Top Ten Things You Might Hear Whilst Reviewing Antique Furniture

Take this list how you like. Innuendo, double entendres or just plain straight. If you have anything else to add, please do feel free

The Top Ten

1 The knob's falling off from too much handling

Lol. There was actually a time I did a bit of antiquing, and this is a common misconception. The knob will not fall off from over use, in fact, given the proper care (regular polishing and re tightening the screw) the knob will give a lifetime of solid performance. - Ned964

Wait a minute there, your list heading clearly gives me, or anyone else, a great degree of latitude. Besides, I was talking about antique furniture, what were you thinking? - Ned964

2 This has rising damp in the drawers
3 The chest is in tip-top condition but the legs have dry rot
4 This pretty little piece is outwardly in very good condition but has a screw loose

Refer to step 1 - Ned964

5 Ancient artifacts found in drawers but once removed, you can clearly see the ravages of time
6 The pouf is in good condition but is older than it looks
7 The knobs on the chest are sagging

From the Whoopi Goldberg Collection.

8 The piece is aging well, impressive chest but the knockers aren't genuine
9 If you look closely, you will notice the wear and tear of the bottom. I believe it was once used by a lot of soldiers

I can't believe someone hasn't added anything here yet, it's completely open for lampooning. If I find it untouched on Saturday, I will give it a shot... - Ned964

Touche mon Ami - Ned964

The "Baby-Back Bivouac BarcaLounger." Timeless classic.

10 The bottom has a crack in it

Point out the damage to the proprietor, this will afford you a solid negotiating position to lower the asking price. Now, to deal with that pesky crack. Carefully arrange the piece so that it's easier for you to work on the crack, turning the piece upside down is often helpful. Next, look for any additional damage that may have occurred over time. Are there any dents or abrasions on the crack? If yes, these will need to be vigorously sanded to allow for a good bonding surface for the adhesive.Clean the crack. Apply a generous amount of adhesive to the affected area, leaving a small opening for aeration. Get you a couple of big ole C-clamps and lock down on that sucker, allow to dry and Voila! Your crack is repaired. - Ned964

If I didn't know that your comment was completely innocent and in no way a great play on words, My face would have cracked and I would have laughed my bottom off... But since it was serious and you weren't talking out your ass, I commend you on your good advice which I will endeavour to take full advantage of and laugh while doing it. - Britgirl

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List Stats

10 listings
364 days old

Top Remixes

1. The knob's falling off from too much handling
2. This has rising damp in the drawers
3. The chest is in tip-top condition but the legs have dry rot


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