Puga's Football Predictions 2017/18

Football's back.


Premier League Predictions
20th: Huddersfield
Who let this tinpot side in my league? I thought only good teams were allowed in the Prem. Give your spot to Leeds or Villa or someone. Australian Jack Colback is their best player.

19th: Burnley
Not even Sean Dychiola can save this lot. Lost Michael Keane and Andre Gray and spent the money on Jonathan f*cking Walters sksksksks. Jack Cork Burnleyese Jay Spearing. Sam Vokes bullet headers. Relevant because of the Inbetweeners.

18th: Watford
Manages to be the most irrelevant team in a league containing West Brom. Harvey Price and a homophobe up top. Hipster manager. Current employers of Tom Cleverly. Pereyra will hand in transfer request in January. Tika-take tactics with a Deeney-Gray strikeforce, it really is Relegation FC.

17th: Brighton
Really really gay. Sold Stockdale, which is good. Australian Neuer. Shane Duffy Irish Maldini. Knockaert > Ritchie. Need a striker desperately. Duffy and Dunk to keep them up.

16th: Stoke
Used to be a propah football club, now just rely on a 37 year old. Butland goalkeeperese Abou Diaby. Shaqiri Payetesque transfer request incoming. Hope Berahino falls down the stairs. Mark Hughes to finally be sacked. Will stay up only because they sold Glenn Whelan.

15th: Swansea
Paul Clement is a God amongst men. Llorente > Lacazette. Will keep Gylfi. Alfie Mawson, English Vidic. Tammy Abraham wonder season.

14th: West Brom
go away

13th: Newcastle
Paul Dummet Welsh Roberto Carlos. Gave birth to IronSabbathPriest. Most underrated manager in the league. Terrible window. Atsu Ghanaian Bebe. Shelvey is terrible, Alan Browne miles superior. Sold Daryl Murphy. Rob Elliot masterclass to keep them up. WASS GOIN ON LADS ITS THA HEWGE GORDEE BACK AGEN. Willne square head

12th: Crystal Palace
12th: Crystal Palace, the new 9th: Stoke. Replaced my former profile pucture well. Raidewald baller. Zaha baller. Benteke > Lacazette. Cabaye French James Weir. Think they're a big club but Brighton bettah

11th: Leicester
Vardy proper Brexit season, 20 goals to prove he doesn't need the terrorist Mahrez. Schmeichel bettah than his dad. Gray to pull strings on the wings. Ndidi to fill Kante's boots. Shakespeare masterclass. Woeful defence, replace everyone immediately and you get 7th.

10th: Southampton
Will perform better without the lesbian Van Dijk. Romeu and Reed pivot to terrorise midfieds. Bertrand > Kolasinac. Who even is their manager. Redmond and Tadic to have a crossterclass season. Forster bad player.

9th: West Ham
Chicarito > Lacazette. Lanzini > Özil.
Cresswell > Kolasinac. Joe Hart disasterclass to get loaned back to Shrewsbury. Bilic sack. Spencer FC to get arrested for noncing.

8th: Everton
Well done lads, you signed 812 average players, still not getting top six. Pickford worse than Heaton, Keane just a BTEC Shane Duffy, Onreyku Nigerian Johnny Russell. Klaassen Dutch Sebastian Larrson. Rooney would look sh*t in the Championship. All this is an upgtade on Lukaku? ok.

7th: Bournemouth
King and Defoe > Suarez and Sturridge. Begovic what a signing. Arter world class mediocentoro. Fraser Scottish Neymar. Ake elite signing. Top 5 next season.

6th: Spurs
Will get West Ham syndrome. Kane to have a 12/13 Baleesque season. Alli and Eriksen to dry up. Dembele Belgian Fabian Delph. Thinks Tripper is an upgrade on Walker lmao. UCL run.

5th: Chelsea
Replacing Diego Costa with Alvaro Morata.


Kante to get rings ran around him in the UCL. Matic > Bakayoko. Rudiger just a black Curtis Good. Hazard ass merchant, to flop this season. Alonso killed an innocent girl. Luiz to tear his ACL. Caballero to give everyone bald disease. Conte meltdown imminent.

4th: Arsenal

lol ekdee

Kolasinac and Lacazette to flop. Holding masterclass. Alexis to carry the team. Wilshere to die of irrelevancy. Xhaka Ramsey best pivot in the league. Their starting keeper is a spastic and their backup snorts Coke. Giroud to carry them and bully Lacazette into suicide by March.

3rd: Liverpool
Manager doesn't brush his teeth. Firmino to drop a 25 goal season. Mane and Salah best African attack since Somalia. Lallana to carry after Christmas. Henderson just a Mackem Wilson Palacios. Coutinho to leave a huge hole. Starting Dejan Lovren in 2017.

2nd: Man United
Pogba POTY. Lukaku to score 25 tap-ins. Matic brick wall. De Gea brick wall. Lindelof Bailly modern day Vidic Ferdinand. Matteo Darmian is your starting left back. UCL semis. Starts Jessica Lingard over Anthony Martial.

1st: Man City

Imagine if that bald fraud Pep actually doesn't win the league after spending 400 million ahahahahaha instant sack. Bald fraud will fly off to Basel to stat pad silverware after he gets exposed by England. Should be hung in the street if he doesn't win the league with that squad.

I'm really bored now so end


One could root for the US, but them doing good is unlikely. - Therandom

Us is better at england as you don't get the classic england syndorme - visitor

Pogba is a bald. To think baldies are allowed to play midfield.

Rafael Benitez is the only thing saving those Greg's going heroes. To think I missed Pardew.

Am I the only one who doesn't think Arsene Wenger should be lynched?

Possible Chelsea win again? Or Liverpool. Don't sell Coutinho. Please. - IronSabbathPriest

Calling Pogba bald when your best midfielder is Shelvey snorkling

And that's a fact


Only two teams have a chance of winning this season, I'm afraid. You saw Chelsea and Liverpool yesterday. - Puga

For me its man u and swansea bottom - visitor

Man u for title - visitor

I don't really care about football but I'm curious to know, what's a Van Persey? - TwilightKitsune

"Persey" - Puga

Yeah that - TwilightKitsune

Robin Van Persie means he scores good headers when player for the national team at da world cup - visitor

Also which coke
Coke: Right back schalke
Koke: Incredible - visitor


Football is for cucks.I want to spread this message to everyone, that's my 'goal'.

Get it? Goal? Because in football... - DapperPickle

Woah this is HQ - Puga

Can't when our contest starts - visitor

The first time in a year Puga gets another HQ post - TwilightKitsune

Both our previews were HQ - visitor

How is Dembele bad? - visitor

"19th: Burnley
18th: Watford
14th: West Brom
10th: Southampton
9th: West Ham
7th: Bournemouth
Xhaka Ramsey best pivot in the league"

Mother of God - Puga