Things You Should Never Do When You Meet a Bona Fide Londoner

Use this list as your Guide on What Not to do When You Meet a Londoner. I'm only thinking of you....
The Top Ten
1 Talk Cockney Rhyming Slang to Them

I'm a Londoner, and I can tell you, if you go up to them and say as much as "Cor, blimey, love", then I would say it was nice knowing you. I know hardly anyone with a voice like that.

P.W: You're a Londoner?! A southerner like me! Nice to know. (I'm a Brighton girl) What part of London are you from?

B.G. I'm from Ealing. And Brighton, I love Brighton. My cousins live there.

They'll only ask you if you've lost your carer.

2 Offer to Buy a Used Car Off Them
3 Say You Hate Jellied Eels

Even if you do, don't say it.

4 Pass Up the Offer of a Cold Beer
5 Parade Your I Love NYC T-shirt In Their Face

I am in New York now and I wholeheartedly say that London is better.

I like London and NYC. As do many Londoners. But forcing it onto us can be annoying.

I'm a Londoner, and we actually get this a lot. We're used to it. Whereas speaking in a fake Cockney voice will, most of the time, result in the need of an ambulance. Like the time my brother nearly got punched in Wales for posing like the red dragon and calling everyone "boyo".

6 Ask Where the Nearest Pie and Mash Shop Is
7 Ask Where Big Ben Is
8 Say 'I've Got a Friend Who Lives In London. Do You Know Her, Her Mame's Mary.'

This is one of those things I have to put up with when I tell people I'm from London. London homes over eight million people, so yes, of course I'm going to know your friend Mary, aren't I? We bump into each other all the time. Tsk!

9 Start Singing, "Knees Up Muvva Brown"
10 Ask to See the Queen

This is just a dumb thing to do. Seriously!

"Umm...I was wondering with you being a Londoner and all...Could you arrange for me to see the Queen? "

Only a wally would do that... Or an American!

The Contenders
11 Start the Eastenders Drum-roll

No! Don't do this. I have to hear this four times a week and I don't want to hear it outside - BBC

Just don't do it...

12 Go Up an Escalator On London Underground and Stop at the Top
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