Top Ten Things You Will Never Hear Santa Say

The Top Ten
1 I can't eat any more cookies
2 Better dead than red
3 Do I look fat in this outfit?

No worries, chum, you look good in blubber.

4 Dear Virginia, I hear you don't believe in me. Just for that you're going on the naughty list! No Christmas presents for you this year! Believe that, bitch! - SC
5 It's just too cold tonight. We're gonna have to ground 'Er this Christmas
6 You just made my s*** list! Mwuh-ho-ho-ho!
7 Have you been drinking, Rudolph?

A bizarre picture came into my mind as I read this. I may have lost seven brain cells as such in the process.

8 Just for fun, let's violate North Korean and Iranian airspace tonight. See if we can heat things up a bit
9 Ha ha ha! I know where all the naughty girls live

Oh, bad Santa! Haha! You will already know my address then...

10 I wonder what the South Pole is like this time of year?
The Contenders
11 You son of a b**ch!
12 I live in lapland, I eat mince pies, I drink booze you stupid yanks.
13 Why do people give me biscuits and milk I'm not a kid.
14 I don't believe your family and families shouldn't believe me at all!
15 [The F word]
16 It's 214,200 reindeers.
17 You ho!
18 I hate beards now.
19 My wife will take over.
20 North Pole, ha no it's North Korea.
21 I do need the gym and a diet.
22 Ha ha ha
23 The naughty kids don't get coal they get naughty gifts *wink*
24 The rest of the year for me is boring, why don't I just die.
25 F*** you santa denier!
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