an average manager. Yer da enters the room. He suggests Eddie Howe as a replacement for failed Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta. The pub agrees. Brexit still hasn't happened. Lewis Cook has won the Ballon d'or.

13th: Newcastle
Rafa to walk midseason. Mike Ashley laughs as this means Rafa doesn't get his termination bonus. This club pays Joselu money to score goals. Bald Kroos in midfield. By that I mean he is a fraud. Jonjo Shelvey is a fraud. Dubravka immense keeper, superior European genes. Ciaran Clark will continue to be Ireland's second best centre back.

12th: Crystal Palace
Zaha. Milivojevic. Hodgson. Without them, this club would be in League 2. Wan Bikassa is pretty good too.

11th: Watford
Start brightly. Place in top 8. Have creative players score saucy goals. Upset Liverpool. Remember that you regularly employ Adrian Mariappa. Start losing. Slip out of top 10. Christmas passes. Lose crucial games with fellow top 10 clubs. Slip into dangerous territory. Sack manager. Appoint unkown foreigner from eastern Europe. Steady ship. Deeney scores a few crucial goals. Finish mid table. Sack recently appointed manager. Appoint another unknown. Rinse. Repeat.

10th: Brighton
Izquierdo sauciest Colombian in Prem history. Shane Duffy will continue to be Ireland's best centre back player. Chris Hughton black excellence. Glenn Murray to keep banging them in. Very gay clun, have my respect. Pascal Groß FC. Will beat us again.

9th: Leicester
Puel to be first manager sacked. They'll appoint Allardyce or something. Jamie Vardy to score 20+ again, proving he is a top 5 striker in the league, only behind Kane, Lukaku, Aubameyang and Aguero (in order). Who needs Mahrez when you have Gray and Albrighton? And Kaputska. Diabaté and Maddison are both very good, look out for them. Kelechi's career is finished. Willne to carry the defence. Schmeichel > Alisson.

8th: Wolves
This club were in League 1 3 years ago. They're doing better transfer business than the richest club in the world. Moutinho, Patrico, Jota, Neves, Bonatini, Boly, Saiss, Adama what a team ffs. Nuno best Portuguese manager in the league.

7th: West Ham
Are we all forgetting that Pellegrini is a premier league winner who took City further in the UCL than Pep has? Are we forgetting that England's best midfielder plays for these guys? (Alli is a second striker thank you) Arnautovic, Anderson, Yarmolenko, Fredericks, Obiang, Antonio, Rice what a squad. Forever blowing bubbles.

6th: Manchester United
This is it. The beginning of the end. Chaos. Armageddon. Mourinho to be sacked at Christmas with us at 14th. Chris Smalling. Signing a short Bakayoko, a random Portuguese man who's played about four times before and Stoke's backup keeper and thinking that's a good window. Phil Jones. Wasting the most talented youngster we've had since Ronaldo. Having no back up to Lukaku. Having no right winger. Giving captaincy to a man who can't speak English. Starting Smalling and Jones in an FA Cup final. Having exactly 4 good midfielders. Giving number 10 to a Demichelis merchant Welbeck regen. Matteo Darmian. Luke Shaw. Ashley Young. Marcos Rojo. Scott McTominay. Juan Mata. Marcus Rashbeck. Ander Herrera. Antonio Valencia. Drawing 0-0 with the worst team in the MLS. Jose Mourinho is a finished dinosaur, get me Zidane immediately.

5th: Arsenal
Unai Emery threw away a 4-0 lead. Unai Emery bottled a Ligue 1 title. They have three keepers, none of which are good. They have five centre backs, the best of which is some random teenager they kidnapped from Greece. They have 4 full backs, the best of which is a 33 year old Spaniard. They employ the actual Danny Welbeck. Lacazette is washed. Xhaka is garbage. Elneny is poo. Lucas Perez. Özil is easily rustled. Europa League Football to continue.

4th: Chelsea
Haha their fans think they'll win the league because they got some fat lung cancer homophobe merchant who hasn't won a trophy in 28 years. Hazard is a fraudulent ass merchant, won't tell u again. He isn't even top 3 Belgians of all time. Kanté is autistic and rated because he runs a lot, the bald peanut. Courtois running off to Madrid because he thinks he's good. Alvaro Morata. Tiémoué Bakayoko. Will only get top 4 because of Jorginho.

3rd: Spurs
Everyone thinks Spurs will drop off. They never do. They have the best centre back in the league, best manager in the league and the best striker in the world, I think they'll be fine. Sanchez to overthrow Adlerweireld as best centre back in the league too. Harry Winks breakthrough season. Signings are overrated.

2: Liverpool
Yellow toothed German fraud spends a lot of money despite clearly saying it's a sh*t way of building a team a few years ago. Media don't say a word because he says boom a lot. Haha Fekir. Firmino is a lesbian, ugliest footballer in the world. Mané > Hazard. Salah won't get 15 goals. Trent to cement his spot as best right back in the league. Keita Fabinho linkup will be scary. Virgil Van Dijk will continue to be a fraud. Alisson is garbage. Won't make it 6 times.

1st: Manchester City
Treble winners. Pep should be publicly hung if he doesn't win with this squad I swear. They have four wingers that are better than our current right winger. Jesus finaly exposed as a tap in merchant fraud my drug, Rashbeck >>>. Mendy to get hit by a bus and die. Celebrations to ensue. Will go unbeaten until matchday 37 where baked bean head Vincent Kompany will slice the ball into his own net. Gonna beat us 7-0 twice. De Bruyne to come out as gay and marry me. Mahrez to prove he is the best muslim winger in the league and put Mohamed from Cairo in his place. Kinda like how his shoulder had to be put back in place after the UCL final haha. Crying sand rat. De Bruyne breaking the assist record 💉💉💉

Golden Boot: Kane
POTY: de Bruyne

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What is a premier league or world cup - iliekpiez

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