Top Ten Things You Will Never Hear Santa Say

The Top Ten

1 I can't eat any more cookies
2 Better dead than red
3 Do I look fat in this outfit?

No worries, chum, you look good in blubber. - HezarioSeth

4 Dear Virginia, I hear you don't believe in me. Just for that you're going on the naughty list! No Christmas presents for you this year! Believe that, bitch! - SC
5 It's just too cold tonight. We're gonna have to ground 'Er this Christmas
6 You just made my s*** list! Mwuh-ho-ho-ho!
7 Have you been drinking, Rudolph?

A bizarre picture came into my mind as I read this. I may have lost seven brain cells as such in the process. - PositronWildhawk

I lost a record twelve brain cells, Poiohawk! - HezarioSeth

8 Just for fun, let's violate North Korean and Iranian airspace tonight. See if we can heat things up a bit
9 Ha ha ha! I know where all the naughty girls live

Oh, bad Santa! Haha! You will already know my address then... - Britgirl

10 I wonder what the South Pole is like this time of year?

The Contenders

11 I live in lapland, I eat mince pies, I drink booze you stupid yanks.
12 Why do people give me biscuits and milk I'm not a kid.
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