Top Ten Things You Might Hear in a Wildlife Documentary that You Shouldn't Say About Your Girlfriend

PositronWildhawk

The Top Ten

1 She releases a strong combination of hormones which the males can detect from miles away
2 Evolution has put the male in a dominant position, and she would be foolish to challenge this

Nope, don't, breakup will be inevitable. - Martinglez

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3 Unless her eggs are fertilized, she will suffer some very harsh consequences

And you don't want to be around during those harsh consequences either! It may just end up in a wildlife documentary about Shark Week... - Britgirl

4 Frequently, she chooses the most impressive individual between several different males

The most impressive, yes, but not necessarily the right one. - Britgirl

5 She is unaware of the presence of the hidden camera, watching her while she sleeps

Then she wakes up and see her mate sleeping with a woman. Mother Nature knows what she's gonna do to her mate. - StephanTheIdiot

Say, I have a question. Um... Any last words? - Delgia2k

How do you know I'm unaware of any hidden cameras...? - Britgirl

6 She has the strength to carry twenty to thirty males with her
7 The power of her legs could snap a man's rib cage with ease

This mellow-thighed chick just put my spine out of place! - PetSounds

8 Her kind are hunted for her large rump meat, which, for the hunter, can be worth a lot of money

Dear God, I am sorry for laughing at such a heinous list. Please forgive me. - CityGuru

Haha ha ha...oh god...did I just take a wrong meaning of the statement! - Toucan

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9 The loud noise she makes as a mating call is very distinctive

Yah. Sort of the sound that lets out when you stub your naked little toe. - Britgirl

10 In today's episode we are looking at the wild Girlfriend or hottus girlus in Latin

The Contenders

11 She often forages in another man's trash for food to give to her young
12 Behold, a particularly large chick
13 She stores large amounts of food to prepare for winter
14 She rolls in the male's urine

Last night, I watched a documentary about America's "big five animals" and when I got to the moose, this was what it said. Trollollolloll

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1 year, 112 days old

Top Remixes

1. She releases a strong combination of hormones which the males can detect from miles away
2. Evolution has put the male in a dominant position, and she would be foolish to challenge this
3. Unless her eggs are fertilized, she will suffer some very harsh consequences
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